AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

The other child was trying to find a way to say “I want to play by myself/leave me alone/please don’t destroy my creation”.
YOU should have been the one to redirect your son to do his own thing in the sand pit.
YABU.

But how was he supposed to communicate to your son that he didn't want your son to play, when previous attempts hadn't worked? The other child is only little and still learning too.

You should have helped your son by encouraging him to move away and by playing with him yourself.

I always try and compare it to an adult situation to temind myself I'm teaching my children about the real world.

So if the sandpit was a restaurant, your child wouldn't go up to someone sat at another table, sit down and join in with the meal. They'd find their own table and have their own meal. They might turn round to the table next to them and say hello and try to initiate a conversation, but if it was clear the other table didnt want to join in then social norms would be to let it drop and leave them in peace.

So with the sandpit, it was fine for your son to want to play but once he didn't get a positive response you needed to help him understand the boundary and find his own space to play and explain that not everyone wants to play together and that's okay.

Either you’re a bit thick OP or you’re just a completely entitled individual. Your child is not the centre of the universe or the ruler of the sandpit. The other child (shock! horror!) was clearly not interested in playing with your son! You obviously find that hard to believe but it does happen in the real world OP. In fact, I wouldn’t have blamed the other child if he had walloped your son. Maybe then, you would’ve received the message loud and clear!

The sandpit is
Not the other child's sandcastle

Sandcastles aren't though.

It was obvious the kid didn't want to play with yours. You should have intervined and distracted away. Letting your kid destroy something out of petulance isn't a habit you should let him get into.

Yawn 🥱

Either a wind up, or a mother who needs to reconsider her parenting skills!

I'm leaning towards the former ……

And in 20 years moaning her son has been accused of rape and it’s unfair as obviously the woman saying no didn’t mean it and all her Precious wanted was a shag.

You should help your child understand social cues by intervening.

"he is showing you he doesn't want you to play with him and help him. Make your own castle"

Except it seems like the op thinks that only her child’s feelings matter.

What exactly IS your "point"? Your DS was unable to read the social cues that this other child was giving to him that he did not want someone else to interfere in what he was doing. The other child did this first by trying to obstruct your DS' movements and when your DS ignored this and persisted, the child pushed him away. You should have intervened way before this, distracting your DS with another activity or by getting him to build his own sand structure perhaps with you. Had you parented your son rather than condemn the other mum for the way she was parenting her DS you could have avoided your DS being spiteful as he left. You've not only hurt a young child, but you've taught your DS that that sort of response is a good one, when clearly it's not. Good luck in dealing with this lovely little son as he grows older expecting everyone to do things he wants regardless of their feelings or needs.

You should have redirected your son when you saw the other kid didn't want to play with him.

Did the the other mum have any more children with her? Maybe she wasn’t even watching the interaction? Anyway, I still think apology would be in order.

I think you have had a rough time in the replies here and I don't think the unpleasantness is warranted. I think there can be two positions that can be taken simultaneously...

Firstly , your son needs to understand boundaries and rules of play. If he doesnt, he will find himself being alienated and excluded at school. So this is something to address in the longer term. Children need to understand that other people do not want to do things they want to do. This is basic negotiation of social situations.

At the same time , I do think the other mother needs to teach her child to play nicely, and tolerate when other people are not doing as he wants. It was not okay that the other child pushed your son, and that certainly needed to be addressed by the other mother

So the fact is that you could have taught your son a very valuable lesson in maintaining boundaries, and the other mother could have taught her child to be tolerant of others not doing as he wants.

I want to point out that sometimes parenting doesn't come naturally for some people, or parents will often leave their children to negotiate these things on their own. I suspect that you had a belief that the old child should have been more accommodating , but clearly this does not seem to have landed well with the forum here.

In short, your job is to help your child negotiate social situations now, so he does not have problems in the future. This is the precise time when children need to learn they are not the centre of the universe , but this needs to be done in a gentle, kind way.

As an aside, I think many other posters need to consider how kind they are being. There is no need for unpleasantness.