AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

So the other child clearly didn't want to play with your son who then went on to destroy the other child's sandcastle?

Why did you not intervene yourself and remove your own child?

Yes you should have apologised and if you were mature and intelligent enough you would know that and yes this is being harsh not sure how to dress it up any other way your child is not the centre of the universe

You should have removed your child. End of story.

Because the sandpits for everyone to share

Good point. I’m very dumb and not mature :D

Move your child to another corner of the pit to play.

Where to? The sandpits is for everyone to share

Yes, for your son to do his own thing!! Not assume he can just rock up and take over what another child is doing.

You should have stepped in and guided your child to either do his own thing, or you could have played with him.

Yes share the sandpit not force himself on someone who doesn't want 'help'.

The sandpit might be for everyone, but that doesn't give your son the right to play with someone that clearly isn't interested.

The other mum didn't say anything because it's your job to keep an eye on what your son is doing, not hers. You should have moved him away.

Sandpits are for everyone to share, but the child was not obligated to play with your child. Your child was not picking up on the cues from the child that he didn't want to play with your child. Your child is too young to understand this, so you should have supported him to understand that he needed to give the other child space and respect boundaries. So yes, YABU

This reminds me of walking me dog. My dog isn't interested in playing with other dogs, but sometimes other dogs come and jump all over him, get right in his face and won't take no for an answer despite my dog signaling he isn't interested. You often get owners completely oblivious to their own dogs poor social skills and my dogs discomfort, and come.out with comments like "he just wants to play". Maybe it does, but my dog doesn't. Exactly the same situation with your child here in this example.

YABU, obviously. The kid didn’t want to play with yours and yours was being annoying so you should have actually interacted with your kid and distracted him. Failing that clearly you should have said sorry and explained to your kid that they can’t do that.

Yes.

The other little boy didn't want your DS to play with him or 'help'. He's not obliged to. You should have redirected your DS to play on his own or to play with something else.

Your son smashed the sand castle the other little boy had made. You were incredibly rude not to apologise, but it shouldn't have got that far, you should've taken your DS away before that

Just because your DS wants to make friends and play, it doesn't mean all other children have to indulge him

I think you might be missing the point a bit :) nice comment though

Surely this is a reverse. The other boy didn’t want to play with your DC. Who knows why, but your job in that situation is to move your boy away from the poor kid who just wanted to build his castle unmolested. How about playing with your child yourself?!

It’s hard to know from your replies if you actually want advice or just validation, but yes I think you were being unreasonable not to apologise.

i think you ought to have helped your child see that the other child didn’t want him to play with him. I think that would’ve been the better suggestion. ‘Oh Timmy why don’t we play over here, I don’t think this little boy wants company right now.’

That would’ve been how I would’ve played it. You could still have played in the sandpit. At 2, I think you do still need to help them learn social cues

Out of the other child's play.
Don't pretend you don't understand the point.

he wasn’t obligated to play but shouldn’t be pushing my son etc.

Only one missing the point is you, as a mum I would not have allowed my children to destroy another child's creation just like they know if someone doesn't want to play to move away. One of mine won't play because of autism and prefers his own play while the rest love to play together

No, I'm not missing the point.

I can see that you think the other child was badly behaved.

But your child was the one that was causing the problem, and you should have intervened.

Take your son away and teach him about personal space and choices! The other little boy clearly didn’t want any ‘help’

You allowed your child to ruin the other child’s play, basically. I would have been angry if I were the other mother. Your child needs to have appropriate social behaviour taught and modelled by you - so at 2, you gently move your child away, redirect him, explain that the other child is making his own sandcastle and wants to be left alone.

Agree with all of this.

You should've played with your DC to distract him from the other children who clearly didn't want to play with him. Your DS doesn't understand social cues yet, the other child was sending a clear message that he didn't want to play, as your DC is only 2 it was your responsibility to read those cues and divert your DCs attention.

You kid wouldn’t leave him alone and you wouldn’t help so what else could the kid do? They are toddlers. YOU are responsible for your child’s behaviour