AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

Rather entitled aren't we?

Your child was being a nuisance - not everyone wants to share and that frankly is OK.

You shoukd have got yoyr child doing their own thing.

Yes you should have apologised. Your child can't be left thinking its ok to do what he did either.

Why not help your son to build his own sandcastle rather than watch him get to the point of destroying another child’s?

It’s pretty clear that it’s not about sharing the sandpit for you, you wanted this child and his mum to prioritise your child simply because your child can’t play alone.

OP you can not be this blind surley? No human is entitled to another humans interaction. If they say no it’s a boundary. If you repeatedly refuse to accept the boundary and then use violence out of frustration its awful behaviour.

While you see this as a minor thing i am picturing a man at bar, talking to a woman. Shes not interested but he keeps annoying her. She’s asked repeatedly for him to stop. Then out of frustration he uses violence or shouts.

You need to teach your child at a young age about boundaries / when people say no etc.

A shared sandpit does not mean anything goes

It is up to you to teach your child not to grab things and to respect other people's personal space

There's been a lot of these rage bait posts recently.

Poor kid minding his own business happily playing on his own and along comes your kid and tries to get involved in what he’s doing. The other kid signals that he doesn’t want this by knocking the sand away. That’s your cue to move your kid away.
You didn’t do that so your kid acts
like a brat and destroys his work.
You were unreasonable not to move your kid away initially and very unreasonable not to apologise. I hope you at least told your own child off for his behaviour.

You’re teaching your son that others have to play with him or he can destroy their game. Basically that is bullying and you need to get a handle on this.
every child has the agency to say no and olay alone. Just because your child wants to join in doesnt give him automatic right to do so.

sadly, you still think you are right despite all the replies, so your child will go on to have these social issues as you are bot going to correct him.

Yes thats what i thought when I read it. Limited wind up replies.

Yet another IABU post where the OP cant take on board feedback when they are BU 🙄 why bother even asking the question when you won't listen to feedback given?!

As so often happens, the first answer has nailed it!

Just to clarify though, your son is small and still learning, he’s not the problem here, you are!

It wasn’t up to him to understand yet that the other boy didn’t want to play together. It was on you to read and comprehend the signs and redirect your son, get him involved in his own play in another corner of the sandpit.

Well there’s quite a few should and shouldn’t haves in your story, you’re not really coming from a place of superiority.

In answer to your question (which is clearly not really aimed at finding other peoples opinions), yes, YABU.

Your son invaded the other child's space which was not wanted. Instead of guiding him away and distracting your son you allowed him to continue. The other child may not have been kind to your son but that is on you. You are the parent. Your son needs to learn, even at such a young age that he cannot always have what he wants.

When the other child first indicated that he didn’t want to play with your son by putting his arm up, why didn’t you tell your son to leave him alone. You could have moved him away and told him to play with the sand by himself.

Absolutely awful parenting on your part. That poor other kid.

Agree the other boy shouldn’t have pushed your son, but otherwise he did nothing wrong. You should have removed your son and played with him in another part of the sandpit / playground.

I hate it when kids try to play with my son in the park. Until recently he didn’t want to play as he was too young but they would keep hovering around trying to get involved and no parents ever come to take them away.

You need to teach your son that not everyone wants to play. The sandpit is for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can inflict your company on everyone. You should have redirected your son to play on his own.

It sounds like you need to learn to read people’s behaviour better so you can teach your son. Next time intervene before it escalates

This reminds me of when DS was 5, playing in a playground that also had lots of sand to play in. A toddler was playing in the sand right at the bottom of the slide so there was a queue of children patiently waiting at the top. Eventually I got fed up and asked his mum to move him. She said "oh, I can't do that!".

So both you and your child both want your own way - neither of you thinking of anyone else other than what you want! (But he is 2 and has time to learn)

You asked for advice and everybody thinks you are being unreasonable. Yet you persist in defending your actions. Why post at all if you can’t accept the feedback?

So as the parent and grown up you intervene.

Go up to your son and say "this little boy doesn't want any help and is being unkind. Why don't you build your own castle here?"

Then show him how to build his own castle.

Not only were you being unreasonable in not apologising, you were unreasonable in allowing your toddler to be a pest and unreasonable by not giving the appropriate guidance and direction when it was very clear that they were being a nuisance.

Why have you bothered to post @blueyavocado ?

You’ve no intention of actually listening to posters who point out that YABU? And being rude to those posters into the bargain. Your posts are very similar to your son’s behaviour in kicking over the other child’s sandcastle. I can see where your son gets his behaviour from.

The other child pushed your son over ‘a couple of times’. The first time it happened was your opportunity to get up and move your child to another area of the sandpit.

I’m not sure why you bothered asking this question because you’re only responses have been to argue with anyone who says you were unreasonable.

Yes it’s a public sandpit but it doesn’t mean all of the children are obligated to play together. Rather than sitting and watching the situation escalate you could have played with your own child to teach him he doesn’t have an automatic right to be involved with someone else who clearly didn’t want to play with him. As his parent you could have helped him build his own sandcastle so both kids could have a nice time but instead you chose to sit there letting him bother another child who was making it very clear he didn’t want to play. Your little one is too young to understand all those signs but you’re not and you should be teaching him. A place being public doesn’t make you automatically entitled to involve yourself with other people.

Yes the sandpits are for everyone. Find it hard to believe that a 3 year old's sandcastle took up the entire area. Once it was clear that the 3 year old did not want to play with your son, you should have moved him to a separate area of the sandpit and sat with him. You were clearly wrong and from your responses to people's comments I think this post is plain rage bait. Well done you