AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

Your child (and you!) could do with learning some boundaries. The other child is not obligated to play with your child or accept “help” from them. I doubt you’d love another adult inserting themselves and taking over when you’re busy in the middle of something.

But the sandcastle wasn’t.

Why didn't you parent your child? You absolutely should have apologised. Profusely.

Clearly the other boy simply wanted to be left alone to create his own sandcastle unimpeded by your persistent two year old, who was pestering him.

A two year old is not really old enough to understand the social cues the other child was clearly displaying. You are though, allegedly anyway. You should have stepped up and redirected your child. Instead, you let the pestering continue until the other boy was so frustrated that he pushed your son away. This is totally on you. You could easily have defused the situation but instead you just let it continue to build.

The sandpit may well be a communal play area but that doesn't mean that each individual child in it cannot play there by themselves and create their own sandcastles. You should have intervened to stop your son intruding on the other child, who had made very clear that he didn't want the interaction.

Surely you can say "stop disturbing the boy. He just wants to build his own sandcastle. Why don't we go over here and make one ourselves?" Then make it happen.

You must surely understand that. If you claim not to then it really is hard to believe anyone could be that insensitive and dense.

YABU. It's your job to teach your child to respect other people's boundaries, otherwise he's going to be (even more of) a menace when he's older.

You should have moved him away when the other child first indicated he didn't want your DS involved, and played with him yourself. Since you chose not to do that, you definitely should have apologised when your DS destroyed the other child's sandcastle.

My son & I went to Mayo with my friends , my son was 2 & the others were ranging from 2-7.. beach, sand pits, farms, picnics were like all eyes on, we're all parents, my son wasn't using a spade say, another child was moaning because it was she didn't have it, as a parent I was like "nope take it, he doesn't need it" (he was more into eating sand!).. I have video footage from Dublin & some of us on the beach (again) were exactly the same, share! Jesus my son nearly went bananas when I gave my friends daughter a fruit pouch from our backpack.. guess what? my son had an Edward Cullen moment..they all lived

TLDR stop being precious

pic didn't post

YABU, other children don't owe anything to your son, if they don't engage then you had to explain to him to leave them alone.
He can build his own sandcastle.

That poor little boy was happily occupied but you think he has no right to do that because your child wants to change that situation. You are awful. Completely awful. I'm so angry you let this happen. You are selfish and ignorant. That other child had EVERY RIGHT to continue playing in peace. I'm also disappointed that his own parent didn't advocate for him and ask you to leave him alone. What the hell do you think gives you the right to interfere with that child's play? You should have removed your child when he tried to impose himself on another child's peaceful play.

Its you who is missing the point. Why post asking if you were unreasonable, then refusing to accept when so many people are telling you, you were. Narcissist? Its so blindingly obvious you were in the wrong here, it beggars belief that you are still doubling down on this.

@blueyavocado bore off and get over yourself. Enough already xx

You should have removed your child to another area in sand pit. The other child did not want to play with your DC. And you should have apologised. Your child destrkyed tbe castle. No wonder the other mu. gave you a funny look.

Try seeing it from the other child's point of view. You said your son was trying to help but the other child didn't want 'help'. You should have intervened. Your son needs to learn that other people are allowed to have boundaries.

At two a child is learning how to play cooperatively. They can't do it, they are practicing. What they can do, is what your child did, which was to smash the sand castle. Saying the sand pit is for everyone is glib. You should have intervened.

Since you've already made up your mind, what's the point of this thread? You need people to agree with you and make you feel better?

😂 give it a rest and move on 😂

YABU.

You shouldn’t have allowed your son to keep bothering the other child - and certainly not to destroy his creation. We have to teach our children to respect other people, which includes leaving them alone if that’s what they clearly want. You should’ve asked your son to apologise to the other child for what he did.

The other mother/carer shouldn’t have allowed her child to push your son over. She should’ve asked her child to apologise for that.

Yes YABU, because the pub is for sharing 😂

I’m wondering why you created this thread. Was it to garner information on how things could have been different? Perhaps to learn something about how other people deal with these situations? Or was it to find support for your reaction and for everyone to say how fabulous your child is as opposed to the mean wee boy lnot letting your precious play.

I rather think it must be the latter as you have continued to stand by your actions and have justified your behavior, without acknowledging the fact that any friction was caused by your son not being guided toward a different outcome.

The other child was clearly communicating to your son that he wanted to be left alone and not have someone play with him. That is okay. You should have distracted your son to go and do something else. He was invading someone's personal space and wouldn't stop. The sandpit space is for everyone but that doesn't mean they all have to interact. Playing alongside is fine.

Then your child destroyed the sandcastle this child had been creating. The other child probably feels quite harassed by your son, then this.

You might want to learn to manage this sort of thing better at your end before your son does this to the wrong child.

100% this.

Was there not any other bit of sand he could have used? Just the sand the other child was playing with?

It’s a high risk move not teaching your son to respect other people’s personal space. We’ve just been on holiday with a kid like that - everyone found him really annoying.

Bloody hell, what a parenting fail. Yes, the sandpit itself is for sharing but thst does NOT mean a child must have another child play with them in the sandpit. Are you lacking basic common sense?

The other child did not want your child to play with them, did not want your child to help and did not want your child in their personal space. Sharing the sandpit means your child finds another area of the sandpit to play in away from the other child.

So, your child persisted on playing with a child who did not want to play with them and you just stood there instead of stepping in? Then you thought it was fine when your kid destroyed another kids work because they didn’t want to play with your kid? Unbelievable.

And for everyone to enjoy their time in there. They don’t have to play with other children, including your child. I’m sure you’d be writing from the other parents perspective if your child was busy building something important to him and they shoved it over bc he didn’t want them helping him.

You would have come across as a massive twat to not stop him getting in the way and annoying the other child (who made it fairly clear they didn’t want him helping) - you should have explained gently that not all children want to play and distracted him by building something with him yourself, or taken him away if he got really upset. To not apologise or acknowledge the upset your child caused showed that you agreed with his spiteful behaviour and you’re raising a little bully in the making.

I feel for you. Parenthood is often exhausting, and looking forward to fun at the playground only to have it turn into drama has to hurt.

I do not think you will be getting excused from an apology here because at public playgrounds parents are often expected to hover and step in early. You and the other parent probably had slightly different expectations around sharing space.

I was lucky I could sometimes arrange to go with other parents, or even a neighbour and simply be in charge of water fruit and hats. Even though it wasnt always, it helped.