AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

You should have been picking up on his non-verbal cues that he didn’t want to play with your son - shielding his castle, pushing your son away.

At 3 a child doesn’t necessarily have the ability to say ‘Actually, I just want to play by myself so please leave me alone.’ So it’s up to parents to do this. And you should have removed your son to another part of the sandpit.

i hope you can learn from this, otherwise your son’s childhood will be full of occurrences like this and your son - and, by extension, you - will not be popular.

it's a cut and dry situation.

Other child was there first working on something.

They didn't want your child to join in (totally fine)

Your son pestered until he was pushed over (you let that happen)

Your son then knocked down the sandcastle.

The sandpit is there to be used by everyone, not the sand-castle another child was actively working on.

YABU

Very different to if one child was hogging the slide for example.

Wait for the claws to come out bext time he interfers in anothers unwanted play.
I would guide the young man to make his own
Sitting numb like a unable to communicate parent is kind of like enforcing anti communication skills for you and those around you.
Shit happen's but sometimes guiding them is better than what you may strike in future...mine was a biter.

How tiny was the sandpit that you couldn’t gently redirect your son away from the child who clearly wasn’t interest in playing? It’s lovely that your son is social but he needs to learn to respect others space. At 2/3 you do this by gently moving him away and explaining the little boy wants to play by himself.

Or if the space really was so tiny the kids couldn’t avoid each other, teach him to wait aside and take his turn.

It was so sunny yesterday we charged both cars on the electricity from solar panels. There’s not many hallowe’ens you can do that.

Rage bait post or entitled parent, take ya pick!

Anywhere, away from the child he was clearly upsetting. I'm not sure, if this is a bait post, or not. As soon as you saw the older child pushing your child away, that was the point, where you should have intervened. Yet you allowed your child, to destroy another child's sandcastle. Yes, they're only toddlers. Was your son malicious? Of course not, he's only 2. But as a parent it's your role, to read the cues, and prevent a worse situation from happening. What would you have done, had the other child hit your son with his spade, out of frustration?

I thought the same.

I feel bad for her son. If this is a genuine post (which I doubt), he's going to be very lonely, growing up, or end up with all sorts of problems, based on her attitude.

Is this a serious post? Of course they’re to share but that doesn’t mean every child is required to let your son “help” with what they’re building, and if they don’t your son is entitled to destroy it.

If you are serious, you’re doing your son no favours.

Are you deliberately misunderstanding everyone? Playgrounds may be for everyone, but that means that all children can choose to play, when there is room. It doesn't mean they get to choose the activity they want to do every time, at the exact time they want to do it. If they want a go on the swings and they are already full, the child waits or the parents redirect them to another activity. It is exactly the same with the sandpit.

The other child made it VERY clear that they wished to play alone. You think your kids' needs trump those of the other child. They don't. Just because your kid wants to play with someone, doesn't mean the other person has to agree. Your child is perhaps too young to read the room, but you are not. I taught mine from a young age that if he wanted to play with someone he had to say hi, tell them his name and ask if they wanted to play. If they said no, he was to say 'ok, maybe next time' and go and find another activity. I also told him it was ok to (politely) say to other children he didn't want to play, if that was the case. This is what you need to be teaching your child.

You also need to learn how to redirect your child when areas are busy. If the sandpit was tiny, you should have said, 'the sandpit's busy now, let's go on the swings and come back in 10min'. That would have given the other parent warning that you'd be back and focused your child's attention elsewhere. If the sandpit was big enough (and I haven't seen any that are too small to fit 3 people in them), you should have got in with your child and built a sandcastle with them, so they weren't bothering the other child.

You did none of the above. You could see the situation getting worse, yet you allowed it, allowed your kid to upset another and then failed to apologise. It wasn't your best parenting moment.

He pushed your son’s arm etc out of the way because he was invading his personal space & clearly not taking no for an answer!! He did what ANY toddler would do & good for him - he was trying to let your son know to back off!! YOU are in the wrong here & you know it.

This has got to be a reverse.

Or the OP is an entitled knob.

The push was a last resort because the earlier cues were missed/ignored.

Your job here, as pp said, was to intervene when you saw the other child’s early negative cues (blocking your son’s access to his castle, tipping the sand out from his hand) and teach your son that he should ask first and step away if the other child prefers to play alone. Then play with your son.

That other mother could be writing now about parents who don’t stop their kid interfering with another child, even though her son was trying to say that he didn’t want help the kid kept trying to get in on the project, then when her son pushed him in frustration, kicked it over.

Teach your son that not everyone will want to play with him and he needs to respect that. And teach him not to be a brat when he doesn’t get him own way. YABU but it sounds like you won’t take anyone’s opinion on board anyway.

Terrible parenting it was obvious he didn’t want to play with your son
you should’ve stepped in and got into play independently

Now you’ve seen everyone’s responses can you see how wrong you were in this situation? From your answers it doesn’t seem like it.

And yet you watched it happen more than once and said nothing.

No but you say this child was 3ish. He had clearly shown he didn't want to play so at that point it is for the adult, you, to support your child in reading the social cues. That would have prevented the unacceptable outburst from your child.

Yes the 3 year old shouldn’t be pushing but he’s 3 year old and has been making attempts to get a child to leave him alone and they weren’t working! You say and watched your DS constantly bother another child and could see he didn’t want to play. You should have redirected your DS to another area of the sandpit and told him the child didn’t want to play. Your child is young so may not understand social cues however you are an adult and could see what was happening and did nothing.

He wouldn't have pushed your son if you had moved your child away.

What was the other parent supposed to say?! Your son is the problem here! Not hers. Your job to parent your son and teach him that he can’t force people to play and he shouldn’t be destroying other kids’ sandcastles!
Please say you realise this otherwise your son is going to grow up into Donald Trump (kidding, but awful. You aren’t doing him any favours by not parenting him).

YABU the sandpit is shared but no one is required to play with each other. Children push etc to express frustration when they can’t communicate effectively or when someone is ignoring their communication.

you should have explained to your child that the other one didn’t want to play with them and redirected them somewhere else. Your child felt frustrated as wanted to join in so destroyed the sandcastle.

its bad parenting from you as your child started it. If my child had been in this scenario I would have explained my child doesn’t want to play with yours @blueyavocado and politely told your child to go away, to make up for your lack of parenting/boundaries. It’s pretty entitled behaviour to think your child can just destroy something the other child was working on, because it’s a shared space!

You should have removed your son from the situation as soon as it was clear the other boy didn’t want to play with him. Either to another part of the sandpit if available or a different apparatus. Yes the sandpit is for everyone but so are swings and if it’s already in use to just go and sit your son on someone else’s lap.. no you want until it’s available.
The problem is your son wanted to play with someone who didn’t want to play with him - you can’t force that and shouldn’t have tried.

I fear the only person missing the point is you @blueyavocado. The sandpit is for everyone to share but I’m sure your kid could have played with other sand. You sound awful on this thread and by doubling down it’s just getting worse.