AIBU for not apologising

[blueyavocado]

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

Well done for admitting this, OP.

Self reflection is not easy to do but you've done it, so onwards and upwards for next time. X💐

Sounds like the other child made it very clear he didn't want to play with your ds.

There are lots of reasons why a child might want to play on his own.

Don't be so entitled to think every child is there for your ds's entertainment.

The OP, by the sound of it!

But that doesn't mean that the children have to share their particular building projects with each other. You should have encouraged your son to go off and do something on his own when it became obvious that this child didn't want to play with him.

Have you seen the votes on your poll? Practically everyone is saying and voting the same. Hardly missing the point.

It was awkward, you saw your son really wanted to join in....the obstacle to that being the fact the other child really didn't want him to, and he was there first, it was his building project and he wanted your son to go away. Why just watch your son getting pushed over because he's not taking the hint ( fair enough, he's two) and not move him away from the situation?

This can’t be real! I refuse to believe someone could be this entitled.

Look not every kid wants to play or has then social skills . The other little one wasn't doing your son any harm till your little one approached and maybe overwhelmed them. As a parent you shout of picked up on the cues and directed your little one to something else. Neither child is to blame here .

He's 2 or 3 years old, for goodness' sake! Your son just wasn't getting the message that the other child didn't want to play, you should have intervened when that became obvious to help your son find somewhere else to play.

I don't think the older boy did anything wrong, if anything it sounds like your son was invading his personal space and at 2 years old, clearly couldn't understand that the older child did not want to interact with him. You should have directed your child to another area of the sandpit when you could see that the older child did not want to play with him.

I know from experience that my son would have hated this when he was younger.

YABVVVU

They are not yet at that stage of development for co-operative play yet at that age. So neither child wanted to play the same game together - yours just wanted what he had as that is toddler attitude...what's mine is mine and what's theirs is mine and if i had it 5 minutes ago it is mine. 2 year olds' play is very egocentric. They play in parallel but not together at this stage.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Nailed it

The sandpit is for everyone but that doesn’t mean if one child is building a sandcastle every other child is entitled to ‘help’ build the same sandcastle. A library is for everyone but that doesn’t mean if somebody is sat quietly reading you can sit behind them and read the same book over their shoulder whilst they’ve got it.

When it was clear the other little boy didn’t want your son in his space interfering with his sandcastle you should have redirected your son to another area of the sandpit and engaged him in building his own sandcastle, you shouldn’t have just watched whilst your son continued to bother the little boy, be pushed several times by the other boy and then ended up destroying the sandcastle.

As soon as it was clear the other boy was being annoyed by your son you should have moved him away, aside from anything else it’s strange that as a parent you would watch your son get pushed twice and not want to move him away, if your son had been hurt it would have very much been your fault.

The other child didn’t want your son interfering with his sandcastle building. You watched and recognised this but did nothing, and it culminated in your son destroying what another small child had made.

Great parenting 👍

No neither child is to blame.

But one of their parents is - the op, who saw what was happening but didn’t bother to go over and stop her son ruining another child’s fun by helping him to build his own castle or moving him to a different area of the sandpit.

So you clearly know you are in the wrong and you are goading posters. Nice try. Must be bored.

They are very little, one cannot expect a two year old to know that what they think is helping and playing is actually hindering.

He'll gradually learn when it is acceptable to join in, and that sometimes you don't join in, you respect the other person's space to work at something alone

We've all been there! Life, and especially childhood, is a learning curve.

Your ds was badly behaved and you should have stepped in. Both of you owed an apology!

I have children that can be quite sociable, I encourage them to play and make friends. It can be a bit heartbreaking to see another child not wanting to play and rejecting them, so I get it to a point that it feels like the other child was being rude. But they are children and he was clearly being protective over his sand castle. It's not ok to knock over somebody's work so I would want to teach them that. "I think they want to play on their own for a bit, let's play over here" and I'll try and encourage them to play elsewhere. I want them to play with kind children so if we think they're not playing nicely, then I wouldn't want them to play with them anyway 😅

Was it one of those tiny blue shell ones you buy from smyths or Argos? I can’t imagine taking your child anywhere with a sand pit that small

3 year olds busy building something do not want random 2 year olds ‘helping’, and you should have distracted : removed your child when he was bothering the other.

Children do not have to let others ‘join in’ unless they want to.

Oh, no. Is this another pool toy moment? You should have removed your child. Barring that, of course you should have apologized.

Behaviour is communication. Your DC wasn't understanding the waving of the arm etc. The escalation between two young children was fairly predictable.

If you want your DC to learn social skills you need to teach him otherwise he's going to get pushed a lot more.