To think there’s plenty to do in your thirties besides having children?

[ThatRoseFish]

I’ve been consuming quite a lot of pregnancy content recently because obviously that’s where I’m at in my life (sarcasm). Anyway, I was listening to two women my age (33), both on their second children and one of them said, “if you’re not having children in your thirties, what are you doing?”

What am I doing?

Maybe I’m having brunch, drinking out of a champagne glass. Maybe I’m on Tinder. Maybe I’m going to start having an affair. The options are endless okay? Don’t limit yourself.

Let’s call a spade a fucking spade. Let’s not idealise this situation. There’s plenty of stuff I could be doing.

Maybe I’m in a sauna. Get in a sauna. Maybe I’m getting absolutely pissed out of my eyeballs on a Thursday night and calling Karaoke Box in Soho at 7pm to see if they’ve got space for me and my mate to sing the entirety of Hamilton the musical.

Maybe I’m having a wee on my own. Maybe I’m lifting weights at the gym without pissing my pants. Maybe I’m not opening a snack for someone with no fine motor skills. The possibilities really are endless.

AIBU to think we can stop acting as though having children is the only meaningful thing a woman can do in her thirties?

Yet you are here posting on a PARENTING sight. Oh the irony.

I don’t see any glee in the post. @bababamama merely describing a set of characteristics. Are you projecting or overly sensitive perhaps?

Goals!!!

No she hasn't. Bladder weakness due to childbirth is a known effect. She's using as one of the reasons motherhood isn't aspirational. Get a grip.

I'm a mother BTW. It is NOT the be all and end all. Bloody far from it.

It’s closely related to another tired trope about childfree/less women - that raising children is proper adulting, and therefore those without children don’t properly grow up and are forever mentally in their 20s.

There was a strong bold statement that the failed IVF friends are just pretending that their lives are happy, with the implication that no one can go on to live a happy life if they originally wanted children and couldn’t have them.

I think having DD is one of the amazing things I have done in my life, not the only or most amazing thing.

It was obvious humour OP people are just getting crotchety due to the subject matter.

That’s what I find odd.

A) all of the listed activities are meaningless
B) we’ve all been able to do them pre-children, and…
C)…. We can all still do them!

Theres of course particular meaning in being child-free given the ability it gives you to dedicate your time and focus in a way not as readily possible when you have children, but I think OP might have a skewed understanding of what meaningful is.

Yes and at least one person on this thread has stated that explicitly already.

Oh, I just saw that part in op's post. I am lucky I have a strong pelvic floor, and no long term issues, as this did worry me from everything you hear. My bladder is the same as it was before, dh on the other hand...
Like anything, there is a risk I suppose, and you never know how you'll end up, with or without kids.
I'm slimmer at 40 than I was pre kids, probably all the hauling them around through my 30s, it was like a bloody gym work out! 😜

Exactly

I hadn’t heard that one but can see where it’s coming from. Having responsibility for another human is a completely different level to when your only responsibility is to yourself. We can pretend that’s not the case all we want but the reality is different

They will be well aware of all the things they can no longer do now they have children and are trying to make themselves feel better - nay, superior - about it. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Keep your intact pelvic floor muscles, they’re a precious asset ❤️

I concur. That however is very different from being gleeful.

Well I’ve had responsibility for an elderly parent with dementia. That I imagine is not so different from being responsible for a toddler, only without the funny moments and the knowledge that it’s going to get easier. And many people without children do have extremely responsible jobs where they are responsible for the safety and wellbeing of other humans.