To think there’s plenty to do in your thirties besides having children?

[ThatRoseFish]

I’ve been consuming quite a lot of pregnancy content recently because obviously that’s where I’m at in my life (sarcasm). Anyway, I was listening to two women my age (33), both on their second children and one of them said, “if you’re not having children in your thirties, what are you doing?”

What am I doing?

Maybe I’m having brunch, drinking out of a champagne glass. Maybe I’m on Tinder. Maybe I’m going to start having an affair. The options are endless okay? Don’t limit yourself.

Let’s call a spade a fucking spade. Let’s not idealise this situation. There’s plenty of stuff I could be doing.

Maybe I’m in a sauna. Get in a sauna. Maybe I’m getting absolutely pissed out of my eyeballs on a Thursday night and calling Karaoke Box in Soho at 7pm to see if they’ve got space for me and my mate to sing the entirety of Hamilton the musical.

Maybe I’m having a wee on my own. Maybe I’m lifting weights at the gym without pissing my pants. Maybe I’m not opening a snack for someone with no fine motor skills. The possibilities really are endless.

AIBU to think we can stop acting as though having children is the only meaningful thing a woman can do in her thirties?

I didn’t use the words rich or meaningful at all.
you can double check my posts

I said for me my greatest pleasure has been having my babies.

I mean I had my first at 16 and last at just turned 26. My youngest will be starting primary school the year I turn 30. Tubes are tied. I fully expect to not be changing nappies and doing night feeds in my 30s 🤣

I guess it takes all sorts.
Having children is my idea of pure hell however I do appreciate and understand the converse is true for many

oh it does take all sorts to keep the human race going!

luckily your parents didn’t have such disdain for those that reproduce or you wouldn’t be here would you?!

There is too little context to assume they were passing judgement on all women versus two friends with one consoling the other for infertility and saying she can do something else in her 30s despite a life plan for children.

Be fair, that comment hasn't been made for ooooh,,,,,at least a week.

Where did you get disdain from when the words I used were appreciate and understand?

Unsure what your point is.

It's worth ignoring content that doesn't appeal to you. I have a 30 year old sister and by that age I had 2 children. My life at 30 looked vastly different to hers. Her life choices are valid as are mine and neither of us would swap with each other.

I tend to watch content that I enjoy in some way. Yanbu to feel as you do as the content was petty but you come across as petty too with your response.

Well what I probably wouldn't be doing is spending time on Mumsnet..

Why so defensive? It was one comment. I dont know how many times my child free sibling or friends tell me they think my life sounds like their version of hell. We have very different lives that's all. I don't know what they do with all their free time and why they don't realise they actually have buckets of free time, but when I was in my 20s I had just as much free time in my week and I felt like I was exhausted and too busy. You are right to appreciate and enjoy your time, ignore stupid comments.

that convo is ridiculous and I say that as someone who married and had 3 kids in her 30s.

I would be holidaying abroad in September. contemplating Xmas somewhere hot. having more sex. spending my money on me instead of my kids. watching grown up TV whilst it's still light. keeping my career on path.

Of course we can. We all make our choices.

Equally what you cite in your posts is a bit insulting to those who choose to become parents (the pelvic floor stuff is inaccurate in the vast majority of cases) and also I’d question whether some kind of empty 365 party girl life is (your word) “meaningful”? (It’s also very London and professional class centric)

Assuming you’ve done that falling out of bars stuff through your 20s it must get boring, but that’s the beauty of choice I guess. I can see many alternatives — career progression, education, culture, travel, friends, community: chacune à son goût!

"Well what I probably wouldn't be doing is spending time on Mumsnet.."

Comes across as more than a litte defensive 😆

Well, I did loads in my 30s before deciding to have children. But you know you’re not being unreasonable-unless you’ve been living in an attic….

That is such a stupid argument. There are all sorts of reasons why I might never have been born. My parents might never have met. They might have been one and done or suffered secondary infertility. My mother could have miscarried. I can’t say the thought of never having been born keeps me awake at night.

It was also said in response to my apparent disdain for parents of which I have none

This is probably one of the most sensible things I've ever read here. I couldn't agree more. It's ok to just 'be'. No one should have to justify having or not having children. Likewise they shouldn't justify why they aren't training for a marathon or focusing on a DIY project or climbing the career ladder. Maybe you are not academically 'bright' as you say but you are self aware and insightful and content and that counts for a lot

What did you do with your time before having children and what will you do once they've left home? What do you wish you could do but can't because of your children? Maybe that'll give you some ideas.😃

So...? Why would it matter if someone hadn't been born? They wouldn't know. 😂

Thank you, you are very kind. MN can, at times, read like the 'doing' Olympics.

This is about the 1000th time I've seen someone criticise that podcast. Did you see it on tiktok?

Yes its a stupid take. Obviously theres lots of things women could be doing in their 30s bar having children. But equally we have stopped acting like motherhood is the only thing women can do

Theres an awful lot of anti motherhood propaganda on tiktok/Instagram at the minute. A lot of it is highly misogynistic, and very reductive of mothers. This post is just more parroting of the same.

Any generality about what women 'should be doing' at any point in life is insulting bullshit.

Being childfree and on social media it's easy to feel like you're being unproductive or not making the most of your time, for me anyway.
It sometimes easy to lose sight of the what's important. The older I get the more I prioritise what makes me happy, which for me is relaxation, my boyfriend, my friends, food, drink..and it doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks about how I spend/waste my time

I know right. I have two kids and was at the gym this morning, didnt piss my pants once.

But why are you consuming pregnancy content if you have no interest in being pregnant? I don't understand.