To think there’s plenty to do in your thirties besides having children?

[ThatRoseFish]

I’ve been consuming quite a lot of pregnancy content recently because obviously that’s where I’m at in my life (sarcasm). Anyway, I was listening to two women my age (33), both on their second children and one of them said, “if you’re not having children in your thirties, what are you doing?”

What am I doing?

Maybe I’m having brunch, drinking out of a champagne glass. Maybe I’m on Tinder. Maybe I’m going to start having an affair. The options are endless okay? Don’t limit yourself.

Let’s call a spade a fucking spade. Let’s not idealise this situation. There’s plenty of stuff I could be doing.

Maybe I’m in a sauna. Get in a sauna. Maybe I’m getting absolutely pissed out of my eyeballs on a Thursday night and calling Karaoke Box in Soho at 7pm to see if they’ve got space for me and my mate to sing the entirety of Hamilton the musical.

Maybe I’m having a wee on my own. Maybe I’m lifting weights at the gym without pissing my pants. Maybe I’m not opening a snack for someone with no fine motor skills. The possibilities really are endless.

AIBU to think we can stop acting as though having children is the only meaningful thing a woman can do in her thirties?

But you do realise your friends with children are really only saying your lucky, in the same way you probably congratulated them when they got pregnant, knowing that wasnt a choice you would make. Women are aware they made choices that prevented them retiring in their 40s when they had children.

The OP was quoting(without crediting)a pregnant comedian

Why did you lift this almost word for word from Kyla Cobbler's Instagram?

I really don’t want “emptier boobs” though. And I don’t want to have to settle for “cardio” from chasing a child around when I love strength-based fitness: barre, pilates, yoga, HIIT. I also love running (in the park by myself while listening to music, not after a toddler) and cycling. So for me, it really would be a huge adjustment/sacrifice. I’m glad it worked out for you and you’re happy though.

And? What did my being here achieve? I’m sure everyone would have managed splendidly without me.

Because if OP has seen this on social media, I would assume she has also seen the hundreds if not thousands of social media posts saying exactly the same as OP.

Pretending they are the first person to consider not having children, and the whole world thinks the only thing women can do is procreate, when the hundreds of videos saying the same thing suggest otherwise. Whilst also parroting reductive, misogynistic stereotypes of mothers

Have you never met a woman with children with a good figure?

You dont have to have children. Your boobs maybe a bit saggier after pregnancy ( although this will happen with age anyway), if the thought of this is worse than the thought of a life without children then maybe they arent for you.

To be fair I did say DH and I are “thinking about” starting TTC, not that I’m 7 months pregnant and about to have a baby. It’s important to think through all the implications before jumping in, given it’s an irreversible decision. The key thing I tell myself Is that the most disruptive period is hopefully just a few years when they’re little (that said, reading that the teenage years are the “most challenging” part of parenting from PP definitely gives me pause for thought… 🤦‍♀️).

Anyway, interesting discussion! I’m glad I found MN before deciding whether or not to reproduce. It’s important to go into these things with eyes wide open. 😊

There's honestly thousands of other spaces online to post this with a higher chance of interacting with people who feel exactly the same. Eg the multitude of online childfree forums, groups, reddit, fb, tiktok etc which are dedicated to how OP feels. So yes, it's odd.

Actually what you said was:

They just aren’t on the same levels as the feeling of a newborn on my chest. So all these things people quote as amazing to do because you are childfree. They don’t even reach the sides in life experiences

So yes you did basically state that the lives of childfree women aren't "on the same level" as yours.

It's wonderful that you love being a mother and have found so much joy and fulfilment through it. But you should be mindful of the impact of your words when you imply that being childless is worth less.

If you look around MN you'll see that most of the chat's aren't anything to do with kids.

Ok by that logic I'm going to go to the local pub and wax lyrical about how much more fulfilling life is when you don't drink at all. I'll also make sure to make slightly disparaging jokes about people who do drink too, to ostensibly prove my point. I mean, that's not odd in the slightest, because if you look around the local pub they discuss all sorts of things in there! 🙄

What on earth are you on about?

I think we are essentially being told to pipe down on Mumsnet unless we are mums 🤔 😆

Yup!

You're being deliberately obtuse.

I’m sure I heard all this on a Facebook reel recently. At least get your own anecdotes op. If you look down on those with kids so much why are you on Mumsnet?

This has been mentioned numerous times. Why don't you read the full thread?

I think if you have to explain a joke then it’s not a joke it’s just taking the piss (literally) out of something.

I agree about the stress with teens, omg

I think lots of us had no problem understanding the joke..

Yes, some child free women do love to tell mothers how they would HATE to have our life, and how dreadful it must be, being tied down with children. 🙄

Don't have them then. No-one's forcing you. Why do you care about me and my life?

They are so weirdly invested. 🤔

And so weirdly defensive. I don't care if someone doesn't have children, just stop throwing shade on women who do. It's such unpleasant and unkind behaviour. And it's making you seem a bit like the lady doth protest too much.

I've voted YANBU as it's your choice.
I say this as a mum of two.

Lady doth protest too much?
You do know I could just stop taking my pill, have a shag and be just like you 😆😆😆

Exactly this.

Women with children are not 'jealous' of child free women, nor do we think they are 'lucky.' People just say this to be nice, and polite...

In reality, the vast majority of mothers would NOT swap places with their child free peers.

Nor would they make sneery and disparaging remarks about their life choices....

.