Mother in law overstepping

[Yavannah]

So am I overreacting:
We are on holiday with my husbands family (parents, siblings, grandparents). Tonight at dinner my little one (9 months, our first) was getting towards too tired at dinner but was still cheerful so I was preparing to help him to eat as much as he could and stay as cheerful as possible before getting him whisked off to bed. He was getting a little fussy while everyone was dishing up and sitting down, and out of nowhere my MiL says "oh are you thirsty" and offers him his cup of water, I explained immediately that we generally only offer water after he's eaten something to avoid him filling up on water, then she took the cup away and he lost his mind (which he will do when tired and something he likes is taken away). He wouldn't eat a scrap of dinner and screamed unless actively walked around and distracted. My husband got annoyed as well as his mum kept coming to our end of the table to try (uninvited) to help (offering food etc.). Finally we finish dinner and get to take our baby up for a bath so we can get him fed (milk) and settled. We've just got him out of the bath and she walks into our room! She hung over our shoulders while we got him dried and into a nappy and it was awful, she practically deafened me squealing in my ear trying to cheer the baby up because he literally started screaming as soon as she came in the room. My husband is feeling overwhelmed because she won't back off and I was furious but staying calm. I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work, but she has done this kind of thing before (giving him toys in the high chair or nibbles of cake without my permission) and it feels very disrespectful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to just stay in her lane as the grandma?

You’re on holiday, she’s just being a grandma. I know how stressful holidays with a baby can be but honestly, I wouldn’t get worked up about any of it. I’d let her bath him and have a glass of wine!

A case of the PFB here I think

She walked into your room? Is it a villa, not hotel rooms? Can you ask her not to do that when you’re settling your baby? It’s not helpful.

But she's good enough to babysit when you want childcare right? How many hours a week does she get that privilege?

Yabu...she gave him some water and tried to cheer him up. And she looks after him while you work? You are massively over reacting

I think you’re being over sensitive and over critical here. She’s just being a grandma and you’re on holiday. Getting furious over the things you mentioned is very uptight.

This, if she looks after him in the week and you are on holiday let her look after him so you and DH can have a break yourselves you deserve it.

How often does she babysit?

Poor woman did nothing wrong. I love the thought of my boys growing uo and having families of their own one days but I also worry that the wife will thunk like you and so many others who take so much issue against their mother in laws.the powerplay is ridiculous.

I am not sure it would ever occur to me to ask permission to give someone's baby a toy, Why is a toy in a high chair a problem? Or why water before a meal is somehow problematic? You were going to feed him milk before bed anyway. Why is this the end of the world if he has water before dinner?
She is just being a grandmother and you are being very precious.

I really don’t think seeing if he needed a drink of water or giving him toys in his high chair is bad at all, I think she was just trying to help you out.

You are incredibly over the top, I feel quite sorry for her. ‘Stay in her lane’ interacting harmlessly with her own grandchild who babysits to help you out every week and so clearly knows your child well. Have you read your own OP back?

Your MIL has got a DIL problem!

I get your frustration, you were focused on kepping your child calm because you know they were tired and getting cranky. And it would be easier if everyone stepped away.... not bring more attention..

It sounds like your MIL has good intentions and is usually helpful and a loved Grandparent. You just didnt need it tonight.

Get your boy to bed, have some chill out time for yourself. Family holidays can get tense. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I call an OP who doesn’t return here

Out of all the mil threads being annoyed firstly because she gave your of water is quite dramatic. Sorry.

I imagine it’s maybe the straw that broke the camels back. But it does sound OTT.

Speaking as a grandma I can say that your mother in law was only offering help. Maybe your litte one was thirsty?
You describe her as an amazing babysitter then the next you are saying you expect her to stay in her lane as the grandma.
You sound rude and yes YABVU.

Wow...... You took the time to write this?

Speaking as a mum of young ones, I really don't think it's as bad as it was. MIL stereotypes and jokes are often seen as dated and anti-feminist among a lot of us. Mind you, my mum, old enough to have lived the 70s Les Dawson jokes, always made it clear to me I should respect my MIL as much as her, and all the family, both maternal and paternal grandparents, have always been as welcomed as each other. And not just for free babysitting!
OP, why not let her take the baby and just relax with your husband? Or if you really just want to get on and not have her in the room, just politely say to her you want her to have a break, that it's great she does so much, but tonight you just want to have a date night.
Or, let your husband and her have some time while you relax with a book. Please don't let yourself get upset and spoil your time.

I empathise with how stressful this can feel. When its you and your partner and you have a routine and a system that generally works for your baby and something disrupts it and the baby is unsettled it can be difficult. My 3 little one usually go to bed quite well but if things are different like not being at home, being out late etc it’s much more difficult and a bad bedtime makes everything feel harder.

Doesnt always feel like it but remember she has the best intentions and trying to help and do the right thing, even when it isn’t. Sometimes you need to suck it up and keep the challenging conversations for the big stuff. You don’t want a bad relationship with your MIL and you don’t want her not involved in your child’s life so sometimes you need to suck it up and tomorrow will be a new day!

Sounds like your baby was thirsty. You should have left him with the water. He still would have eaten some dinner.

I'm glad thungs are slowly changing. I would be heartbroken to have a daughter in law who picked on me for every little thing. I love my mother in law, shes a kind and wonderful woman. She sometimes does things a bit different to me but nothing to dwell over or bitch about.

Her coming in while you were getting him ready for bed is annoying but my parents did similar stuff on shared holidays and we’d just debrief and vent a bit after to one another. The water thing, I think you’re being a bit silly though I cringe ti recall being similar about my firstborn (“don’t overstimulate her! Don’t look into her eyes while she’s eating!”)

basically she’s just being a bit annoying as grandparents can sometimes be. So I’m afraid yabu

“Mother in law overstepping” there’s a novel headline on MN. And no, she isn’t.

Your exhausted and very overwhelmed exactly what your baby is feeling. That has nothing to do with your MIL so don’t project your overwhelm onto her. Just go to bed. Tomorrow will be better. Life with a very small baby is hard.