Mother in law overstepping

[Yavannah]

So am I overreacting:
We are on holiday with my husbands family (parents, siblings, grandparents). Tonight at dinner my little one (9 months, our first) was getting towards too tired at dinner but was still cheerful so I was preparing to help him to eat as much as he could and stay as cheerful as possible before getting him whisked off to bed. He was getting a little fussy while everyone was dishing up and sitting down, and out of nowhere my MiL says "oh are you thirsty" and offers him his cup of water, I explained immediately that we generally only offer water after he's eaten something to avoid him filling up on water, then she took the cup away and he lost his mind (which he will do when tired and something he likes is taken away). He wouldn't eat a scrap of dinner and screamed unless actively walked around and distracted. My husband got annoyed as well as his mum kept coming to our end of the table to try (uninvited) to help (offering food etc.). Finally we finish dinner and get to take our baby up for a bath so we can get him fed (milk) and settled. We've just got him out of the bath and she walks into our room! She hung over our shoulders while we got him dried and into a nappy and it was awful, she practically deafened me squealing in my ear trying to cheer the baby up because he literally started screaming as soon as she came in the room. My husband is feeling overwhelmed because she won't back off and I was furious but staying calm. I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work, but she has done this kind of thing before (giving him toys in the high chair or nibbles of cake without my permission) and it feels very disrespectful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to just stay in her lane as the grandma?

Yes. There’s a middle ground. Give him the cup. When he’s distracted a minute or two later you can ‘disappear it’ again.

So why were you walking him around and trying distract him?

I assumed you were doing this because of the other diners.

Why not just put him to bed if he was tired?

She gave him a drink and he drank it because he was thirsty.
It’s not the end of the world.

@Notaninfluencertype the poor baby wanted water… imagine being tired and cranky because you’re out of routine, you’re thirsty and you’re given food but you’re not allowed any water with it. A kind person offers you some water but the bonkers person sitting next to you refuses to let you have any. Mental.

😂

I agree. You sound precious and intolerant OP.

I am a DIL but I hate these threads where DILs basically want Mil to sit in a box with the lid shut until needed for something.

Yes exactly. Quickly chuck a bit of water out of the cup and give it back to the baby with a few gulps of water in it. Chances are that the baby will throw most of it all over themselves anyway! And can you imagine how annoying it would be if you were thirsty, someone gave you a drink and then whipped it away before you had a chance to drink it. No wonder the baby was annoyed!

It does sound a bit like the OP wanted to prove a point with her nutritionally superior knowledge and then got annoyed when it went totally tits up.

So many people over complicate things, if the baby is tired, let them sleep. 6.30 isn’t an unreasonable bedtime for a baby. If they’re thirsty, let them have a bit of water with food. If you’re MIL disturbs you and you don’t like it, just talk to her about it civilly.

If you ask Mumsnet if you’re being unreasonable and 90% of people say you’re are, then you’re almost undoubtedly being unreasonable!

Huge overreaction and total lack of gratitude for the time and effort your MIL puts into caring for your child, or do you think she should be grateful for the opportunity?

OP says 'she begged to do it' Like I beg to look after my gs 3 days a week. Not.

OP - I’m not a grandma, not even a mum, but I still think you’re being a sanctimonious bitch about this.

Your MIL is good enough to provide (free?) childcare whilst your and You DH work but you don’t trust her with your baby? Make up your mind.

Nuhuh nope never.

You just sound annoyingly condescending OP. Mil might know a thing or two more than you.

It sounds like the child was thirsty.

Cake? Toys in a high chair?
My god. Jail her.

This. I don’t think it needs to be a massive deal and certainly no one needs to be holding onto any resentment but handling it head on whilst being gentle with it is the best way imo.

You would painful

Jesus H Christ, OP, give the woman a break.

No. Only one said she was a grannie. A couple of others have DILs but there weren't 'many' saying they were. In the context of your post, it was clear why you said it. Not nice OP🤷‍♀️

All your stuff about child nutrition, toys, screens, experts is blah and a second child will sort that.

MIL is minorly UR for coming into the room and not leaving when asked.

I’m with you OP, having become increasingly annoyed with my MIL & her overstepping.

Could this be a bit of a case of her slowly eroding your boundaries? And this being the straw that broke the camel’s back?

My MIL is similar, except she doesn’t come in when we put DS to bed. But after me having explained to her that I don’t want DS watching TV or having too much sweet stuff, and then I see her trying to show him Bluey on her phone while feeding him chocolate buttons, because “he’ll miss out otherwise, he needs to experience what all the other kids at nursery are experiencing” (he’s 16m FFS, they’re hardly going to be discussing last night’s TV in nursery the next day, they can’t bloody talk!!!) I’m getting increasingly annoyed despite her knowing my views on stuff like TV, and knowing I have compromised a bit (he watches TV while having his bedtime milk), she still pushes the boundaries further. Apparently I am “boring” according to her!

And yes, we also rely on MIL for childcare. But no, I won’t stop this because she only does it 1 week in 4, and it wouldn’t be fair on my mum (who does totally respect our views on TV) who does the other 3 weeks.

If you're in a holiday cottage together, can you not plan a better tea time to suit everyone?

But clearly the majority of Mumsnet warriors don't know the up to date baby nutrition advice.

Well lucky for the mums of MN OP came to the World to teach us All About Parenting "Pro" Style.

What you will learn OP - when you are down the road a few years and have thriving children a bit older, maybe when you are on your third or fourth - is that those "rules" are all for the beginners, the ones who need to hold on to the edge of the pool because they haven't developed a reliable freestyle.

What you actually develop after a few more years parenting is the ability to shake it up a bit, to respond to and manage different situations and wing it a bit without everything turning to custard like this did. It sounds like MIL read things right: he was thirsty. Maybe he would have absorbed a little less iron and calcium and calories this meal time if you'd just let him have a swig. But you make it up the next day. Life rolls on, and children grow and thrive.

You really don't need to raise children with your nose rammed up the backside of some so-called "pro."

I'm printing this post out. Absolutely brilliant stuff!

If she is so very sensitive because of their baby then maybe she should stay at home and forgo the extra income in order that she isn't so distressed with little things. They have indeed chosen a different arrangement.

Exactly. I love my grandchildren and care for them once a week but I certainly don’t beg to look after them !

I couldn’t imagine trying to “have fun” knowing my baby was upset and fussy.

As a mum of boys I feel the same.

This! The poor woman was just trying to be helpful. I think you’re definitely the problem here…

I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work

YAB totally U