Mother in law overstepping

[Yavannah]

So am I overreacting:
We are on holiday with my husbands family (parents, siblings, grandparents). Tonight at dinner my little one (9 months, our first) was getting towards too tired at dinner but was still cheerful so I was preparing to help him to eat as much as he could and stay as cheerful as possible before getting him whisked off to bed. He was getting a little fussy while everyone was dishing up and sitting down, and out of nowhere my MiL says "oh are you thirsty" and offers him his cup of water, I explained immediately that we generally only offer water after he's eaten something to avoid him filling up on water, then she took the cup away and he lost his mind (which he will do when tired and something he likes is taken away). He wouldn't eat a scrap of dinner and screamed unless actively walked around and distracted. My husband got annoyed as well as his mum kept coming to our end of the table to try (uninvited) to help (offering food etc.). Finally we finish dinner and get to take our baby up for a bath so we can get him fed (milk) and settled. We've just got him out of the bath and she walks into our room! She hung over our shoulders while we got him dried and into a nappy and it was awful, she practically deafened me squealing in my ear trying to cheer the baby up because he literally started screaming as soon as she came in the room. My husband is feeling overwhelmed because she won't back off and I was furious but staying calm. I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work, but she has done this kind of thing before (giving him toys in the high chair or nibbles of cake without my permission) and it feels very disrespectful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to just stay in her lane as the grandma?

Not at all. If she babysits and looks after him more than you do, then chances are she does have a better idea of how to soothe him.
secondly, it is beyond hypercritical of you to think she’s absolutely fine for babysitting, but not good enough to offer a perfectly reasonable solution to something.

OK she never has him for dinnertime so she has never had to manage this before?

I think whichever it is of you who’s most annoyed or upset, your best course of action would be a private eye roll and a resolve not to let it get to you too much

You could have handed him over and headed off for a drink with DH. That'd learn her 😂😂

YABU not to allow your baby water with dinner. She sounds slightly annoying but harmless. Suck it up for free babysitting!

You sound a bit tetchy, holidays with families and kids in a strange house can do that to the best of us. Your MIL sounds mildly irritating but well meaning. Accept you are over thinking this, have an early night and tomorrow is a new day.

I’m always quite annoyed by the “god who’d be a mother in law, how ungrateful you are, I’d love it if my MIL came round and interfered with my laundry” posts. I just think in this scenario you’re perhaps both making a bit too much out of a situation that is irritating but not worth drama

Yeah but this isn't about the water, it's a about not backing off when her own son, my husband, asked her to. Would you be okay with that?

Sorry OP but I also think you are hugely overreacting. She was trying to help and is obviously close to her grandchild. I’d let it blow over and not worry about it. You’re lucky to have her

This

He should not be avoiding her, he needs to talk to her. When my MIL tried to take over parenting when we were both there, DH put his hand out palm up towards her and she literally backed away. Words were had later and she didn’t do it again.

She should not have walked in your bedroom.

OP this is a massive over-reaction on your part.
I’m a mum of three small boys.
you’re lucky to have a MIL who has such a great relationship with your baby and who looks after him for you
so what if she is mildly annoying while you’re on a family holiday ? Are you never mildly annoying ?!!!

Hurt ? Really ? He sounds like a wet wipe

First thing I thought.

I think they are grannies because many said they are lol. I can tell from most replies that they only read the start of the post cos it's all about the water (again, he's allowed it with dinner, just not to chug a whole sippy cup before eating a crumb), there is little or no recognition of the lack of privacy and space after the dinner aspect was done. Which means they probably jumped on the "let's defend nana" opportunity.

Wow perfect demonstration of damaging perspectives on what it means to be a man, I'm sorry for your husband

I'm sure I am but if I barged into her room when she was on her bathroom floor I'd expect her to tell me to get out! Instead I'm expected to smile and lump it?

I’d be pissed off about her walking into my bedroom when trying to settle baby… I’m suprised you’re getting backlash about that. You probably are being a bit precious about the water thing but completely understand that it can get intense when staying with people you wouldn’t usually be sharing space with!

I don't think you'll get the replies you want here OP, in laws can be annoying but sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. And lock your door for the rest of the trip!

It just wouldn't have got there, for me. I know everything feels hyper important right now but I'm trying to remember, when similar annoying situations arise, that it's happening from love and care and my son's a person who deserves love and care and rich family connections through his whole (hopefully long) life and I don't want to taint that for him because I feel like I need to be in charge. Dangerous stuff, different, but everything you've said I'd have just been a bit annoyed by and then thought, "oh well, I'll be home soon".

Granny should have backed off and certainly not entered the bedroom under any circumstances.

perfect demonstration of damaging perspectives on what it means to be be a mil. I feel sorry for your mil.

You're right there!

Think I’d find it annoying too but you’re so prickly in response to other posters I don’t think you care for any opinions other than yours anyway!

I was feeling annoyed for OP, but this is a great way to look at it.