Too old to hold DS's hand?

[Boyandgirlmummy88]

At what age did you stop holding your DS's hand

DS is 5 and very much a mummy's boy (not going to lie secretly.love it, he's my last which I am happy about as have 2 and know how lucky I am and juat have no desire to do the new orn phase again)

He still wants to hold my hand. All the time. Walking to school. Out shopping etc.

Dh hates it and constantly tells me to let go.

Today we have come away on holiday and were walking through the airport, I had a suitcase in one hand and DS's hand in the other and DH went mad telling me to let go and stop treating him like a child (even though he is one)

I argued its a busy foreign airport so would rather he held.my hand and was met with moaning by dh about how i treated him like a much you get child etc etc

For reference, dd is 10 and would still happily hold my hand if dh didn't moan at us both about that as well

I would honestly leave my husband if he did this to me. It's controlling and abusive. Holding your child's hand is your choice, not his. At 5 I'd still be holding for safety purposes anyway. I love holding their little hand in mine. Does he let you cuddle them or is the forbidden too? I feel really sad for your kids, particularly DD, imagine wanting to hold your mums hand and not being 'allowed' because your dad is a jealous pig.

DD5 and DS8 hold my hand naturally all the time. When we stop holding hands we will link arms, I still link my dad's arm now. It would feel so strange just to walk along separately.

If you can’t hold your child’s hand at 5 when can you? Up until about 3 they’re in a buggy, first few years after that when they’re still
probe to falling over or wandering off are the key years for hand holding. Your husband is either very stupid, jealous or incredibly mean. Or a mixture of all three.

I have DS9 who still holds my hand 90% of the time. I relish it as I know he won’t want to at some point within the next year or two.
Holding a 5 year olds hand in a busy airport is called being a responsible parent.

Why are you prioritising your husbands cruelty over your children’s very normal desire to hold their mums hand? He is taking away your children’s safe sense of safety - holding your hand, feeling connected to mum, and you are enabling it. What else does he kick off about because I refuse to believe this is the only thing

Don't know OP. On the face of it, of course a 5 year old can hold his mum's hand when out, for his comfort and safety. But maybe DH is bothered by something more general about your parenting style. I don't know what that would be , obviously, let alone whether he has a point. Perhaps something to do with you enjoying DS being a mother's boy is worrying DH?

I occasionally hold my DFs hand and I’m 56! I would say up to secondary school is standard but for as long as they want to is fine.

There’s nothing wrong with being a “mothers boy” at 5 ffs. Her dh sounds toxic and likely jealous.

That’s really lovely!

@Boyandgirlmummy88 , i think it's very sad he has stopped your DD10 from holding your hand. And trying to get you to stop holding DS5's hand.
Holding hands is a sign of affection. It's a togetherness. In my family it is.
I have DC20, DC16 and DC10 who still hold my hand. I hold theirs too. We don't have to and we don't always but naturally do hold hands a lot of times.
They are all very confident and independent.

Sure.

@Boyandgirlmummy88 said in her OP, For reference, dd is 10 and would still happily hold my hand if dh didn't moan at us both about that as well.

I don't think it's just about her parenting style with DS.

Your DH is being weird. Holding a 5 year olds hand is completely normal 🤷‍♀️

“For reference, dd is 10 and would still happily hold my hand if dh didn't moan at us both about that as well”

it’s deeply worrying if you and DD let him stop you holding hands?? @Boyandgirlmummy88

Was your husband brought up in a boarding school?

He might be , but he hasn't had a chance to explain himself so we don't know his point of view.

I stopped holding hands with my boys when they wanted to which was around the age of 5 or 6 if I remember correctly. It just slowly happened.

All these “my 21 year old still holds my hand” must live somewhere else because I have never seen young men/women holding parents’ hands unless it’s clear that the young person is disabled. I don’t see strapping lads walking round town holding hands with middle aged women. Ever.

Anyway 5 is fine to be holding hands of course. However I wonder if your DH feels exasperated if every time he tells DS off you step in and undermine him. Parents do have to present a united front and if you’re consistently giving the message that your DS doesn’t have to listen to his dad that is quite damaging. That’s the sort of thing that might explain why he’s reacting like this to hand-holding.

DH is being very weird

The VOTES speak for themselves.
You are absolutely doing nothing wrong, it's really nice that your DS is still holding your hand. This is normal loving behaviour, your DH has got some emotional issues. Tell him to stay out of telling you how to bond with your children. Holding hands with your DC is lovely, it's normal. I hold hands of my 10 year old DD but at 5 years old its a must.
I don't know what planet your DH lives on?

This is really sad. I have two kids 18 and 20. My 18 year old daughter will still hold my hand if we are in a busy street. There is no better feeling than that hand reaching for mine to ensure we stick together.
my son lives abroad - so very independent. I visited him in the summer and he also did the same thing. Just grabbed my hand, instinct kicked in and he was looking after his mum. That feeling had me on cloud 9. There is never a time to stop holding hands - even when you think that time has passed.
Your husband sounds like a complete Dick in my opinion.

Tell him to wind his neck in. My ds is 9 and holds my hand when out and about. Our oldest is 10 and she does sometimes but not always. I go by their lead. My 5 year old always does but lften rejects me in favour of her dad. I absolutely do hold onto them in airports and busy places.

A wonderful reply. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I’m all in favour of not over-mummying and teaching independence, especially boys. But hand holding is different. You SHOULD be holding your 5 year old’s hand if you can, especially in a busy airport.

It's not long since I held one of my teenager's hands, I remember the feeling of it being more substantial than mine.

I did piggy backs until 11 too... their legs would trail the ground if I tried it now
We did take turns doing piggy backs in the swimming pool on holiday which was fun.

I hate false arbitary "rules" about cutting childhood off, and they grow up so quickly anyway. Children need room to develop their independence skills but cutting off things like holding hands or playing has no benefit into developing them into well-balanced adults.

Just because you haven’t noticed it doesn’t mean to doesn’t happen