Too old to hold DS's hand?

[Boyandgirlmummy88]

At what age did you stop holding your DS's hand

DS is 5 and very much a mummy's boy (not going to lie secretly.love it, he's my last which I am happy about as have 2 and know how lucky I am and juat have no desire to do the new orn phase again)

He still wants to hold my hand. All the time. Walking to school. Out shopping etc.

Dh hates it and constantly tells me to let go.

Today we have come away on holiday and were walking through the airport, I had a suitcase in one hand and DS's hand in the other and DH went mad telling me to let go and stop treating him like a child (even though he is one)

I argued its a busy foreign airport so would rather he held.my hand and was met with moaning by dh about how i treated him like a much you get child etc etc

For reference, dd is 10 and would still happily hold my hand if dh didn't moan at us both about that as well

Ds has just turned 11 and often reaches for my hand ( although not when we are in the school grounds! ) . I love it and will hold his hand as long as he is comfortable with it .

I would make it a priority to hold BOTH of my children’s hands and tell the father to feck off

My son still used to my hold my hand or my husband’s (his dad’s) hand at 10 when we were out and about. Not always but regularly. We actually used to tell him sometimes that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to as it was getting to the age he might be embarrassed but he would say he wanted to.

He stopped holding hands in public view around the time he started secondary school but as I mentioned upthread he still occasionally holds mine or his dad’s hand when we’re at home watching tv or in the cinema or something and he’s 17.

He’s a confident and independent individual with a part time job alongside his A levels, lots of friends and a steady girlfriend. His independence and development has not been stunted by connection with his parents.

Just because you don’t witness it at graduations doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Your DH is unhinged.
My secondary aged son - sometimes holds our hands briefly if walking/ relaxing.

My son is 21. He now holds my hand to protect me!

At 5 most parents would want to hold hands in a crowd!

Your dh is insane.

This is sad - they’re only small for such a short period of time. My Dd is nearly 18, but she’ll still grab my hand if we’re out somewhere busy like a tube platform. We also held hands in the pit at a My Chemical Romance gig this summer so in her words, ‘you don’t get swept away mum’ 😂. No one looked aghast, why would they? And who cares anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Get your DH some therapy - he sounds a truly fucked up, twisted individual. My DD is 8, we hold hands everywhere we go.

What a joy your DH is. I would be questioning why he thinks it’s wrong.

100% agree.

Ds held my hand until the end of primary as we walked to school together. One of his friends commented on it and Ds said I love my Mum so why wouldn't I hold her hand? Do you not love your Mum? She was standing right next to him.

Ds1 would still hold my hand if I reached for it, he is in his twenties. He would also hold Dh's hand too. I don't get why it is strange to hold the hand of someone you love.

My Mum used to still grab for my hand when we were crossing the road, I was 34 with two children but I am still her child no matter my age. I would give anything to feel that again, She died when I was 35.

Some of my class, year 3, like to hold my hand when we walk to assembly or if I'm on duty. Why wouldn't you hold your child's hand?

When I’m in the playground at school pick-up time I love watching all the reception children (so 4 and 5 year olds) run out in to their parent’s waiting arms. They jump up and their parents hug them.

Does your husband allow kissing and hugging? Or is that babyish too?

No fucking way would I put up with a man telling me I can’t touch my children. Your poor daughter is ten and still wants affection from her mother, but you hold back because your Neanderthal husband doesn’t like it. WTF?

I’m imagining some Phil Mitchell aggressive gangster type who wants his lovely little five year boy to punch and fight and treat women like shit.

Indeed. I would absolutely insist on my dc holding my hand in a busy airport.

It's VERY very sad when parents have these emotional issues of bonding.

Please carry on holding your DC's hand and tell your DH to go and get some therapy because it's his issue.

I give my children hugs just so that they can feel loved. Holding hands gives you a closeness with your DC.

probably about 12 if Im honest. He is nearly 21 now and if I wanted to hold his hand he would likely still be OK about it. But then he isnt embarrassed about being affectionate to his mum because he has never been made to feel thats a thing. He will often give me a hug, and last summer when back from Uni he often snuggled next to me to watch a show on TV.
He's an independant soul though, and making his way OK in life. Feeling loved, safe and secure is an important part of developing self esteem

Yes! We were crossing a busy road in London and DS (25) instinctively grabbed my hand to help me across. We both laughed.

Before I read your entire post and saw the ages of your children, I was having images of the 'bitty' scene from Little Britain!
How sad for you and your children. Sounds like DH has some very deep issues that he'll probably never confront. Maybe he was never shown affection as a child. I imagine the children like you more than they like him.

What a controlling grumpy arsehole! Doesn't he have better things to micro-manage? I still try and hold my 11 year old son's hand when we cross the road, even though he is now an inch taller than me lol. But honestly, 5 is absolutely still early childhood and they need constant supervision.

This. My 20 year old son will hold my hand sometimes while out and about. It's not weird. He's extremely confident in his adulthood and individuality, he's also a kind and caring and loving son.

the people m,aking it weird are the odd ones. What's wrong with them?

I would tell your moaning DH to fuck off to the back of beyond for telling me i can't hold my own childs hand no matter what age they are. I would tell my children to ignore their dad if he told them that too.

My husband and I still hold our five year old boy’s hand. I had no idea this could ever be considered odd 🤷🏻‍♀️ I will always hold hands with my son if he wants to. There’s no age limit on it.

@Boyandgirlmummy88 There is nothing wrong with your parenting. It is perfectly fine to hold a 5 year old child's hand, especially in an airport.

There is however, something going on with your DH and that is what you need to investigate and work on.

Have you had the chance to ask him to properly articulate his concerns? They may be unsavoury (jealousy) or he may feel he would rather hold your hand - whatever - but you need to have it out with him adult to adult. It's not good for the kids for arguments like this to be in front of them.

Are you normally able to talk things out with him?

You hold your child’s hand for as long as your child reaches for it.

My ten year old, year 6, football boy still reaches for my hand after school, and everytime he does i glow 🥰.

Your husband is emotionally cracked and my first instinct is; is he competing with them for your attention? Some men who don’t feel they get enough intimate attention from their wives when their wives become mothers, start to compete with their kids.

op has stopped holding her daughters hand at his request. Clearly doesn’t like them being affectionate with one another.