Friend bringing DD on lunch date.

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My good friend is back from overseas for a week to see her family. She comes periodically. Her parents live close to me and this time she has brought her DD 16.
we arranged a while ago to spend the day together this week, I’m off work. We were looking at different things to do. With the weather we decided a nice lunch out in country and maybe a walk if dry. Then she tells me she is bringing her DD16.
I dotn know if this is just me but we all know we can’t say what we want or discuss what we want round our kids. I wouldn’t think of asking my kids (same age) on girls date.
is this just me or do other people find it strange ???
her DD hasn’t seen the grandparents for a while so wondering why she doesn’t want to spend time with them ?
maybe its me but it’s put a dampener on it.
AIBU ???

YANBU. I'd ask to rearrange for a date when she can leave her DD at home 😬

That is really annoying. But if she’s bringing her why not bring one of your kids. Do they get on?

Can her DD hang with your kids? (2 of my DC would be very welcoming to someone they had never met, 1 would not so understand this might not work). This is what happened to me a lot when visiting my Mum's homeland as a kid/teen.
Or bring your kids along. It not like little kids, teens can be enjoyable company.
Edited to add that I too like adult only time though.

I have 17 year old boy so not the same dynamic so that’s out!

I know totally and she is only back a week and I have three days off so can’t rearrange but I really fed up that she said this to me yesterday so I can’t really!!!

I wouldn't be happy about this if you're hoping for an adult catch-up up. I'd ask to re-arrange.

No the kids are too old now plus mine are at work and out with friends. They are off college!

Can’t you say something like “oh I was hoping to have a good old moan but don’t really feel comfortable in front of x. Any chance it can just be you and I?” You have nothing to loose.

What an odd thing to do, I can't imagine most 16 year olds would want to spend time with their muns friend when they could instead be spending time with grandparents they hardly see.

I would ask if it's possible to catch up alone and if not I would politely say we should arrange something next time you're over instead.

If it was a local friend I would agree with you, but she's effectively on holiday with her daughter so I can kind of see why she'd assume she could bring her.

@menopausalmare i know I feel like going to spend money having a lunch and can’t talk to my friend. I dotn know what to say to her really . I don’t want to offend her. Just think it’s so odd she would bring her it’s only a few hours.

@Tulipsriver correct it’s like a holiday I guess. Maybe this is why ??

He will probably enjoy hanging around with a 16 year old girl 😁.

@Voltorb that’s exactly what I think as well. Surely she would enjoy being with grandparents for a bit. As it’s tomorrow I really feel I can’t change and she only dropped this on me last night. Originally we were going to a spa and she said then I don’t think my DD would like that. So I should have had the warning signs then maybe.

I know I should have said something like that last night but she caught me off guard a bit. I had suggested we go to a bar we know with an offer on and wine that’s when she said she would have her. Ohh I really don’t know what to do ! 🤷

It's going to totally change the dynamic, it's an odd thing to do.

I would definitely still ask. The whole lunch will be very different if she is there and if family are busy it's not like she is too little to be left alone.

I'm sure she'd much rather be mooching round shops for a few hours instead of joining you for lunch.

Say "why are you bringing your daughter? I thought it was going to be just us?"

Would not appeal to me at all

Tbh that absolutely says she always planned to bring her DD to me. That was the point to mention it being just you two.

@Mamalasira i know! I thought it was just me being unreasonable ! I thought it was strange of my friend to suggest it tbh!

Yes I think your right, I assumed she maybe woundnt bring her I was obviously being totally naive I think.

It's not you, I'd hate it. Seriously, say you thought it was going to be the 2 of you.

exactly !!! And spending money to do it as well 😟

I think as she’s basically on holiday with her daughter is unfair to expect her to leave her alone so she can go out and have a lovely time whilst her daughter is left twiddling her thumbs. Presumably if they live overseas the daughter doesn’t have a friend network or hobbies to occupy her time while she goes out.