Page 7 | To wonder what would happen if I refuse to have DD in my house any longer?

IronEverything · 27/10/2026 16:16

LahDiDahDiDah · 27/10/2026 15:20

Poor, poor kid.

ASD, ADHD, SEMH, abused by Dad?, puberty, recent Type 1 diabetes diagnosis (don't underestimate the impact of that especially with sensory issues of ASD) and now Mum doesn't want her and wants to refuse to let her in her own home!

Honestly I get it that you have it tough, but so does she and she's the child, your child. It's not her fault.

Call the police every time she kicks off as risk to you and herself, especially as Type 1 as this could result in medical emergency. This will trigger SG referrals to SC. SC must put proper respite care and a family support worker in place and you must fight for this.

Or otherwise give up and just abdicate responsibility for your vulnerable, neurodiverse child with a serious medical condition to someone else. .

No, you quite clearly do NOT get it. In fact you don't understand this situation at all in the slightest.

LeaderBee · 27/10/2026 16:18

PoppyPopper · 27/10/2026 00:22

lots of background if you search the user name, child is 11 with sen by the looks of things 😢

Not really helpful for this particular post though, it's a forum not a detective service.

PoppyPopper · 27/10/2026 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThePieceHall · 27/10/2026 16:26

Maeve0098 · 27/10/2026 16:02

Did you not push back though with the social worker and say NO actually I’m not coping, I DO need respite and I’m very close to a mental breakdown from this.

The truth is, I’m sure that even if the OP advocated fiercely for herself, and it’s hard to do when you are so downtrodden and burned out, there are no real services. Even though my DD1 is blind (and has other disabilities) and a significant sensory impairment being one of the key published criteria for children accessing our LA’s children with disabilities team, my DD1 could not access the children with disabilities team. Social workers and social work teams often act unlawfully.

ThePieceHall · 27/10/2026 16:26

Maeve0098 · 27/10/2026 16:02

Did you not push back though with the social worker and say NO actually I’m not coping, I DO need respite and I’m very close to a mental breakdown from this.

The truth is, I’m sure that even if the OP advocated fiercely for herself, and it’s hard to do when you are so downtrodden and burned out, there are no real services. Even though my DD1 is blind (and has other disabilities) and a significant sensory impairment being one of the key published criteria for children accessing our LA’s children with disabilities team, my DD1 could not access the children with disabilities team. Social workers and social work teams often act unlawfully.

Boomer55 · 27/10/2026 16:31

Qb2654 · 26/10/2026 22:27

Im not being heard, DD is nearly 12.

If I were to refuse to have her home anymore, what would happen?

Well, social services would sort something out for her, as an emergency, but it would be a huge palaver afterwards.

ThePieceHall · 27/10/2026 16:33

Boomer55 · 27/10/2026 16:31

Well, social services would sort something out for her, as an emergency, but it would be a huge palaver afterwards.

Show quote history

Unlikely.

ReadBooksMorons · 27/10/2026 16:41

Bit threadbare innit.

SaturdayNext · 27/10/2026 16:59

I take it your DD has an EHCP? Is it worth looking for a residential school so that she doesn't have to deal with so many transitions and is being taught by experts well beyond school hours? I know it's not easy to get but it may be worth a try.

If you were to refuse to have her home, she would be treated as abandoned and would probably be put into something like emergency foster care or a children's home initially. Social Services would probably try to work with you to try to get her back home, but might just begin to take you more seriously and you could talk about conditions such as a residential school placement and/or a reasonable amount of respite care.

Some time ago, a friend of mine was in a similar place to you and it was compounded by the fact that her child did not even have a school place so was home 24 hours a day. She tried everything she could to try to get some help but the council kept basically shrugging their shoulders and saying there as nothing they could do. Eventually, when she was on her last nerve not having slept for days and having to be constantly alert in case her child hurt her or themselves, she went to a meeting with her child when she found out herself meeting the same responses from the council. In absolutely despair, she just walked out, leaving her child behind. Within hours, the council that could find no respite care found an emergency foster carer, and within a couple of days the council that could find no school place found one close to her home. Obviously there is no guarantee that your position would be similar, but it does go to illustrate that it's amazing how councils suddenly manage to do their jobs when they find the problem literally landing on their doorstep.

ThatLemonBee · 27/10/2026 17:03

I guess a residential school might be the way to go, since you don’t what to have her anymore . You will probably still need to have her weekends . You cannot simply say I no longer want her , that’s child abandonment and neglect .

stichguru · 27/10/2026 17:12

Context is important here
If you mean refuse to let in the house a 12 year old who you are the legal parent or gaurdiain of, and her only parent(s)/gaurdian(s) live in you house, hopefully she and other chilldren would get taken into care, and you and other adults would go to prison and rot there forever.

If you mean strongly request that the child be taken into local authority care, because you can no longer cope with them for some reason, the LA would need to look at foster placements or children's homes.

If it isn't your child and is your home, like a step child who is looked after by a new partener in your home, then no-one can make you house a child you don't want who isn't yours.

Namechangetry · 27/10/2026 17:22

stichguru · 27/10/2026 17:12

Context is important here
If you mean refuse to let in the house a 12 year old who you are the legal parent or gaurdiain of, and her only parent(s)/gaurdian(s) live in you house, hopefully she and other chilldren would get taken into care, and you and other adults would go to prison and rot there forever.

If you mean strongly request that the child be taken into local authority care, because you can no longer cope with them for some reason, the LA would need to look at foster placements or children's homes.

If it isn't your child and is your home, like a step child who is looked after by a new partener in your home, then no-one can make you house a child you don't want who isn't yours.

RTFT OP is being abused by her DD who has a lot of needs. If you can't be arsed to read the 7 pages already written at least read the OPs posts past the first one

ThatLemonBee · 27/10/2026 17:38

SaturdayNext · 27/10/2026 16:59

I take it your DD has an EHCP? Is it worth looking for a residential school so that she doesn't have to deal with so many transitions and is being taught by experts well beyond school hours? I know it's not easy to get but it may be worth a try.

If you were to refuse to have her home, she would be treated as abandoned and would probably be put into something like emergency foster care or a children's home initially. Social Services would probably try to work with you to try to get her back home, but might just begin to take you more seriously and you could talk about conditions such as a residential school placement and/or a reasonable amount of respite care.

Some time ago, a friend of mine was in a similar place to you and it was compounded by the fact that her child did not even have a school place so was home 24 hours a day. She tried everything she could to try to get some help but the council kept basically shrugging their shoulders and saying there as nothing they could do. Eventually, when she was on her last nerve not having slept for days and having to be constantly alert in case her child hurt her or themselves, she went to a meeting with her child when she found out herself meeting the same responses from the council. In absolutely despair, she just walked out, leaving her child behind. Within hours, the council that could find no respite care found an emergency foster carer, and within a couple of days the council that could find no school place found one close to her home. Obviously there is no guarantee that your position would be similar, but it does go to illustrate that it's amazing how councils suddenly manage to do their jobs when they find the problem literally landing on their doorstep.

Suggesting this will help this woman but what about the sheer damage that will do to any child ? Let alone one with special needs . That’s an awful thing to plan .

ThePieceHall · 27/10/2026 17:42

SaturdayNext · 27/10/2026 16:59

I take it your DD has an EHCP? Is it worth looking for a residential school so that she doesn't have to deal with so many transitions and is being taught by experts well beyond school hours? I know it's not easy to get but it may be worth a try.

If you were to refuse to have her home, she would be treated as abandoned and would probably be put into something like emergency foster care or a children's home initially. Social Services would probably try to work with you to try to get her back home, but might just begin to take you more seriously and you could talk about conditions such as a residential school placement and/or a reasonable amount of respite care.

Some time ago, a friend of mine was in a similar place to you and it was compounded by the fact that her child did not even have a school place so was home 24 hours a day. She tried everything she could to try to get some help but the council kept basically shrugging their shoulders and saying there as nothing they could do. Eventually, when she was on her last nerve not having slept for days and having to be constantly alert in case her child hurt her or themselves, she went to a meeting with her child when she found out herself meeting the same responses from the council. In absolutely despair, she just walked out, leaving her child behind. Within hours, the council that could find no respite care found an emergency foster carer, and within a couple of days the council that could find no school place found one close to her home. Obviously there is no guarantee that your position would be similar, but it does go to illustrate that it's amazing how councils suddenly manage to do their jobs when they find the problem literally landing on their doorstep.

Please, OP, do not do this unless you are advised to do so by a specialist lawyer.

Original poster

Qb2654 · 27/10/2026 17:45

I do want her, I want her more than anything. I want my beautiful, funny, life loving girl.

I am not coping with her, I am pouring every ounce of what I have to give to her. My younger child has spent today in tears because he does not get a look in on my time. Im desperately trying to help her resettle and reconnect and rebuild our relationship. The whole of this half term is dedicated to that.

OP posts:

LittlePetitePsychopath · 27/10/2026 17:48

Have you seen if there is respite for your younger child, @Qb2654?

I know that seems backwards but, at least when I was dealing with this, there was a lot more support for siblings, a lot more people will volunteer time, as they are easier to manage. We used a friending service where people took siblings out for days out, funded by the council, but we also had the option of some overnight stays, I think. All done by approved foster carers.

bigarse1 · 27/10/2026 17:51

@Qb2654 is there a chance that she has PDA? Reading your posts and the addition of diabetes and all the demands that brings I wonder if she may have and was kind of coping until now and the extra demands have just made it so she can't cope?
It sounds awful for the both of you. If she does have PDA it needs a whole different type of parenting and schooling. I could be completely wrong.
I wonder if you could remove from school for a few weeks and just spend some time lowering demands? It sounds like you both just need some nice calm time?
I don't underestimate what you are going through at all. I am a mum to three children with a huge amount of disabilities and I wonder if she is just so anxious she can't cope? I hope it all works out x

Hydrangeblueeyes · 27/10/2026 18:06

x2boys · 27/10/2026 10:04

Responses like yours are not paticulatly helpful either
The reality is resources are limited in what can be offered .

Show quote history

And resources will continue to be limited unless people fight for them. MPs are voted in to represent their constituents and change policy at government level.

ThisCraftyAquaHedgehog · 27/10/2026 18:08

Much as it will break your heart, the next time she is being violent towards you call the police to come and help you. They will likely refer to SS and once SS get repeated calls from the police, you are more likely to get help.

You cannot continue like this or you or her will be seriously injured.

My heart goes out to you, it's a terrible position to be in with your otherwise really delightful and lovely child.

Gazelda · 27/10/2026 18:21

God, I wish I could hug you OP. I wish I could come to yours, take over for an afternoon while you and DS go out for some fun.

Your reality, and that of so many other families, is so hidden, misunderstood and ignored.

do you have a supportive GP? Could you go to see them next week and say that you need help for yourself? Someone to help you work out how to get the right support for DD, DS and yourself.

ThatLemonBee · 27/10/2026 18:23

Qb2654 · 27/10/2026 17:45

I do want her, I want her more than anything. I want my beautiful, funny, life loving girl.

I am not coping with her, I am pouring every ounce of what I have to give to her. My younger child has spent today in tears because he does not get a look in on my time. Im desperately trying to help her resettle and reconnect and rebuild our relationship. The whole of this half term is dedicated to that.

Iam mum to 2 very different neurodivergent kids , oldest has severe autism and his teens where awful and I mean awful but it got better , so much better . You say she was diagnosed with diabetes , do you think that might be making it worse as diabetes can cause all sorts of issues , I had a friend diagnosed bipolar and turns out it was diabetes that where throwing her brain completely out of sync .
How is she without the school pressure ? Does she enjoy going or is it a source of anxiety ?

roaringdragon · 27/10/2026 18:39

For your younger DC, have a look at Sibs and your local young carers service.

Calliopespa · 27/10/2026 18:49

Most likely? After about 12 hours you will feel sick with worry and regret.

But I am sorry OP. It sounds incredibly difficult.

SleepQuest33 · 27/10/2026 19:06

Oh my goodness OP, yiur situation sounds understandable. Does her school have a boarding option? If not, can you search for another placement with weekly or termly boarding?

SpringDreams26 · 27/10/2026 19:12

It doesn’t get any better OP, only worse. You need more respite. IME those who shout the loudest get it. Ask the social worker to assess her for residential care and say she can’t live with you. They won’t remove her, they’ll fall at your feet to make things more manageable.