To wonder what would happen if I refuse to have DD in my house any longer?

[Qb2654]

Im not being heard, DD is nearly 12.

If I were to refuse to have her home anymore, what would happen?

Awful but you might have to have her sectioned.

I think you have misunderstood my post. I urged the OP to use a specialist lawyer like Damien Dobson of JWP Solicitors rather than trying to take on the might of her LA on her own. I was counteracting another suggestion that the OP leave her DD at school; I was pointing out that this would leave her open to criminal charges of neglect, abuse and abandonment and could possibly lead to a process that could see her other children removed.

Please google PEGs. It is an organisation that supports parents whose children are being abusive to them. Not exclusively those children with SEN but a lot are. They help in so many ways please try them today. I would also go back to social services and ask for the chilren with disabilities team do a direct payments review and use this money if allocated to pay for respite. In a very similar situation I went into CAMHS and refused to leave. Literally sat there all morning and said my child is going to kill me or someone else and I will go to the press and said I came here but no one would help. My child was seen an unheard of 3 times a week after that. Message me if you want to chat. My GP was also really good and I would speak with them.

It’s not about convenience unfortunately. It’s reality. Extreme behavioural problems make placement outside the home difficult if not impossible. Social services will know this. I’ve seen cases where siblings resident in the home have gone to live with relatives because the resources just aren’t available for any other solution. Provision is patchy around the country and in some areas it’s non-existent and social care can’t offer resources they haven’t got.

You cant just get someone sectioned.

It sounds like you need a short break/respite arrangement. Is your daughter known to the children with disabilities team at your council (may be called something different).

So all members of a family remain stuck in a situation that is detrimental to all of them. That is grim @ThreadGuardDog

IS she being heard?

OP says her DD has complex SEMH - social, emotional and mental health needs. It’s been some years now since the SEND Code of Practice shifted the focus from simply subduing ‘bad behaviour’ to recognising that these behaviours are often a way of communicating underlying distress or unmet needs. Simply sectioning the poor child wouldn’t help her - it would likely make things worse.

Yes, PEGS is a good suggestion as is CAPA First Response.

There is very little support for struggling families. It is very hard.
I hope that are offered respite and support. You cannot do it alone. Best of luck.

It’s utterly depressing and devastating for all concerned. I’ve seen adult children with severe spectrum and mental health conditions who are living with parents and have violent outbursts. Several families I supported had safe rooms in their homes where they could lock themselves in to avoid the worst of the outbursts and it wasn’t uncommon to see parents and other family members who had been repeatedly assaulted. Younger siblings were sent to other family members and in one situation the mum moved out with the younger sibling and rented a flat because it was the only way they could keep him safe.

I only ever saw a couple of cases where placements outside the home were arranged, and these were in secure group homes where the aggression could be managed and the disabled person themselves was only allowed out in public accompanied by trained staff. The demand for these types of facilities massively outstrips availability because of the expense involved.

Gosh just read your updates. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Is it possible to place her in a foster care or another setting and you’ll still visit? Sounds like she is too much to handle for one person and needs a team. Can you call social services and ask what options there are?

Yep. Agree. The assumption on MN is that because help is needed it will be provided. Sadly this isn’t the case and in some areas resources are non existent. Posters immediately leap to the conclusion that social care and other support agencies and services are being deliberately unhelpful but the reality is that often the resources for what’s needed are just not there.

Social services have already said they are closing the case. Unfortunately the reality is that foster care, and indeed any placement outside the home with the complex disabilities DD has are going to be very difficult because behavioural problems present serious challenges, and resources are thin on the ground.

Thank you for posting this. This is the parlous state of children’s services, whereby LAs would rather spend tens of thousands of pounds fighting broken and desperate families through the family courts rather than providing appropriate support. And that is not 45-day single assessments or child in need or child protection plans. Where nothing is actually DONE. Why should families be separated or have to rent other housing? Also, what about the families who cannot afford to do this because extreme SEN often means broken careers? I really hope that this thread has opened new eyes to how very many families have to live in such dangerous situations.

In what way ? She has complex SEN and MH issues. Often the behaviours DD is exhibiting are a sign that there are unmet needs, but OP is only one person and it’s a hugely difficult situation to deal with.

It doesn't work like that.

Perhaps I have missed this but the OP asked what would happen if she just didn't let the child into her home.
What would actually happen? I presume the police would become involved, and then what? If OP just refused to let the child in, to force the issue.

I think on forums like these there is an assumption that appropriate help will always be available. In the real world, the problems are often complex and the resources are stretched to the limit, so it’s a constant firefight.

It would be a lot easier for @Qb2654 to get herself sectioned (I’m not suggesting she actually does this)

Yep and even when respite etc is agreed
It can still be cancelled / paused at any time.

A few of us have answered this question. The police and children’s social care would become involved. Things would get NASTY. The OP would be liable to a criminal investigation for child abuse/child neglect and/or child abandonment. As a consequence, this would trigger a LADO/stategy meeting. The OP would most likely be put through a s47 child protection inquiry. There would be threats of her other children being removed on the grounds of at future risk of emotional harm.

She cant just a get herself sectioned either.

It sounds like this poor girl is in serious danger of harming herself. Having her sectioned under the mental health act 1983 could be at least investigated.