To wonder what would happen if I refuse to have DD in my house any longer?

[Qb2654]

Im not being heard, DD is nearly 12.

If I were to refuse to have her home anymore, what would happen?

It's probably AI fishing for content.
A parent who was actually desperate would use their words and explain.

Sorry, ended up needing to sort her.

Father is not allowed any contact, court ordered no direct or indirect.

Her behaviour is out of control, she has complex SEN needs and is in a specialist school provision. I am being screamed abuse at and lashed out at. It is like living with a 11 year old version of her father.

School are struggling to cope with her and after a 2.5 hour stand off outside school last week at pick up, have done safeguarding referrals. I have done everything I can, but there is only one of me

And social worker came yesterday as part of that referral and has said I am doing great, can't possibly need respite or help and is closing as no concerns.

Dsd mum did this, social services still didn’t care

She is your responsibility. If you can’t/wont look after her at the moment, is there a relative she can stay with? Can you arrange private fostering with a friend or through an Agency (children’s social care have to be informed)? Ultimately if you won’t or can’t look after her, Children’s social care will make arrangements. You could potentially be charged (have to pay) a contribution depending on your means. I’m guessing there is a back story here. Hope you and your dad find a way through.

She is going through puberty and will be more difficult than a few years ago.

You need to keep ringing SS and asking for help.

You cannot lock her out because you are responsible for her and will therefore get arrested and charged with a crime.

You also don’t want to regret how you acted because you were so desperate.

I would ask to put her into foster care.
Even if it doesn’t happen, then at least SS will be involved.
Foster care is often only temporary and you can use it as respite.

What are her complex SEN needs?
Does she have SEMH?

She is autistic and adhd. Lots of SEMH difficulties. Her specialist school is an independent specialist as absolutely nowhere else could take her due to the level of her needs. She also was diagnosed as T1 diabetic 2 months ago which has provoked a huge deterioration in her.

There is no family for her to go to.

As an example of what we are dealing with, Thursday at pick up she panicked as she thought she had been left behind. She was screaming abuse for 2 hours, hitting, Kicking, trying to pull me to the ground, trying to bite, was throwing rocks. Then had a hypo in the middle of it all and wouldn't accept treatment. There was me and about 6 members of school staff trying to sort her. Then I get to go home and do it all alone, with a little brother to try and look after too.

This is clearly a massively difficult situation but she is a complex child with significant NEW medical needs. It’s not surprising you are both struggling. Have you asked her diabetes team for advice dealing with the emotional impact of her diagnosis and how her sugar levels are impacting her behavioural issues?

Your dd has developmental delays and a serious medical condition. She needs your support, not abandonment. I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound cruel, as a mom of Sen kids I know how tough it can be, I understand you need support. Can you approach your gp about getting extra support ? Maybe a letter from them might prompt some extra help with social services ? What exactly have social services said ? They try everything to keep kids with their parents, usually a relative is better than care.

You need to keep on and on and on telling social care that you can't cope alone and need respite. Keep on about the detriment to your younger child. At least a few extra hours care would give you time to spend with him. But you will have to keep on and on.

I had this years ago with my middle son. Social services didn't help me at all. I begged them to take him, they literally said, he was my responsibility and I had to manage.

In the end me and his dad got another property and he moved there with the son and I stayed here with the other two. That made things a lot better. Not perfect but, a lot better. Not everyone can do this. I was very disappointed in social services. I was suicidal and ill with it all.

I am sorry for you.
I know it sounds awful but putting up with that behaviour for two and a half hours?

She either needs to be in some sort of residential care or told a few home truths.
SEN and Type 1 does not mean you can go around screaming and shouting for two hours.
It is either she is very unwell or very entitled. I don’t know in order to say which but you will. If it is the first she needs medical help.
If it is the second she needs to realise other people do not do what she is doing. And should stop it. Baby tantrums are for babies. Not for girls who are growing up.
She needs to understand physical assault is not okay. Or clever. Or smart.

Honestly Monty36, there is no need to blame the OP. No one is putting up with anything. If having a better attitude to your child’s meltdowns stopped meltdowns then life for all would be so much easier. Just having a zero tolerance policy doesn’t work.

OP - my similar aged son has just been prescribed propanol for anxiety. It has reduced incidence of meltdowns by a huge amount. We don’t give near bedtime as it can mess with melatonin production. It can come in liquid form if pills are problematic.

You really don’t understand neurodevelopmental disabilities, and it shows.

thought she had been left behind. She was screaming abuse for 2 hours, hitting, Kicking, trying to pull me to the ground, trying to bite, was throwing rocks. Then had a hypo in the middle of it all and wouldn't accept treatment. There was me and about 6 members of school staff trying to sort her. Then I get to go home and do it all alone, with a little brother to try and look after too.
Video these episodes.
Show videos to GP & whichever ‘body’ is telling you you’re doing ok.

I said if she has problems that need medical interventions then she does.
Mum cannot cope. And I am not surprised.

You misunderstand. I felt sorry for the OP. Who needs help.

Myself and 6 other far more highly trained individuals than I am did not just allow her to carry on for the sake of it. You cannot de-escalate her, you have to maintain safety, let her exhaust herself for a pause and then try. There is no cognitive control there whatsoever. It is exhausting and she is only a few inches shorter than me now.

She was referred to and assessed by CAMHs 18 months ago who discharged her as she does not fall within the profile of children they can support and had nothing to offer her.

Social care suggested my mum provides respite, my mum cannot. They've said school and diabetes team are adequate support and I am doing a good job so they are closing us.

You can't. You can't just lock her out. It would probably involve something where you incriminate yourself. I am sorry it is so hard. I have two with autism and one is extremely violent towards me. Police call outs etc. We are under camhs, EHCP, special school but outside school we get no support. It's horrendous but it is what it is. I have just accepted that I don't have a life and that my other child's life is so severely impacted by their violent sibling. But in 2026 Britain,there is no help for families like hours (no matter how much the gutter press tried to pedal the myth that we all have the live of Riley).

She would go and live with a relative or go into foster care.

When she is attacking you, please call the police. It will open up the services or reopen the services that can offer help.

I had no idea six highly trained individuals were unable to help.
What do you think needs to happen OP ?

been there, done that. It will achieve nothing. You will get a telling off from the police though for wasting their time as they are not a mental health support service. It doesn't unlock anything. People are so naive when they think there is help out there. It's absurd. where do you get this idea from that this would possibly trigger support???

I think what you're actually asking is whether you can relinquish parental responsibility and have your 12-year-old daughter placed into care or potentially adopted. You cannot simply refuse a child access to their own home, but you can approach Children's Services and explain that you are no longer able to safely care for her due to her abusive behaviour. They can assess the situation and discuss alternative care arrangements, including voluntary accommodation. This wouldn't automatically mean adoption, but there are formal routes available if you genuinely feel unable to continue caring for her.

Jeez, that's appalling.

When a friend was struggling to get support with an SEN child, she got help and advocacy from a charity called Family Action. They were brilliant, and helped her no end.

Might be worth checking them out and seeing what they offer.