To wonder what would happen if I refuse to have DD in my house any longer?

[Qb2654]

Im not being heard, DD is nearly 12.

If I were to refuse to have her home anymore, what would happen?

Local authorities pay to send children to these all the time

Yes, there is the legal right for the OP to have her DD accommodated by her local authority; it is covered by s20 of the Children Act. Obviously, the vast majority of LAs act unlawfully and will gaslight families. Families need to lawyer up.

Hi yes as I said, it can be done but not as easily as some seem to think. It's a long long process. It took us 4 years of active campaigning and even then I still feel incredibly fortunate as I know many who have not succeeded despite being text book cases on paper . Yes we were citing all relevant law etc etc

Its still not a realistic option for many people or an easy process.

I knew a few kids of parents who did exactly this. They only went home for a few weeks in the summer, if they were lucky.

One girl was very lonely and became infactuated with a male teacher (and i really do mean obsessed). In a girl's boarding school, she rarely saw a single other boy or man apart from this teacher and her dad for 90% of her childhood. No idea why they did this, it always bothered me, she and her parents must've almost been strangers.

The other was the daughter of rich parents in Hong Kong. This was pre 1997 and they wanted to keep her out of the country before China regained control. Sadly her dad died during this time, but she ended up staying in the UK, i get the impression she may have been in danger back home.

Drop her off to a police station and they will arrange temporary foster care / put her in a home. Be aware but this will then put your second child on the high risk register with social services however I don’t think anybody could blame you and I will be doing exactly the same. I really feel for you. You must be exhausted.

Have you got a member of the children's disability team to do a full assessment of needs??

How old is her brother OP?

I think you need to be very very tough and persistent, in asking for specialist respite, or even residential. Have you researched if there are any residential sen schools within your local authority?

The social worker doesn't live with your dsughter. I've no doubt you are doing your best but there is a limit to what you can take.

A specialist boarding school (a kind one of course), would be appropriate. Some children flourish in such places.

I am sorry you are going through this. x

I am so embarrassed for you.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t think of any useful advice other than urgent review to get provision for a residential school

I agree but if OP doesn't try she will never know if she could get a place for DD. She needs to start with the school and an EHCP review in which the school states that they are unable to meet DD's needs which sounds to be the case. I cannot imagine that they have 6 spare members of staff just waiting for the next meltdown. There are a few SEND residential schools around the country and the fact that they are residential means that they don't have to be local. It will take a lot of determination on OP's part but just the fact that it is a possibility might give her a boost and a fresh impetus. I hope so.

It's unclear whether you want advice on actually doing this or whether you are just venting your frustration? It sounds incredibly tough either way.

Request an early review of the EHCP. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. This is because, regardless of the question of placement, DD needs more support in the EHCP. What support is currently in the EHCP, and is it being provided?

Is DD receiving any clinical psychologist support via the T1D team/someone they refer to?

Alongside this, you can challenge the children’s services handling of your case. You might want to get someone to look over the case/paperwork to see if you have a case for a pre-action letter. Sadly, everything is a fight.

Its really not that simple.

My husband is diabetic T1 and pre hypo can get very belligerent so I suspect that there might be a big element of that with your daughter. Poor thing it's a lot to deal with on top of ND.

She might need to to have a sensor especially as she's not really able to manage her levels. It's been a game changer to us. I think you need to get that sorted asap. Also hormones are hugely difficult for ND girls (we have one of those too) so that in top is an awful mix. There might be support available for you as a parent locally seperate to school.

No advice just wanted to say how sorry i am you are going through this op

So sorry this was your experience. You deserve support. Get on the phone every day until they listen 🙏 this is exactly why I'll never believe anyone who says social services are there to help.

i was referred once during extreme illness and being unable to maintain the home but because I cleaned up they said I didnt need ongoing support despite throwing up over 30 times all day everyday with 3 kids at home and pregnant with an auto immune disorder🙃 so ive been where you are. Unfortunately unless you're a raging dr*g addict or battering your kids they dont wanna know.

Sending a hand hold OP. Can her school help at all? My daughters alternative provision was a lifesaver when i was struggling.

Poor, poor kid.

ASD, ADHD, SEMH, abused by Dad?, puberty, recent Type 1 diabetes diagnosis (don't underestimate the impact of that especially with sensory issues of ASD) and now Mum doesn't want her and wants to refuse to let her in her own home!

Honestly I get it that you have it tough, but so does she and she's the child, your child. It's not her fault.

Call the police every time she kicks off as risk to you and herself, especially as Type 1 as this could result in medical emergency. This will trigger SG referrals to SC. SC must put proper respite care and a family support worker in place and you must fight for this.

Or otherwise give up and just abdicate responsibility for your vulnerable, neurodiverse child with a serious medical condition to someone else. .

I didn’t say it was simple.

Your child MUST have a CGM and insulin pump urgently if she hasn't already got them, due to her level of needs and SEMH. They must not make her wait for 6 months or whatever stupid arbitrary limit they have decided she needs to manage it herself for. You also need to fight for this too!

Best combo is Dexcom G7 with Omnipod 5.

So sorry you are going through this Qb. I am also a single parent to a SEN child and it is hell. Keep hounding social services about respite care. You desperately need this. Mention safeguarding over and over again. They will not do anything unless they absolutely have to.

Good grief

OP is being abused. She is not abdicating responsibility she's trying to get help for herself and her abuser. Nice victim blaming.

Could this be hormonal? Has she always been like this? Check diet get some blood tests done she may be lacking on something? Check irons transferin and ferritin especially. I have a friend who was experiencing this turned out the child was lacking something nutrition wise I think

Did you not push back though with the social worker and say NO actually I’m not coping, I DO need respite and I’m very close to a mental breakdown from this.