Page 40 | Was I wrong to take my kids to partner’s family’s meal?

Puplunchcrasher · 2026-10-26T13:35:53+00:00

This situation happened completely organically I did not give it a moment’s thought I admit I didn’t think it through. I have been with my partner for two years. He will move in with me next year. His family seem very nice and when they have met my sons who are mid teens they have been polite. Every few months his father invites us to a pub lunch and he pays. There is DP, a brother and a sister, and six grandchildren and they are joined by SiL and occasionally BiL. Yesterday my sons were at home so we brought them, we gave it no thought whatsoever. They shook hands and everyone was polite. It was a good meal with lots of laughter. DP’s father went to pay and left with his daughter and her children. We had a drink from the bar and went to leave. A young man ran after my eldest son with the bill for my sons’ meals. I have never been so upset and embarrassed in my life. I never thought consciously that I would get free meals for my sons but neither would I have not paid for two kids when I was out with my family. Partner dropped us home and he and his son left. He said he would speak to his dad but I don’t want him to.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · Today 09:30

@Puplunchcrasher you absolutely are a CF, why on earth would you not, out of courtesy ask a) if it was ok to bring an extra 2 to the meal and b) offer to pay.

2 years is not a long time, and certainly not long enough to assume your children are invited to someone else’s family gathering - just because they have met them doesn’t mean they have to treat them as family.

Charlenedickens · Today 09:32

Puplunchcrasher · Today 09:26

I am 46 and my partner is 51. Why are people referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend like we’re teenagers?

People will never believe me but all this was done completely innocently by me. Partner’s father and his partner have been guests in my home often and have often met my sons.

We can’t marry as this will raise complications for all our sons. So are we never going to be considered family?

Well the kicker last night came with partner’s ex textng him asking what had happened as apparently his son complained about my sons coming to the pub and my partner being critical of his grandfather in the car. I did not join in with this at all. I think he should have paid and had it out with partner afterwards; he didn’t need to embarrass my sons.

As for partner’s son , he sees his father alone all the time gets on well with my youngest.

our children are too old to blend but we’re talking about a pub lunch.

I haven’t read all the responses it I am not a cheeky fucker but in the chaos of so many I genuinely didn’t think. I won’t put my sons in a situation like this again.

Wow you’re really doubling down on it, now he embarassed your kids, no you did,you embarrassed them by bringing them somewhere they were not invited and not offering to pay

as for never considered family, you’ve been with this guys two years, you don’t live together, you don’t share finances, of course you’re not considered family.

randomchap · Today 09:32

Done completely innocently? My arse

You brought two extra people who were not invited without checking first.

That is rude even with offering to pay. Not offering takes it from rude to cheeky fuckery

Sussexserpents · Today 09:32

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · Today 09:29

He would have had to remember what the sons had eaten, go all through the bill and deduct those items, so that excuse simply doesn't wash.

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Yes but you also agreed that he shouldn’t have had to pay. So he could have deducted and forgot to tell his son that he needed to pay for the extra guests he brought

Sussexserpents · Today 09:32

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · Today 09:29

He would have had to remember what the sons had eaten, go all through the bill and deduct those items, so that excuse simply doesn't wash.

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Yes but you also agreed that he shouldn’t have had to pay. So he could have deducted and forgot to tell his son that he needed to pay for the extra guests he brought

edit - sorry that came through twice!

Growlybear83 · Today 09:32

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · Today 09:25

That's on the son, though, not the OP. The OP is effectively his son's 'plus 1'. The son should have spoken up if he thought he needed to clear the two extra guests with his dad.

The son is the one who knows his father best and understands the format of these family meals. If I were in the OP's position and my DP okayed it, tacitly or explicitly, I wouldn't question his judgment about his own parent.

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There are two separate issues really. The first is the OP’s assumption that her children would be welcome at her boyfriend’s family event, and I agree it would have been helpful if her boyfriend had checked first, although it sounded as if it was a last minute decision to take her sons. The other and more important issue is that, having decided to take her uninvited children with her, the OP then expected her boyfriend’s father to pay what must have been an absolute minimum of £50 for the privilege of having two children at his family meal who aren’t a part of his family!

Sam9769 · Today 09:33

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:29

It must be quite cheap to go through life if ‘I didn’t think I would have to pay for stuff’ was a valid option. Free shopping, free meals.

this was all started with the ops outrageously entitled cheeky fuckery. People could argue the toss about how the bloke should have approached it, but I think go to the root. She caused herself to be ‘upset and embarrassed’. She should be. I’d be embarrassed too if I didn’t remember that an adult needs to pay for their own stuff.

the right thing to do now for the op is to own it and apologise profusely to the dad for putting him in that situation.

to even think that the right action from here is to never speak to the father again shows a lack of maturity, zero self awareness, zero ability to take accountability and entitlement.

Well said!

MsPrufrockk · Today 09:33

@Puplunchcrasher I'm so confused how you can seriously think you AREN'T a CF? This is wild 😂

Sussexserpents · Today 09:35

Puplunchcrasher · Today 09:26

I am 46 and my partner is 51. Why are people referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend like we’re teenagers?

People will never believe me but all this was done completely innocently by me. Partner’s father and his partner have been guests in my home often and have often met my sons.

We can’t marry as this will raise complications for all our sons. So are we never going to be considered family?

Well the kicker last night came with partner’s ex textng him asking what had happened as apparently his son complained about my sons coming to the pub and my partner being critical of his grandfather in the car. I did not join in with this at all. I think he should have paid and had it out with partner afterwards; he didn’t need to embarrass my sons.

As for partner’s son , he sees his father alone all the time gets on well with my youngest.

our children are too old to blend but we’re talking about a pub lunch.

I haven’t read all the responses it I am not a cheeky fucker but in the chaos of so many I genuinely didn’t think. I won’t put my sons in a situation like this again.

That’s awful behaviour to discuss in front of partners son - I would also be fuming if I was him. Do the adults in this situation have no idea how to behave??

Charlenedickens · Today 09:35

In addition if you’re both middle aged, there is a high chance this man is 80 odds years old, a pensioner who treats his family every few months,

you’re being so so rude, and grabby, declaring you were innocent in you never even thought who’d be paying, you’re so used to fronting up places with your kids and being paid for, yet demanding he should have paid

you’ve even moved it to he embarassed your kids, refusing to accept you did that, and declaring he’s been in your home, whilst neglecting to mention you’ve likely been in his and been treated ti lunch before.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · Today 09:35

Charlenedickens · Today 09:26

What as she’s some feeble woman with no responsibility for her or her kids, she’s a grown uo and needs to take responsibility for her own actions,and I’d guess she never asked him if his dad would give them a free meal.

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They jointly decided to take her children. OP specifically says this just happened, they didn't have a conversation about it. Thus we can assume the OP's partner thought his dad would be fine with it. If this was an error of judgement on his son's behalf, his son who has known his father closely for 51 years, one can hardly blame the OP for making the same error of judgement after 2 years of casual acquaintance.

seanconneryseyebrow · Today 09:36

With the latest update, I find it a mix of utter bafflement but also amusement. How can someone be so clueless? Well two people actually cos it sounds like her DP is the same. You should marry him immediately because you aren't gping to meet someone else like you I swear.

Utterly batshit. Even the dads young fella is calling you both out and you still don't see it!.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:36

It is WORSE op is this was ‘all done completely innocently by me.’
shocking entitlement.

Notonthestairs · Today 09:37

You are still presenting yourself as helpless.
A straightforward “Graham, I’ll pay for my kids” would have sufficed.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:37

SandyCastles · Today 09:25

But this is how choosy fuckers operate, they put someone in an incredibly awkward position of having to say no, in the hope that the target is too polite to do so.

Fair play to him, he didn't have the awkward conversation, but he refused to go along with OP and his own son being CF too, he played them at their own game.

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This

shhblackbag · Today 09:38

I can't believe you're still doubling down. Unbelievable. And your partner is an arsehole being critical of his father in front of his child. That's uncomfortable as a grandchild.

All this could have been avoided if the two of you had acted like adults and not assumed that bringing people without an invitation and not paying for them is a reasonable thing to do.

OttersOnAPlane · Today 09:42

Why are people referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend like we’re teenagers?

Because you are dating, not living together.

his son complained about my sons coming to the pub and my partner being critical of his grandfather in the car

As he should, because your sons were neither invited nor wanted, and then his dad slagged his grandad off to his girlfriend, after the granddad had generously taken his children and grandchildren out for lunch.

You're not just a CF, you're a rude CF.

Greebocat · Today 09:43

Wilfulignoranceabounds · Yesterday 17:48

She already said that she wasn’t thinking full stop…which is completely different from thinking bloody-mindedly. As a menopausal woman, I can understand not thinking. I can’t understand the actions of the father, though.

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Oh come off it, the menopause doesn’t make you forget to pay for meals you have ordered. She didn’t even thank her DP dad for paying for her meal. The dad wasn’t rude or inconsiderate he was setting his boundaries. Something on here that women are told to do. She was rude and inconsiderate, own it, apologise and move on.

Benjithedog · Today 09:43

Puplunchcrasher · Today 09:26

I am 46 and my partner is 51. Why are people referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend like we’re teenagers?

People will never believe me but all this was done completely innocently by me. Partner’s father and his partner have been guests in my home often and have often met my sons.

We can’t marry as this will raise complications for all our sons. So are we never going to be considered family?

Well the kicker last night came with partner’s ex textng him asking what had happened as apparently his son complained about my sons coming to the pub and my partner being critical of his grandfather in the car. I did not join in with this at all. I think he should have paid and had it out with partner afterwards; he didn’t need to embarrass my sons.

As for partner’s son , he sees his father alone all the time gets on well with my youngest.

our children are too old to blend but we’re talking about a pub lunch.

I haven’t read all the responses it I am not a cheeky fucker but in the chaos of so many I genuinely didn’t think. I won’t put my sons in a situation like this again.

This is on you and not your partner’s father. It’s your not thinking that has caused all this nonsence

Charlenedickens · Today 09:45

Greebocat · Today 09:43

Oh come off it, the menopause doesn’t make you forget to pay for meals you have ordered. She didn’t even thank her DP dad for paying for her meal. The dad wasn’t rude or inconsiderate he was setting his boundaries. Something on here that women are told to do. She was rude and inconsiderate, own it, apologise and move on.

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It’s shocking anyone would blame the menopause for this, I’ve been through menopause, at no point did I forget meals had to be paid for,

RedThroatedWarbler · Today 09:47

apparently his son complained about my sons coming to the pub and my partner being critical of his grandfather in the car

"Apparently", "complained".
More assumptions and 3rd hand interpretation of what was said in a conversation that you were not part of.

Have you/your boyfriend always assumed you were invited to these lunches? And then bringing two extra along was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Starbright102 · Today 09:49

Charlenedickens · Today 09:22

Wow, that’s quite something, you think it’s ok to front up to a family meal with your kids uninvited, and not offer to pay and they should just be paid for?

if she’d spoken in advance, or offered to pay, or said something on arrival, hi hope it’s ok Joe and jimmy are here, we will pay, then he likely would have said that’s fine, but to turn up to his lunch, with his family without any mention and expect to be paid for is awful behaviour

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I think they should be considered near enough extended family at worst

HisNibs · Today 09:49

randomchap · Today 09:32

Done completely innocently? My arse

You brought two extra people who were not invited without checking first.

That is rude even with offering to pay. Not offering takes it from rude to cheeky fuckery

Totally agree. OP is 46 and DP is 51 and neither of them with this many years behind them thought that there was nothing wrong bringing along 2 uninvited guests with no offer to pay for them? Yeah, innocent my arse...

Bubstar · Today 09:50

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callmeLoretta1 · Today 09:50

I feel for you OP, I can understand that you simply just didn't think. Your partner's dad should have spoken to you privately if he had an issue, instead of just....not paying and leaving you to find out that way. That was a shock. I also feel for your sons, especially the one who was handed the bill. That seems pointed, why didn't the bar staff hand the bill to YOU or your partner? It doesn't make sense.

Has your partner spoken to him yet?