DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

If you are In senior management both of you, I would hope you earn well. Can you not arrange for a nanny to look after all three children?

Well that’s bollocks. If annual leave was refused (I assume due to business needs) then why would unpaid leave be approved? He’s a gigantic liar who is just trying to make sure you never ask again because he’ll throw the cost in your face. Why are you putting up with him? Throw him out. He’s not adding anything to your life.

Don’t give him any attention. People with kids have to take time off work to look after them sometimes!
This situation can’t happen again though. You both need to sit down together and work out the rest of the school holidays for the year and which of you is going to take which days off. If you can’t use holiday clubs it it going to have to be split between the two of you. If there’s anyone who can help, like your sister, book the dates in with them now.
It might also be that you will both need to take some parental leave to make it enough days.
Or possibly as an emergency you could both WFH in 2h shifts (like we did in Covid times) if you really can’t do anything else.

@Beckyboo8 he is relying on you deciding it is easier to give in and do it yourself.

DO NOT fall for it. Plan out who is covering which holidays in future. You need a rota for holidays and sick cover. Neither of you should be doing childcare when you should be working - one needs to be on unpaid leave or holiday

How do you know he’s moaning and sulking. Leave him to it! Focus on your job. Why don’t you go and work in a cafe? You need to have space and peace and quiet. Not noisy kids and a grumpy DH. He should also be taking them out somewhere….

Your work is paying you to work and that both you and your dh. Neither of you should be working and doing childcare. If you not able to use a holiday club you do what ever other parent does and take leave...you share the leave between you and your dh. That's just what you have to do if you have children and no family back up. Yabu but both of you are. Your poor employers.

Ah, you see, it's , because there is no nanny in the world - however experienced and specialist - who can look after these three children. Yet OP can, whilst simultaneously working from home in a 'senior management' position. And DP would just leave them in front of iPads or whatever - yet there is literally no childcare possible for these three children

Something is missing here

I find this thread especially galling as I got a slap on the wrist for the one day I didn’t attend the office. But of course senior people do what they like - typical corporate and yes I am bitter.

And the poor kids who must feel the stress of having a reluctant sukjy dad and a mum whose attention is divided between them, her paid job and mumsnet.
That's of course if anyone other than the OP actually exist in this ongoing saga.

Sulky not sukjy of course.

I think you both need to just arrange childcare between you, neither of you should be looking after children while doing their job jobs

Cue the pile on from non-SEN parents “just get childcare”. If only it were that simple.

yes, your husband should absolutely be trying to come up with a solution with you rather than just shutting himself in his room. You are being left to manage an unfair amount of emotional and physical labour and it says a lot about how much he values your time and career.

Your marriage won't and shouldn't survive if he's not willing to do his share of childcare/parenting.