DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

OP mentions the SEN diagnoses in her second post:

'I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.'

Not even the whiff of an indication @Beckyboo8 has the least bit intention of doing anything suggested by any poster. It was a thread to moan. No doubt because those in RL around her of sick of the incessant moaning but never any desire to do anything about it. There will no doubt be a fourth pregnancy soon.

OP its time to discuss divorce. DH will look after his kids then. I can't believe it.

Why assume he will see the kids in the event of divorce?

Except that wouldn’t happen. Can’t force him to have them 50% of the time. Doesn’t automatically become his problem.

Laughable when posters assume the courts will force a parent to have their child

😆 People are still posting utter rubbish then!

People who have no idea of the realities

Divorce op. No you can’t force him to look after his children in that event however you’ll be free of this shit.

If your H won’t parent by using his annual leave, help organise suitable childcare, and expresses those views, would plan to divorce him and get legal advice to maximise your post divorce financial and housing position, on the assumption that his poor co-parenting would continue post divorce meaning it’d almost all fall to you.

She really won't be. Shit husbands make shit ex husbands.

I am not saying don't leave him. But leave with eyes wide open and no expectations he will be a good co parent

Many shit men push for 50/50 on paper so they don't have to pay child maintenance, but then don't actually have the children 50/50 in reality. And don't do any of the doctors trips /pick ups when kids are ill etc. And they probably have a new girlfriend/wife who thinks they are "such a good dad"

What does he use his holidays for? We have SEN kids who can't go in holiday clubs. I plan out our annual leave for the year, I book parental leave if necessary or buy leave through work. I tell him what days I need him to take off. If he had ever refused I would tell him to be an actual father to his kids.

I know what the OP posted. I was referring to the poster you quoted.

WFH in a senior job and looking after 3 children with high needs just isn't workable long term. By opting out your husband is forcing you to do it all or solve the problem. It's ridiculous that he takes that attitude when you are the higher earner, so it hardly makes sense for you to give up work or find a less well paid term time only job (they are like gold dust anyway). Have you asked him how everything would be paid for if you gave up work?

If it was me I think his attitude and contempt for you would lead to divorce anyway. He probably wouldn't help much with the children but you'd rid yourself of that self important twerp and he'd have to pay maintenance which you could put towards childcare.

Could you hire a mother's help or part time nanny from am agency for a few hours a day in the hols to keep them occupied and attended to at home? I know it shouldn't be just your responsibility to sort but your H clearly isn't going to bother doing anything about it. There would be a cost but you'd be paying one person versus 3 x holiday club fees.

Quite honestly I’d be having a serious look at my marriage.

So what happened in previous holiday periods?

I wouldn't be impressed if I was your employer or his. People have made suggestions and you have said they aren't an option. I understand its hard but you either carry on as you are or do something about it.

Not everywhere they don’t and not all that do exist are suitable.

I live in a city and my DS has been to all of the ones on offer (5 of them) but they’ve all said they can’t meet his needs. Now he’s on a waiting list for a more specialist provision but I’m told it could be 2-3 years before he gets a space.

I'm willing to pay any amount but it simply doesn’t exist.

So DH and I are taking the hit with unpaid leave. Which is crap and also impacts on our employers and colleagues.

I would make him leave over this.

Divorce, divorce, divorce!

I'm beginning to think the same.

Hit the nail on the head 100%

Ok ... one more possibility- presumably the children have SEN support at school. Have you asked on your local FB page if any teaching assistants would be willing to look after them in the holidays. I've seen similar posts in this area and you'd have people who were DBS cleared and have experience.
Have you tried that?
Once that's sorted, you'd have headspace to deal with your husband's opting out of any responsibility for his own children.

Well of course, not all will be suitable but they do exist. It was a response to the OPs blanket statement that they can’t go to holiday clubs.

I know plenty of kids that with SEN that go to holiday clubs. A lot of holiday clubs are very accommodating.

It’s doing some legwork to find something that works, not just trying one and then they couldn’t cope. My son has SEN - he’d not cope at an indoor club, or an arts and crafts type one but get him outside and he’s flying.

I’m sure you’re very aware as a SEN parent that a) not all children with SEND are the same, levels of need and struggles vary enormously and b) that level of provision also varies enormously.

Saying “just try harder” to parents taking huge financial hits due to this is clearly daft. If there was a solution they would find it.

For those at the back … there is NO, absolutely no, solution for my child except a SEN specialist nanny with extra danger money. Many others will have similar challenges due to either their child’s particular needs or the kind of provision available.

You're so passive it's no wonder he takes the piss. What was the point in posting? This is your life now, because you're not prepared to do anything about it.