DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

Possibly. Will depend on their specific needs, if they can find someone willing to watch 3 SEND children during school holidays only, if they can tolerate having a stranger in the house and how much it would cost though I'm assuming the latter is the lesser issue considering they are both in senior roles.

Op is struggling so unpaid leave would take the pressure off her for this week. her husband is obviously useless and if he is aware Op salary is going to go down then he might get his arse into gear for next time.

He’s doing the right thing as far as his work is concerned. While he is being paid by his employer, he should be working, not looking after the kids

I'm struggling to understand why your with this man?

She has already said that she does use annual leave but her DH refuses to do so, and she doesn't have enough to cover all 13 weeks of school holidays.

He would be doing the right thing IF his children were safe and looked after, as it goes though he's washing his hands of his childcare responsibilities and his job won't be much use to him if his child is injured and he's arrested for neglect. He can't expect his full time working wife to provide childcare while she's working either.

Not if they’re likely to be violent to the other adult, or run away from the house because they’re there.

You both have to share taking AL and childcare responsibilities. Or take unpaid carers leave.

You have my sympathies as DS can’t attend holiday clubs either but I’d never try to work with him at home either.

Having been there where DD was refused access to holiday club I can totally sympathise! Are you both able to do flexible hours? So you take it in turns to work and turns to look after the children? How old are they? You both need to fit 8 hours into a 15 hour day so if your hours can both be worked at any time it’s just about doable.

And how long would the family finances last if you lost your job because of underperformance?

Go into the office and leave him at home

I can definitely imagine that scenario however it still seems the best way to work towards a possible solution

Anyone else find it frustrating when there's never an update from the OP? It happens quite a lot on Mumsnet and I for one feel like I never get closure, you're just left hanging 😆

So, your husband is abusive? As that’s what leaving three young children alone downstairs, without food or supervision all day, amounts to. You think your husband would abuse and neglect your children?

You’re posting on here, with lots of exclamation marks, and saying he’s ’refusing to help’. It’s not help. It’s his job as a parent to come up with some solution to this childcare issue. Stop wittering on about how ‘he just won’t’. You are accepting bullshit behaviour.

I generally assume the OP got bored and turned day time TV back on

So what does he use his annual leave for?

How much parenting does he actually do?

But again, how can she force him to do that? If he refuses that’s that. The only option is divorce and that doesn’t actually address the problem, just means she doesn’t have to live with him anymore

You do love your exclamation marks (!)
It doesn't always warrant one to get a point across.

SEN holiday clubs exist.

And still not all kids can attend

I had a conversation with DH earlier and suggested he take some unpaid leave for the rest of the week and he’s refused but he hasn’t suggested any other solution other than I look after them whilst working like I already am

Why is the decision what to do solely up to your DH? If he isn't going to take unpaid leave, what's stopping you from doing it?

And they don't exist everywhere. We don't have any holiday clubs near here, never mind SEN ones

What an enlightening update. Answering the dozens of questions so clearly

Yep.

In my area, there is one place but it's more for respite than childcare for working and is evenings only once a week for a few hours during school holidays.

It's also 8+ only so no good for younger SEND children either.