DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

The solution is simple - tell him if he won’t help then he’ll have to do do/arrange 50% of the childcare when you get a divorce.

But the truth is, he won’t will he? Not that I think OP should stay with this wankbadger.

Relationship counselling your next step then? Because this is doomed. For me tbh it would be divorce.

@Beckyboo8 how did you end up with 3 children & not have thought this through? Surely when you decide to have children you factor in things like how much space you have, nursery costs, who will look after them after school & during holidays. Did you have no inkling they might all end up SEN because that is an added complication & ordinarily one parent would work less hours to be around to support the children.

Has you line manager not noticed you are unavailable in school hols?

You have suggested your H takes unpaid leave and he has refused. Have you suggested to him that then you are going to have to take unpaid leave, because it really isn't fair on your employer. Even if you manage to sit them down to watch some TV you are not going to be 100% focused on your job.

Perhaps if your H sees a reduction in the money going into the pot he may start to think differently

Also what is going to happen if the company you work for finds out you are not doing your job and they sack you. Will you be able to take the financial hit as a family? Will your H be able to pay for everything on his salary. Because this is the reality.

You are doing the best in really hard circumstances, but your H has got to face reality, he can't hide away in his office all the time.

You're the higher earner. What does this horrible man bring to the table? You'd have one less child to look after if you split.....

You don't want solutions you just want to complain

@Beckyboo8 I think everyone agrees that both you and DH need to sort childcare. Everyone agrees that DH is an arse. The question is, what are you going to do about it? He's clearly not going to change.

OP, do you recognise that you have an appallingly bad marriage? If so, why are you still in it?

This @Beckyboo8 when you pick up the slack because you think he won’t, you enable him to carry on. Spell it out “can you pay the bills and work longer hours WHEN they sack me because you won’t pull your weight”

You can’t look after kids whilst working sen or no sen. One of you should have booked it off

In that case seeing as he won’t help which is completely unfair, tell him you want a divorce and he can have the children 50% of every school holiday

Go into the office then, and leave it as his problem.

Can you afford to lose your job?

This is spot on ! He is treating you as the primary carer and your job as optional.

You are not answering questions or thinking about solutions. I’m not sure you are genuine or a wind up.

Is he a useless husband overall? Why are you even with him?

Like others have said, what does he bring to the table? Sounds like you would be better off without the useless tosspot tbh. Maybe this is one of those occasions where you should issue an ultimatum? Doesn't sound like you've much to lose as at this rate, you're going to end up unemployed.

So he is just a total cunt then.

I dont know how you manage to stay married to a man who doesn't see you as a team

This is your punishment for out-earning him.

I'm guessing he's shit at every aspect of marriage and family life.

What a horrible marriage, no partnership at all.

I do think you should consider divorce, but be prepared for him not to have the children at all, some fathers simply opt out altogether, and he's already showing he's likely to. There's nothing to force fathers to be fathers, so don't assume he'll be having them 50% of the time like some people are telling you.

Hard to believe you are in a senior position when you can’t even organise childcare for your children!

My daughter has two SEN kids and had to give up work as they are not in school. I am amazed you are able to work and look after them especially in a responsible job. If your husband will not step up and share the childcare duties and is happy to leave everything to you I would be considering employing a nanny. I would say give up work but to your husband sounds like a liability so I would not want to be financially dependent on him. You cannot make him take time off so how about you work in the evenings if you can and make him look after the children?

Assuming this is true - I have some doubts as most people I know who are in genuine senior management roles have strong executive planning and strategic thinking and would not have allowed this situation to arise. I'm also intrigued what the after school situation is as no SM role can be done in the 6 hours of a school day. Anyway if this is true, you need to inform this waste of space husband that you will be ending the marriage and he will be responsible for looking after his kids for half the holidays under court order.

I assume that the SEN diagnosis came after OP already had more than one child.

Could you answer the question that lots of posters have asked? You have said that he won't take annual leave during the school holidays and that you use all your leave for this but you don't have enough to cover all the holidays. When does your DH take his annual leave and what does he do when he is off?

He sounds like an utterly dreadful parent. What would happen if you, as the higher earner, lose your job because you are juggling work and childcare during the school holidays? You have a very senior and well paid role but you sound so passive where your DH is concerned. You need to find your anger about his horrible behaviour.

The poster doesn't mention the SEN diagnoses- they have simply pointed out three children, not three SEN children. Three children with no forward planning for childcare.