DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

It's not in the bud though, is it? They've managed to get by with him ignoring the childcare issue and the OP somehow managing to WFH at a senior management level with three children, who require care that other care settings are unable to provide.
Something has to give, as currently neither the paid job or caring for the children can have been done properly since they were at school.
Someone mentioned up thread that this Seems like a wind up. I am beginning to think it is.

@knitterlybliss I agree. It does not make sense. OP states no childcare provider could meet her kids needs. Yet she WFH with 3 kids? Its not possible. All of which have SEN.

make the same arrangements as you would if you both had to go into the office every day for work. or you take some leave and he takes some leave to cover the holidays!.

This!
And I'm definitely doubting that OP is working at a ''senior management level'' given her responses and haphazard childcare arrangement, or lack of.

Exactly

You should have made life easier for yourselves by using annual leave for this week.

Surely those ‘roped in’ parents and siblings, will rightly ask what the OP’s husband is doing?
I wouldn’t be looking after my brother’s kids when he’s just too fucking lazy to do it.

Let’s face it though - there are some really shit ‘senior managers’ and some really shit employees who use ‘WFH’ as an opportunity to avoid paying for (specialist) childcare

Agree. My DH & I are both wfh today. I’m starting late and I have paid childcare arriving for the period we are both working.

I only wfh and look after the children if completely unavoidable (illness etc).

I’m very empathetic about the lack of SEN provision as we’re on the same boat. There’s truly nothing available for DS despite extensive searching and despite being very willing to pay.

DH and I both wfh in senior management too.

We occasionally manage to get a PA for DS for a day while we’re both wfh. But other than that we have no choice but to take turns. DH earns £20k more than me so he could argue his job is “more important” but he doesn’t as he’s not a prick!

We’ve split it 50/50 and used annual leave. We both take unpaid leave as needed. It’s only fair to split it. DH is covering today and I’m now on my lunch break and spending an hour with DS while DH has a break for a bit.

I don’t know how you can force DH to pull his weight but it is really the only option. I’d be so furious and disappointed if DH wouldn’t step up for his child.

DH didn’t manage to get annual leave for today and tomorrow because he said his manager apparently refused it. He has taken unpaid leave for today and tomorrow though but he’s spent all day so far moaning and sulking about it.

I’d completely ignore his moaning and sulking - what an idiot he is.

Absolutely - do not give any oxygen to his petulant behaviour.

Don't know how you put up with him being in the house, tell him to take his kids out and spend some quality time with them like anyone else would when they're off work.

Op is still completely ignoring any other questions being asked like how do you manage school every day childcare, all other holidays ect. Why havent you put a long term plan in palce ? Why wasnt Half term discussed and arranged before now ? Nope just a whinge and moan about husband not doing his bit at mo

Tomorrow can you work somewhere else for the day away from his moaning

You do realise he's trying to make sure you never ask him to do it again. Don't let him win

@Beckyboo8 he needs to get them out of the house so you can work. It sounds like he doesn’t want to look after them. I’m always amazed at people who end up with 3 or more when they don’t actually enjoy spending time with their children. I can understand 1 as you might not realise it’s as hard as everyone says. That said I always found looking after my own easier than being in work (secondary school).

Presumably because it’s “only a week” and they take annual leave in the summer which shortens the timeframe where this becomes an issue. I expect they both take leave at Xmas and Easter and half terms are just trying to work and provide childcare.

What a charming man baby he is.

Agreed 100% He was hoping you would do everything! Cheeky sod! He has to sit down with you and organise annual leave so you can both share the responsibility of caring for the children.

Poor children, having a moaning and sulking dad for the day.

OP - he is not going to change! The only thing you can change in this situation is you . . . You can either put up and shut up ( maybe come on here and winge about it) or you can leave him / threaten to leave him, you can sort out childcare or you can stop working.
You are the only person you can change

I've come to the conclusion this is bollocks after suspecting it was from the outset.

Wanted to try and help as a SEN parent who understands the pain of not having childcare options.

But this is bollocks. We don't even know the level of need of the kids or what the OP has tried with childcare. Just seems to be wanting a pile on from the ableists, the anti WFH crowd and the toxic feminists.

I'm wondering whether it's researching by someone writing about the conflict between managing childcare with full-time WFH. - at senior management level of course. Cynical me? Yep, just a tad.