Would you have another child with a man this age and with these risks?

[Kuui]

I have one dd age 5. I haven’t been with her father pretty much since she was born, though he’s involved in her life. Dare I say I have quite an easy life, financially and support wise but I have been lonely romantically and always wanted more than one child.

I didn’t really think the option would ever come up again as I’m now 39. But in February I met a lovely, kind and decent man who was 46 (47 in January). He would like a child but has been clear it’s entirely my decision and he wants to be with me whatever. He’s spent time with dd but I’ve been careful and slow with that and it’s been quite recent.

In my heart of hearts I would love another. Of course who knows if it would even happen. But I have concerns about our ages and about any impact on dd.

I feel so conflicted and know that if we do this it needs to be within the next year or so. Would you?

No I wouldn’t in your situation. You’ve only been dating about 6 months and you’ve no idea how your daughter would react to him being around more often never mind then adding a sibling as well. Time isn’t on your side with this one and I think with you already having a DD it needs time. Sorry, it’s probably not what you wanted to hear.

No, I wouldn't ever put children in a "blended" family situation.

Thanks for the replies xx

Way too soon. I have stuff in my fridge I’ve known longer than this man you’re considering giving unfettered access to your life home and daughter.

Has partner got any children? Do you know oh w what he’d be like as a dad?

Also, having a child is a big step. What would your living arrangements be? Where does he live now? Rents ? You’ve not even dated a year.

I don’t think his age is an issue, although it’s harder to conceive at 40. It’s more these other factors. Would you consider having a child with him in you were five or ten years younger?

Well I know it’s easy to say so soon into a relationship but it’s nothing like anything I’ve experienced before. I trust him as far as it is possible to trust someone.

@AutumnOakTree he doesn’t have children

No.
Unpopular opinion but he is too old for a start. By the time your dd gets to know him he will be close to 50.

Personally I wouldn't have a baby with someone until I'd lived with them for a couple of years at least. With you already having a DD you'll likely have to delay living together for a bit - you can't take the same risks jumping into things when you already have a child depending on you.

Based on this, he would be at least 50 by the time I even considered having a child and that's probably too old. He would most likely be 70 before DC was in a position to move home.

I'm sorry this probably isn't the answer you were hoping for. Whatever you decide, don't let your DP put any pressure on you to rush things. This is a huge deal and you've got to consider your existing DD and the potential future child as well.

I 100% would, once the relationship is established. I’m desperate for your opportunity for my sake and so my son can have a sibling

@Kaltenzahn thank you. He’s not pressuring me at all, it’s very much my decision. Thank you for your thoughts xx

I also know two friends who’ve had the baby and broken up, but have zero regrets

@Unexpectedlysinglemum yes I think dd would adore having a sibling. I do worry about being older though! My first pregnancy was a breeze and not sure i would be so lucky again

Met in February. It’s October. He’s already spending time with your very young child. Ffs.

He’s not too old to be a dad that’s a totally normal age in London

No. With an existing daughter, I'd say you'd need at least another year absolute minimum before you can know him well enough to let him live with her. Then you need at least another year (ideally longer) to know everyone can get along and your daughter is actually happy. So that's him at nearly 49 before you even start TTC, if you're rushing everything. If you did a more responsible timeline, he'd be 50+. That's too old, in my book.

I only have one child so I can't comment on blending families, but I was 45 when my ds was born, his dad was 56. I conceived without trying, had a problem free pregnancy and ds, now 18, has 9 gcses, 3 stem a'levels and is having a lovely time reading engineering, no issues at all.

In your situation OP, I would worry more about trying to blend a family around your dd. Her happiness should be your first priority.

Early 40s is average age for pregnancy in middle class London

This I’m afraid. it’s barely been any time.

There is no way I would ever bring a man into to my DCs life. Fair enough date and form a relationship but absolutely no to him meeting, spending time and eventually living with DC.

Our children deserve better.

Met in February. It’s October. He’s already spending time with your very young child. Ffs.
Agree with this.
Where's your head at OP?

Are you in a financial position to freeze your eggs?
I dont see an issue Id just wait a bit longer.

@sammylady37 what do you think is a better timeframe for that?

@notacooldad what do you think would be a good timeframe for that?

8 months, and she said she is being careful and slow with it. It isn’t that unusual is it? I thought a lot of people on here say six months is a good time to start introducing them (I do think talking about having a baby together is a bit quick though!).

@princecharlie i used to think this too so i get that perspective entirely.