Partner wants half for hotel ….

[luluxxx]

My partner said that it’s his friends birthday next month and he’s having a get together.
Now his friend lives in Manchester and we live in Edinburgh
He said he would book the hotel for us.
To then tell us we need to meet them at 1pm that day so we would need to go for 2 nights.
The night before is partners birthday.
So he said we can turn it into 2 nights.
I assumed he was paying for the 2 nights in hotel

Nope today I asked him and he said he assumed I would be paying for the 1st night as it was his birthday (bare in mind in September I paid £450 for flights to go to Spain for his birthday ) I mentioned this and he said “that wasn’t my birthday was it really ,just a trip”

Its caused a massive argument as he was just shouting saying I really expected him to pay for his birthday night hotel.
I have to buy his gifts (he has picked £100 trainers ) which is fine but he will want hoodie etc too
Then when we are there we are going for a meal (which I will have to Pay for as at his birthday)
Its also our first holiday payment this month

was I wrong to think he would pay ?
Also he gets a lot more wages than me ..probably around £740 a month more

There is a backstory here though or I'd mostly agree with you (agree to splitting costs but not if one person unilaterally decides an extra night, and not if they didn't contribute towards the last trip).

It sounds like his expectations are a bit out of control! If he doesn't think the Spain flights were for his birthday then I would ask him for his half of the flights as a starting point and then take the Manchester trip from there (if your still together). Out of interest what did he get you for your birthday?

Dump him and return all the presents you’ve bought him. He likes your money, not you.

Does he work or do you normally subsidise him?

TBH, I would split up over this regardless. What an utter sense of entitlement. So, so unattractive

Bow out of the trip to Manchester. Buy him the trainers for his birthday and no other gifts. Treat him to dinner one of the days he’s back after his Manchester trip. Also rethink your relationship with him. You’ve already paid a few hundred pounds for his flights to Spain, potentially £100 on trainers and he also expects a hoodie, for you to pay a night in a hotel for him, plus dinner and no doubt he’ll expect drinks all night courtesy of you. Does he spend that much on you ?? He’s taking you for a mug.

What do you get out of this relationship? Dump this angry man and then you don't have any worries about the trip.

Jesus what have I just read? Im the higher earner in our set up. I do lavish him with stuff, cos I want to. He would NEVER expect it. The moment I even got a whiff of that it would be done, and I would become the tightest person ever. Im only generous with people who dont expect it. Thats everyone - not just a partner. Its so gross OP.

I don't say this lightly - Im normally an annoying, 'lets look behind the behaviour' type, but I actually would LTB for this. And I would get all my money back for any gifts or hotels etc Id already paid for. Horrid man.

Don’t be a mug OP

LTB.
I once broke up with a guy I had been seeing for a couple of months after he went on and on about us staying in a hotel in our local city after a gig we were going to. We didn’t even need to stay over as we could’ve got public transport home easily but he insisted and finally booked something after complaining how expensive city centre hotels are. We stayed over. The next day as I was on the train home he asked me when I was sending him my half. I didn’t see him again and I didn’t pay either. I can’t put up with such tightness.

For a joint trip planned together, yes.

But he invited her to his friend’s birthday, he needs to book a hotel anyway.

It’s extraordinarily petty to charge your girlfriend for half when she has stumped up £450 for his birthday holiday.

You’re in the wrong bit of Mumsnet OP, there’s a very popular thread at the moment about what’s the worst/ickiest thing a man has done this post belongs in there.

This is not a man who will look after you postpartum or if you get ill in older age

He's clearly trying to extract as much as possible from you for his birthday.

You are spectacularly naive if you think he is a decent man or that he cares for you.

He is not a long term bet.

For my husband I bought a rugby shirt for his birthday and we were both extremely well paid.
Not a chance I would tolerate a man extracting huge gifts from me, or even hinting at it.
Self respect being obviously the barrier.

I was on serious money.
I wouldn't be so silly, even nearly 35 years ago not to know that is NOT normal.

He's a grifter and you are his mark.
He earns more than you and is trying to screw you.

And you are falling for it.
Only desperate woman fall for this.

The trainers ONLY as a gift would be more than enough.
Now a holiday and a weekend away.🙄

Ffs, you couldn't make it up.
Wake up OP.

Yoo cannot seriously believe you are not being used here??????

Cancel everything and return the trainers.

What happens when you have children? Will he expect you to everything for them. I would be thinking very carefully about this relationship.

OP stop being a mug and ditch this loser!

Get rid. I couldn’t even get turned on by a man like this. 🤢

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I certainly wouldn't be paying out any more money for this tight arsed twat.

Just dump him. You can do so much better.

This!

“I have to buy his gifts (he has picked £100 trainers ) which is fine but he will want hoodie etc too” is he a teenager? He sounds very selfish.

Another woman so desperate to be in a relationship, she will tolerate anything.
Do not hand over a penny for that hotel. Better yet, dump him.
He's gotten very entitled to your money hasn't he?

He's tight? Surely you expected to pay your share? Shame on you that he had to ask, you should have offered. Seems like you're the tight one here...

I really don't understand people who expect freebies at some else's expense. Unless someone has expressly offered to pay for you (e.g as a birthday present) you stay in a hotel, you pay your share of the hotel room.

She didn’t even want to stay in the hotel! He’s the one who insisted!

Why is it shameful for her to not pay for something she didn’t want to do?

When he invited her to the concert he didn’t say it was on the condition of them staying in a hotel and paying half. OP wanted to get the train home.

Is that what you would do? Invite someone some where and days or weeks later ask them for half?

Agreed.
And then they are surprised when they end up with the mean, nasty, greedy, abusive duds of men.🤷🏻‍♀️

Open your eyes and stop letting this man bleed you dry!