Partner wants half for hotel ….

[luluxxx]

My partner said that it’s his friends birthday next month and he’s having a get together.
Now his friend lives in Manchester and we live in Edinburgh
He said he would book the hotel for us.
To then tell us we need to meet them at 1pm that day so we would need to go for 2 nights.
The night before is partners birthday.
So he said we can turn it into 2 nights.
I assumed he was paying for the 2 nights in hotel

Nope today I asked him and he said he assumed I would be paying for the 1st night as it was his birthday (bare in mind in September I paid £450 for flights to go to Spain for his birthday ) I mentioned this and he said “that wasn’t my birthday was it really ,just a trip”

Its caused a massive argument as he was just shouting saying I really expected him to pay for his birthday night hotel.
I have to buy his gifts (he has picked £100 trainers ) which is fine but he will want hoodie etc too
Then when we are there we are going for a meal (which I will have to Pay for as at his birthday)
Its also our first holiday payment this month

was I wrong to think he would pay ?
Also he gets a lot more wages than me ..probably around £740 a month more

This trip to Manchester was never for his birthday ,this was a trip to meet friend
It just so happened the night before was his birthday

YANBU. He sounds tight and selfish.

Greedy git!

Why are you still with this absolute loser??

This doesn’t bode well for a happy financial future. Sounds like he’s sponging off you but earns more. Not good at all.

What on earth do you see in this guy? He sounds tight and mean.

Tell him he's going on his own now so he'll have to pay for everything!

Tell him he can have the night in the hotel or his expensive trainers/hoodie but not both because you earn nearly a grand less than him a month and can't afford it.

He sounds horrible tbh

Hang on - he was shouting at you and expects expensive gifts? Very worrying. Do you think it's normal for people to shout at each other in a relationship? Does he treat you sometimes? How do you feel about the relationship overall? How does it compare to your past relationships?

He sounds delightful, I'd consider binning him. It's not a good quality is it?

Tell him to go himself.

Well if he now says the flights weren't for his birthday but just a trip, he should owe you half of that.
He sounds tight fisted and selfish - just cut your losses and dump him.

Please share how much he’s spent on you for your birthday?
Also do a quick add up of the big sums you’ve both spent in say the past year - I bet you spend waaaay more?!

Nah. LTB.

LTB

What a horrible person.
Mean and nasty.
This is a weekdnd for his friend.
He should pay.

Why are you wasting you life with this mean loser.
I hope you aren't living with him.
Get out of it asap.

He is showing you who he is.
A mean nasty man.

Mean men always screw women for their birthday.
Cancel the holiday.
Tell him to go to manchester on your own.

So many threads on MN over the years of mean men fleecing naive women for their birthdays.

He's an arsehole using you.
Wake up.

He sounds tight as arseholes.

Unless you're one of these couples who won't 'allow' the other to go on any overnight trips alone and he has to take you to keep the peace?

If that's not the case and he really wants you to attend his friend's birthday, he should pay.

Pay for the hotel but then that's it. No trainers. No hoodie. Just a birthday card.

Personally I would be passing on the weekend in Manchester and having a quiet weekend at home.

Sorry but I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that. He sounds like a spoilt pampered princess.

Dump him, he can go to Manchester on his own and pay for everything, plus you don’t have to buy him any birthday presents!

Say you’re happy to pay for 1 night in the hotel but you’d like half the money back for his ‘not birthday’ trip. Honestly Op, this would be a total turn off and doesn’t bode well for the future. I’d probably ditch and move on.

Have you posted about this partner before?! If you’re the person I’m thinking of then he sounds an absolute wanker and I can’t understand why you’re still with him.

I don't remember much about the partner, but I think this is the OP who has separation anxiety, and said she kept crying and thinking she couldn't get through two days without him when he went on a two day work trip.

This was 15 minutes after he'd left.

That's what makes me wonder if he has to take her, in order to be 'allowed' to go.

Hi @luluxxx
There's a lot to unpick here...

If the Spain trip was "just a trip", then he owes you £250 for his flight.

If this upcoming trip is mainly for him and a friend to get together, presumably that's his choice, so he pays.

He could also agree a different, later, time to meet his friend, so you only have to stay 1 night.

He could also go on his own...

He does sound financially abusive as well as demanding, controlling, and manipulative. Why do you allow this?
Has he got any good qualities?
What are you getting out of this relationship? Eg nurturing, support, companionship...

Edit to add:

YOU get to choose how much you spend on his birthday, HE doesn't get to dictate it to you. If you can 'only' afford trainers as a gift plus dinner out, that's what he gets. And that's a perfectly lovely birthday celebration btw.
What does he do for you on your birthday?

@MrsPinkSkyhe isn’t “taking” me anywhere ..it’s all friends and partners ,it’s not a lads night out

He shouldn't be dictating what you give/buy him for his birthday. He can tell you what he's like, but it's completely up to you, and he should be making no assumptions. If you want to leave it as the Spain trip being his present and maybe a token gift on the day, that's perfectly OK assuming it's reasonably in balance compared to what he would do for you on your birthday

RE the Manchester get-together - would you even be going to Manchester if it were not for his friend's party? If your partner went alone, would he be sharing a room with another friend and splitting the cost 50/50? If so, it might be reasonable for him to ask you to pay half of the hotel cost (both nights), assuming you WANT to go on the trip and were part of the planning and aren't basically going along to keep him company. If he'd be alone in the room if you didn't go then he'd be paying almost as much for the room anyway.

Why is he shouting? I would wait until he can be civil before discussing this any further.