Partner wants half for hotel ….

[luluxxx]

My partner said that it’s his friends birthday next month and he’s having a get together.
Now his friend lives in Manchester and we live in Edinburgh
He said he would book the hotel for us.
To then tell us we need to meet them at 1pm that day so we would need to go for 2 nights.
The night before is partners birthday.
So he said we can turn it into 2 nights.
I assumed he was paying for the 2 nights in hotel

Nope today I asked him and he said he assumed I would be paying for the 1st night as it was his birthday (bare in mind in September I paid £450 for flights to go to Spain for his birthday ) I mentioned this and he said “that wasn’t my birthday was it really ,just a trip”

Its caused a massive argument as he was just shouting saying I really expected him to pay for his birthday night hotel.
I have to buy his gifts (he has picked £100 trainers ) which is fine but he will want hoodie etc too
Then when we are there we are going for a meal (which I will have to Pay for as at his birthday)
Its also our first holiday payment this month

was I wrong to think he would pay ?
Also he gets a lot more wages than me ..probably around £740 a month more

Why didn’t he pay for Spain then if it was ‘just a trip’?

Why would he be expecting hoodie etc for his birthday when you’ve already bought him trainers!?

What did he get you for your birthday?

Fair enough if he's allowed to go to his friend's birthday alone but wants you to be there.

In that case, he should pay.

Not normal, no. I would reconsider this relationship.

Why are you putting up with this? You know he's being a dick. Throw him back, there's men out there that are nice. He's entitled and ungrateful. Ask him for his share of the Spain trip given it wasn't anything to do with his birthday.

But you “took” him to Spain just because you’re nice, rather than as part of his birthday celebration - according to him.

He “expects” expensive presents AND a meal AND a night in a hotel AND a holiday abroad for his birthday.

What do you “expect” for your birthday and what does he actually give you? Does he also take you abroad for “just a trip” periodically?

He is entitled, greedy, and tightfisted- a toxic combination. And he shouts at you.

I’d be asking myself why I stay with this man.

Thank God he’s only a partner! You know better so why are you asking us?
Go with your gut.

How grabby. What a turn off.

How old are you? How long have you been together? Do you live together/ share any income?

Sounds to me like you both assume rather than discussing.

I have to buy his gifts (he has picked £100 trainers ) which is fine but he will want hoodie etc too

Eurgh - is he 15?

Oh if it was just a trip then he can pay back his share then! Cheeky fucker. It's his mate you're going to see, the added birthday element doesn't automatically mean you pay for it. You choose what you gift for peoples birthdays, they dont demand payment.

If Spain was ‘just a trip’ why didn’t he pay half ? He sounds tight and selfish.

Was the trip to Spain actually for his birthday?
Did you pay for all of it?
Or was it just a trip for you both?

How long have you been together?

I find it quite odd that you’re going with him to his mates birthday (and now you’re paying).

Why not tell him to go see his mate on his own and you can do something different with him before he goes/when he’s back.

I'd tell him to shove the whole trip up his arse, and you don't want a relationship with such a tight fisted penny pinching money grabber.

You would be a mug to continue with that bloke.
He's not a team player. He's on the take to see what he can get from you and is always going to try and take more. Certainly not someone who would ever make you feel cared for or treat you.

This.
it doesn’t sound much of a partnership.

I think it’s clear you’re dating a teenager given his behaviours and the fact he wants trainers and a hoodie for his birthday.

Assuming you’re not a teenager, perhaps time to move on.

Just say you can’t afford it.

I personally wouldn’t want to go to his friends birthday but if you do, say you’re happy to go halves but can’t afford to pay the entire thing.

Then just buy him trainers and a couple cheap presents (he does not need a hoody to go with it).

If the Spain trip wasn’t for his bday and he paid for the accommodation etc - then it wasn’t a birthday present and you can’t bring that up but you can say that you can’t afford to be splurging on him.

I would really love to know how long you’ve been together, whether you live together and how much he spends on you for your birthdays.

How awful. Bickering and shouting about money. He's a tight git.

Tell him you are only going because he invited you. He's welcome to go to his friends do alone. He sounds hugely entitled as well. Like a spoilt child.

I'd say it was time to dump this cf.

Whenever you are totting things up and thinking about relative earnings under a cloud of resentment it's not a good sign

Dump him. He's selfish, entitled and tight.

He can go to Manchester on his own, as a single man and with no birthday presents.

This
tell him you have plans that weekend and you hope he has a nice time
but seriously- I wouldn’t put up with this!

Yes, he can't have it both ways.

Not sure what relevance him earning more has, you're not in the joint enterprise of having children or even married so nobody should be subbing anyone in this scenario.

Good lord he sounds like he’s a spoilt child. Never in my entire relationship (1.5 years dating and 15 years married) has either of us demanded the other pay for stuff for birthdays or anything. He is having a laugh. Spain was ‘just a trip’? Then presumably he has paid his share for that? He wants £100 trainers AND a hoodie? No thought at all to what you can afford or the essence of what a gift is supposed to be about. He is an adult not a child writing his list for Santa or a teenager stamping their foot when they don’t get what they want. The fact that he:

(a) has clearly not contributed to the holiday
(b) has created a story that this trip is for his birthday with its for his friend
(c) reacted to a discussion about money by shouting about your not paying for his birthday night
(d) has picked out £100 trainers no less for his gift
(e) expects a hoodie too
(f) has complete disregard for your income level

These are not the actions of someone who is a fully formed adult. This is not someone who is showing you care and respect. I suspect this bleeds into other areas of your life together. Please reflect because you deserve more than this loser.

I wouldn’t be going on the Manchester trip now

if I got a trip to Spain for my birthday I’d expect that to be my present and I wouldn’t want anything else

He sounds horrible