Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

The dinner was ready btw, he was plating it up

Dump him. He called you a cunt when he’s the only fucker in this scenario. Yuck.

I mean you don’t eat or bacon or cheese and didn’t want to eat at that time either so … not sure what he’s done wrong here !

I’m also unsure what you wanted from him.

you don’t like carbonara and it was too early for you to eat but you were annoyed he didn’t make you a plate?

ETA his language to you was not ok

The first time anyone called me a selfish cunt would also be the last time. What is your living situation?

I think it’s just that on Saturday night we have a dinner together with wine when DSD is asleep. He never eats at 5, and we usually cook together like a date night because we can’t get out of a weekend

It was rude of him to decide to cook just for the 2 of them without discussing it with you first and completely unacceptable for him to swear at you like that.

Yes you were being unreasonable. You don't like the food and you weren't even there when he started cooking. Should DP and DSD never have a meal that you don't like?

So after bending over backwards to give them space all weekend he insults you like this? Completely unreasonable to treat you like that. It’s not so much about the dinner as his reaction.

I don't really see the point in any of the backstory.
You don't eat at that time and don't eat those foods so why would he cook something for you?

Why didn’t you do something else today instead of trapping around after them?
You could have had a nice lunch and gone home for a movie and bath.
Think YABU for making an awkward situation worse.

I'm confused.
Are you annoyed that he decided to eat the same food as her and with her instead of a different meal with you as you normally eat later?
Can't you eat by yourself just for once?
Sounds like he'd be cooking twice anyway.
Maybe he just fancied carbonara for once.

Maybe she wanted to eat with him/he fancied the meal.
The swearing is wrong

You don’t like what he’s making and it’s too early for you which is fair enough, but dump him anyway for calling you a cunt.

I think then yes he should
probably have given you the heads up - hey I’m making dinner for dsd and going to eat with her tonight - tbh though I don’t feel it’s super nice you don’t normally eat with her and just watch her. It seem you’re more annoyed about getting your “date night dinner “ experience with your hubby because he ate with his daughter instead and he put her first instead of you

Why don’t you eat with DSD? Must feel a bit awkward for her eating alone. Maybe she just didn’t want to eat by herself.

It’s the fact I didn’t know they were eating, expecting a meal together later on, and walked in after I’ve been cleaning up to see he’d prepared a dinner and didn’t consider me. Maybe I am being selfish!

If he had called me a seflish cunt, it would be over.

He shouldn't have called you a cunt, obviously.

But what on earth was this weirdness from you?

"so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.
DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all."

What were you playing at if you didn't want to eat anyway?? 😳

Seriously?

If he had said that dd wanted to eat carbonara, that he fancied some too and would the op mind if he ate early with the dsd and she got herself something different to eat later, that would have been a completely different situation.

In this case, the op only found out that the adults weren't eating together later as usual when she saw that he was dishing up something she doesn't eat. That was rude in itself. His abusive reaction made it worse.

That’s awful - and you’re not a child so don’t have to eat at 5- the words and the actions are incredibly hurtful

You didn't want any food but still seemed a bit put out that they were eating?

The way you describe the time they spend together and how you're sort of a third wheel, on your own. It makes me think you do feel a little jealous of their closeness.

But no way should he have called you a selfish cunt. Or any other insult.

Could you not have just gone and done something fun by yourself or hung out with a mate while they were shopping or doing sleepovers?

Its the not letting you know. If you are all in the same house and decide to cook dinner, whatever and whenever it is, you'd ask everyone if they wanted any or let you know he was eating earlier with dsd so you could plan for yourself

If your first instinct was snark, then I'm assuming you generally feel as though there are issues in the way he prioritised you when his daughter it around.

It's interesting that you mention that he is his daughter's favourite 'at the moment' and list all the time you spent on your own while they shopped and hung out together - it sounds as though you would like him to focus more on you?