Most stupid ways you’ve injured yourself?

[CoolPlayer]

So I had toothache in one tooth. Thinking it was grinding I got a home tooth guard. Completly messed up the moulding process somehow but continued to push it up in to my teeth an bite down thinking it would work. Didn’t work for did process again.. same thing. Basically bit down into hard plastic! Now I’ve hurt my front teeth along with others hope they are just bruised but at this point I think it may be worse a need to see a dentist! Oh and the other tooth still hurts! Don’t know why I continued to do that or what the hell I was thinking but yes so so so stupid! The please tell me the most stupid things you’ve done to make me feel slightly better?

How did you manage that?

Sitting on the sofa - coughed very hard at the same time as I had a muscle spasm in my ribs - broke two ribs. Confirmed with xray (normally they wouldn't but I have other issues so they wanted to be sure it wasn't anything else and wasn't liable to puncture a lung). General concensus is the muscle spasm was yanking things one way, the cough yanked things the other way and the ribs didn't like the opposing forces.

Did it again 4 weeks later and rebroke them, which was even more painful and the paramedic that came out most unsympathetic tbh (amusingly and kindly so).

Lopped the tip of my finger off 3 seconds after opening the packaging for a paper cutter and saying 'oh boy that looks lethal I bet I will.......... OH NO BLOOD EVERYWHERE...'

Pulled my neck leaning in for a photo on a night out 🙄

Out for a walk with Beavers (6 - 8 year olds) and warned them not to step on a low tree trunk as they might slip so guess what I did I stood on the tree trunk, slipped and broke my ankle in 3 places. I had to have an operation to pin the ankle and was on crutches for 8 weeks.

Broke my big toe when moving house, arms full so had the bright idea to ‘kick’ the back gate open. It wasn’t just pulled to, the damn thing was bolted shut. Also rebroke the same toe a couple of years later when a dodgy stacked tin of soup dived out the cupboard and hit the exact same fracture point

Tried to stay fit during Covid. Attempted a jumping jack in my living room watching an online hiit video. Fell over, landed awkwardly and tore a tendon in my ankle. Felt very stupid and sore😂

I did something similar. Stood up from my friends sofa, didn’t realise my leg was numb and rolled my ankle. I was in a boot for 3 weeks 🤣

Sprained my knee tripping over the surgical boot I had just removed from my broken ankle - same leg!

I fell off an inflatable banana being towed by a speedboat and broke a leg as I hit the water.... Another fruit related accident 😆🚤

I was lifting a heavy barbell in the gym. I put the barbell on a bench to change the weights. I unclipped the side furthest away from me and pushed the weights off, which then made the barbell swing up towards me at an alarming speed and whack me on the face! I think I broke my nose and split the skin. I had two black eyes for about a week! Rookie error!

I now feel completely vindicated in getting rid of two pairs of wide-legged jeans, because the first time I wore one of them I nearly ended up going headfirst down the stairs and breaking my neck. I saw it a sign and never wore them again!

My best pratfall is probably being pissed and falling down the stairs, breaking a rib in my back.

On another occasion I broken one of my front ribs when having a coughing fit (I had a nasty respiratory virus at the time).

Many years ago i broke my big toe when i dropped a frozen chicken on my foot getting it out of the freezer.

Slammed a car boot down on my head and got a bad concussion!

Got tennis elbow from painting a wall - was off work for 4 months.

Tore my big toenail off taking my trainer off with my foot.

I slammed the car door into my forehead closing it. Still got a scar!

Tripped over my suitcase on an uneven pavement and managed to smash my nose up on the handle - luckily not broken but enormous graze that bled down the middle -

Not the best day to be channelling your inner Eddie Kidd, then. 😅

Oh me that's proper wince reaction just reading that along with pp.
My own was slashed thumb on a a corned beef tin.

I still have a scar on my finger from cutting it on lid of a baked bean tin when i waa about 3 im 53 in a few weeks.

While these are making me wince, I'm glad I'm not the only clumsy bugger.

I once trapped my left boob in the car door. I'd got out of the car and reached back in to get my bag off the passenger seat then slammed the door before my boob was clear. Bruise lasted for weeks.

Good practice for mammograms though!

Broke my foot, being drunk and trying to put my headphones on whilst cycling.
Fell out of my house, literally arse over tit down the steps. Like the house vomited me out.

Currently sporting a scalded scalp. Burnt it on my reading glasses.

Put glasses on dressing table while drying hair. Picked up and put hairdryer down several times in the process while still on.

It had superheated the glasses frame. Lucky for me I put them on my head and not my face!

Tripped over the cat and broke my shoulder.
Cut my thumb on a corned beef tin, proper thumb chunk hanging off.
Cut across the palm of my hand on a serving spoon.
Broke five bones in my back taking the bin out.

Oh I've fallen out of my car, and into it, absolutely no alcohol involved, I'm just a muppet.