Most stupid ways you’ve injured yourself?

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So I had toothache in one tooth. Thinking it was grinding I got a home tooth guard. Completly messed up the moulding process somehow but continued to push it up in to my teeth an bite down thinking it would work. Didn’t work for did process again.. same thing. Basically bit down into hard plastic! Now I’ve hurt my front teeth along with others hope they are just bruised but at this point I think it may be worse a need to see a dentist! Oh and the other tooth still hurts! Don’t know why I continued to do that or what the hell I was thinking but yes so so so stupid! The please tell me the most stupid things you’ve done to make me feel slightly better?

I shut my head in the car door, no idea how but it REALLY hurt!

DH snapped a tendon in his hand by scratching his arse at a funny angle.

I dislocated a rib and pulled a muscle in my chest trying to get out of the car without first unbuckling my seatbelt.

I once jumped off the high diving board at a swimming pool, and I was falling for longer than I’d expected, and I began to think there’d been some kind of mistake, like maybe I’d jumped off the edge of the planet or something and I would be falling forever. So I panicked and started wheeling my limbs like Wylie Coyote and smacked the surface of the water with one leg straight out in front of me. The whole leg was bruised black for weeks.

Another diving board one - I managed, while trying to do a backflip, to land face down right back on the diving board. No idea how I didn’t break my nose.

Fell right next to my favourite singer's tour bus 😢

When DD was small, we took her to a playground that had a very long slide. DD sailed down it and it looked so much fun I decided to have a go. However, despite being quite high and long, the slide obviously WAS designed for a child, and it narrowed a bit half way down. I got as far as the narrow part, then my hips wouldn’t go any further. Even through my jeans, my skin had grazed really badly on both hips and drawn blood.

DD is now mid thirties with children of her own, but I still remember how much that slide hurt!

Yesterday! Was kicking a ball playing with a small dog and give a mighty kick to a concrete step. Agony.
But I count myself lucky about the injury I did not sustain when a helpful neighbour handed his angle grinder over the fence so I could cut through my bike lock.
Had no idea how dangerous they are…

Nothing as extreme as most of these (I feel a bit sick just thinking of some of them!).

Something in a dream (I assume) woke me up suddenly and I sat bolt upright.... only I was lying on my side and the bed was against a wall which I smacked my face in to and gave myself an impressive fat lip.

Tore shoulder ligaments and dislocated the AC joint sitting on the sofa. All I did was breathe out and it self destructed.

Labral tear slipping on perfectly normal surface. One foot stayed, the other kept going.

Permanent cartilage and tendon damage to right ankle taking a step forwards and my ankle gave out, dropping my entire body weight onto said structures.

DD2 is waiting for reconconstructive surgery and synthetic tendon replacement to her knee. She first dislocated it turning her head towards me slightly when talking to me in the kitchen, but her upper body and thigh turned at the same time as leaving her kneecap behind with her shin and foot. Since that first time, it's never really stopped doing it.

Joys of connective tissue disease right there.

I used to sleep with my hands in a prayer motion against my left cheek as I slept on my side - until the night I jerked in my sleep and managed to dislocate my bottom jaw!

I was running back up an escalator that was going down in a train station because I forgot my hat on a train. Tripped and broke my hand. Also didn’t get it checked out for over a month and did lots of manual work using it, until I tried to pick something up and nearly fainted from the pain - finally made me realise it’s probably something more serious than a bruise…

…I did get my hat though!

Put all 4 fingers of my dominant hand through a gap in a faulty fire guard whilst my mum had gone less than 60 seconds to get my bottle. Hello 4 amputated fingertips. Still my dominant (left) hand.

I put my back seriously out drying my hair bent over and then flipping my head upright again.
Also tripped over the dog in front of a builders site and smashed my nose and my sunglasses into my face!

my son broke his collarbone attempting to prove he could fly off the top of a hill 🤣

When I was 16 I dislocated my knee on dance central using Xbox Kinect. It was a bit like just dance. Still remember it was lady gaga - poker face. Was at my nanas house and was mortified being stretchered out in an ambulance for a bloody dance game. Knee cap literally on the side of my knee, still to this day was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced

I practically lost my virginity again whilst cleaning myself after a quick wee on a train. The train jolted at the wrong moment! Absolute agony! Felt like a right prat trying to get back to my seat and sit down in so much pain!!

My other one was a broken tail bone, got rugby tackled whilst rollerblading.

Slammed car boot down but hadn’t realised how close I was standing f to it and it hit my chest - was very painful

Chilled a bottle of Prosecco for friend coming round, got out of fridge and dropped it on skate floor and a very large shard of glass sliced through my leg

Tripped over my hairdryer cord and hit my foot against bed frame and broke 2 toes

Broke a rib vacuuming.

Popped my sternum using a crimpet.

I'm accident prone...

I was working a night shift on a medical ward as a registered nurse and I can only put this down to sleep deprivation. I stuck my finger in a lamp socket and electrocuted myself. The patient just looked at me and said ‘why did you do that?’ I just said ‘I don’t know’!

Whilst absently minded eating a bowl of sweets I hadn't realised I hadn't picked up any and bit hard down on my fingers..left teeth marks for wee while.

In maths class at school (my worst subject) I was daydreaming and started boring a hole through my thumbnail with the sharp point of the compass set. Suddenly it went right through. The agony was unbelievable and I jumped up and screamed. To add insult to injury I was then sent out of the class for screaming.

More recently I was cooking for my (adult) son's birthday. I had had a glass of champagne but only one, honestly. I went to put something on the hob but it wasn't alight. I pondered momentarily if I had lit it and it had gone out or if I hadn't lit it at all, so I put my fingers on the metal briefly. OMG it was so hot. Not a bad injury but for 3 weeks after the "fingerprint" of the three middle fingers was completely smooth. I had to get IT to help me set a password for my work phone as the biometrics obviously didn't work. I did wonder if I'd erased the fingerprints permanently but they came back!

Snapped a tendon in my finger twice, 5 years apart, both times changing bed sheets.
Got poked in the eye with a sharp stick trimming my bush ( a buddlea)
Broke my toe showing off my gymnastics moves. In my defence I was 15 showing off to a group of guys. I was a pretty good gymnast, but landed funny and walked a mile or so home ‘no nothing hurts, honest’ 😭😭

I also had a wide lage trouser incident. Mysteriously got one leg tangled up in the wide leg: grabbed hold of the banister - massive rotator cuff injury; still slipped and broke my heel on the return at the bottom of the stairs! Not to mention the bruising my on my bum. I was a miserable patient.

Too many to mention but while 8 and a half months pregnant,I fell off a ladder (was decorating)

Broke my elbow,she of course decided to be 10 days past her due date and I'd just got the sling off when I gave birth

Carrying her upstairs in her car seat when she was a month old,I tripped and broke two ribs

I'm that clumsy,I've been pulled aside at work to check everything's OK at home...

Got up for a wee, Fell asleep on the toilet, 2am, got up off it, unaware my right leg had gone asleep, it twisted under me, knee out of joint, broken ankle and I still fall asleep on the loo. Oh and I am teetotal so no booze involved.

Spectacular bruise as I stopped the car boot from slamming too loudly with my shoulder.. the night before my wedding (when all wedding dresses were strapless, of course).

Also lost a fair chunk of hair when I fixed my sunglasses with super glue and was a little hasty popping them straight on top of my head..

1. Attempted a cartwheel at a friends 40th birthday party having had several glasses of wine. Put my back out to the extent I was off work for a week. Only accepted I really had done something bad to it when crossing the road in Central London, I froze, right in the middle of the road, unable to go forwards or backwards.

2. Tripped over the cat, going UP the stairs, smashed my head open and now have a lovely 2 inch scar on my forehead as a permanent reminder she’s a bloody menace.