Most stupid ways you’ve injured yourself?

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So I had toothache in one tooth. Thinking it was grinding I got a home tooth guard. Completly messed up the moulding process somehow but continued to push it up in to my teeth an bite down thinking it would work. Didn’t work for did process again.. same thing. Basically bit down into hard plastic! Now I’ve hurt my front teeth along with others hope they are just bruised but at this point I think it may be worse a need to see a dentist! Oh and the other tooth still hurts! Don’t know why I continued to do that or what the hell I was thinking but yes so so so stupid! The please tell me the most stupid things you’ve done to make me feel slightly better?

I was cycling and swerved to avoid a pothole … straight into the side of a fire engine … over the handlebars I went , the engine carried on , obviously going to something important , bike was wrecked so I was pushing it along when I heard footsteps running behind me , I tried to speed up ( have no clue why ) and then burst out crying when a fireman on foot had presumably had a call from the vehicle and had come to check up on me
I was mortified , scraped , bleeding , bike damaged , late for school pick up and running away from this kind polite helpful man who wanted nothing more than to help
Not my finest 🤭

Walking up the garden and tore my left calf muscle. Wasn’t carrying anything, wasn’t running, just walking up a small step and hit the deck in agony. In crutches for 2 weeks after and unable to take part in a 5k I’d talked several other people in to doing 😲

Ruptured my Achilles tendon skanking over enthusiastically at a party.

I really wish the laughing emoji was still a reaction!.... some of these are making me lol and cringe simultaneously!!!

Tripped up 3 steps on the way into the office and dislocated my shoulder. I didn't put my hands down because I was holding a tray of pastries and wanted to protect them. Croissants were perfectly fine; I still have pain in that shoulder 15 years later!

Oh, and once cut my hand badly on a frozen sausage. 😂

Edit: And once slipped in the bath, kicking a hole in it and colliding with the brick wall behind, breaking all of my toes.

Until I had a horse land on me and break my spine my most silly horse-related incident was when I was fooling around on a shetland and he tossed me over his shoulder and I broke a rib and my scapula.

About two years ago my hand slipped when I was shucking an oyster and the oyster shucker went right through the webbing of my left hand. I thought it was hilarious having a knife go right through my hand. The blood was quite spectacular when I pulled it out and I clearly did damage to my nerves because I can't open my hand properly.

And the day before my wedding one of my cats got spooked and scratched me all down my cheek. HUGE scratch you can see in all or photos!

I shut my own head in the car door once.

I’ve had quite a few accidents due to a dangerous hobby but the most ridiculous thing I did was right at the start of lockdown. I dropped 8 cans of Pepsi Max on my bare foot - it landed right on one toe with the corner. My husband laughed at first as I hopped around the room in too much pain to speak until he saw it. I was on blood thinners at the time to you can just imagine it. I refused to go to hospital (I’m vulnerable and it was when we were all terrified) my nurse mother in law came and did the best she could. It’s never been right since 😂

I once managed to give myself a really deep cut with my thumbnail to my other hand overbalancing when I got one toe caught putting on my pants. That was really stupid. I was much younger and nimbler at the time as well.

Fell out of bed and gave myself a black eye. TG for a certain make up camouflage foundation before the next Teams call

Ooof!
I tore my ACL and parcial MCL doing a Jastin Timberlake 'routine' in my mates kitchen 🤦‍♂️

I was feeding the horses one dark winters night when I stepped backwards into a manhole where the cover was missing. One leg in, one leg out- they had to lift me straight up to get me out. The bruising was something to behold but I was more upset about the spilt feed.
The manhole cover was replaced a couple of days later...

My pal did that on Day 2 of her long awaited cruise when she retired. Skidded a little bit on the wet floor, tripped over the sign and fell, breaking her arm.

My best one was that I slipped on a worm on the path to the park. Knackered my back and was prone to shouting "aaaaargh" when I moved too quickly, for weeks afterwards. Poor worm too, I hate killing/hurting wee creatures.

Oh, also dislocated my shoulder taking a jumper off.

Yawned and stretched in bed one morning so elaborately that, I pulled a muscle, so badly, in my leg I couldn't walk properly for a couple of days.
DH once broke his big toe by kicking the wall next to bed so hard (bed is in an alcove) because he was having a dream that he was playing against Rodney Marsh....
We're a danger to ourselves.

Running into the house to grab a jacket hit my hand off the doorframe broke 2 bones in my hand with 1 poking through the skin and dislocated my pinky
Shredded the tendons and ligaments in 1 foot/ankle by standing on a wooden jigsaw piece (the ones for toddlers with the little plastic handles)
And many many more yes im a cluts with spacial awareness issues

Severed the nerves in the top joint of a finger drunkenly opening ring pull can of fruit. I am still wary of those types of tin 20 years later. Give me a tin opener any day.

Thought it would be an excellent idea to do some manscaping. With a safety razor. While drunk.

The nurses in A&E were very kind.

Pulled my back drying my hair, pulled my back turning in the shower. Pulled my back aged 8 on a trampoline. I have a delicate back well a tight back!

nearly took my thumb off aged 16 opening a can of corned beef with the key. Quite a large flap of skin was nearly completely off. Parents were out but didn’t seem that interested when they got back. Odd.

Broke my little toe by wheeling an empty wheely bin over it. It was so painful I had to crawl back into the house 😳.

I broke my toe a couple of weekends ago after going for a wee in the night, completely missed my bed on the way back in the dark and fell onto the floor whacking my foot into the radiator on the way down

Showed my young son, how to open a can with a can opener safely and never to touch the top of the can. Cut my finger badly whilst demonstrating this.

I fractured my big toe dusting. Stood on a small step-stool to dust the ceiling light shade, stepped off, wobbled, stubbed my big toe on the ground, lost my balance entirely and all my weight went onto that foot, with the toe folded underneath it. It made the most horrible noise and hurt like hell. I then took two massive unbalanced steps forward and bent it back the other way. Sat with ice on it for ages but then had to hobble up two flights of stairs to wake my son for a medical appointment - got to the last-but-one step and stubbed that toe really hard. It was unbelievably painful and went the most spectacular colour. It was over two years ago and it still doesn't bend properly.

Another time, rushing to get out to catch a bus, I stepped too hard on the button to rewind the cable on the hoover. The plug flew at my face and hit me just below the nose. I didn't have time to think much of it - caught the bus with my DS, who was only a toddler at the time, went to see my dad, popped to the shop, stopped at the park on the way home, noticed lots of people giving me strange looks/smiles. I walked into the house, looked in the mirror, and I had a dark, almost black, perfectly rectangular bruise under my nose, the exact shape and size of a Hitler moustache 😂The damn thing took about a week to fade as well!

Beds can be dangerous. I gave myself a massive nose bleed turning over in my incredibly narrow university bed and whacking my nose on the wall. Amazing how we managed to fit 2 people in them on the odd occasion!

Aged about 7, I was helping my parents in the garden. I was digging with the big garden fork, and lifted it up as high as I could to thrust it into the ground as hard as I could - but managed to put it through my welly instead. Luckily the tines of the fork went between my toes rather than through my foot, so it was a graze, rather than a hole.

And on a seaside holiday, we were on a beach that was shelving rock, rather than sand. Dsis and I were sitting on the edge of one shelf of rock, letting the waves wash over us. I didn’t notice a much bigger wave coming, and it picked me up, grated my bottom along the sharp, sharp rock and dumped me down into the next shelf. Seawater and a very grazed bottom stings!

My index was hurting like hell for weeks, like the first joint was inflamed or dislocated. Couldn't understand why, didn't remember injuring it at any point.

Until I realised one day that this finger was regularly getting caught into the buoys of the lane dividers when I was doing backstroke 😅 Instead of stopping, I was pulling myself by the tip of the finger, putting all the weight on my first phalanx...