Most stupid ways you’ve injured yourself?

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So I had toothache in one tooth. Thinking it was grinding I got a home tooth guard. Completly messed up the moulding process somehow but continued to push it up in to my teeth an bite down thinking it would work. Didn’t work for did process again.. same thing. Basically bit down into hard plastic! Now I’ve hurt my front teeth along with others hope they are just bruised but at this point I think it may be worse a need to see a dentist! Oh and the other tooth still hurts! Don’t know why I continued to do that or what the hell I was thinking but yes so so so stupid! The please tell me the most stupid things you’ve done to make me feel slightly better?

Your parents were not very risk averse.

Blew my nose and gave myself a hernia.

Did a cartwheel in July at a festival and gave myself a grade 2 hamstring injury, the bruise that came out was pretty impressive and I still don't feel like I'm walking properly now-go me 🙄

Car door once flew back and hit my dm in the face , broke her front tooth and badly bruised her face . Tooth could not be repaired it had to come out.

Sorry but 😆😆😆

I have managed to have my foot in the way of the door so it wasn’t properly open but I didn’t realised and carried on walking, bashing my head and face on the door and bruising them.

I really don’t know how I do this but I have managed it multiple times over the years and it hurts.

Broke my ankle holding the end of a skipping rope. It was my first ever Brownie camp. We were playing unders and overs. To this day I don’t know what happened. I think the person skipping tripped and I fell landing on my ankle. I was 7/8, the leaders didn’t believe me and left me until the next day to take me to hospital.

Another time I thought I’d see if I could do a “bridge” or a “crab” like we did at school (you lie on your back, knees up
& feet on floor, put your hands flat on the floor behind your shoulders and press up so you look like an arch).
Not in your late 40s you don’t - I did something to my back and was in agonising pain for weeks. Initially I couldn’t brush my hair or teeth, or get from a lying to a sitting position.

I've injured myself at the gym and number of times by whacking myself with various things - 30kg off your shins is particularly painful!

In an attempt to demonstrate to my 6 yo niece and nephew how chickens go to sleep I squatted on their night perch and it collapsed under me (who knew I was heavier than a dozen flipping hens?). They found it hilarious that silly auntie fell but when I couldn't stand up and walk my husband had to carry me back. After an x ray it was discovered that I had broken my ankle

I have several. Most of the ways I hurt myself are stupid 🙈 1st was I was about 10, I was sat on sofa and clean washing was next to me. I was cold and I used one of my mom’s tea towels and covered my feet. 🙈 kettle boiled and I was going to make my mom and dad tea, forgot about the tea towel. Tripped and kicked the doorframe, broke my little toe. Side of my foot went black 😂 2nd was I was heating some tinned potatoes in the microwave. One of my lazy meals when I Cba to cook. Anyway, there was a bang, a potato had exploded. Got them out, started to clean the mess in microwave. Popped another potato in my mouth. It exploded 😬 between my top lip and my gum. Massive mess and next few weeks my face was swollen one side like a bloody hamster 😂 I have more but 2 is enough for now!

I have three

• 8months pregnant on phone to partner as I was walking to meet him at Waterloo. Somehow rolled my foot off a two inch kerb and fell to the ground, phone clattered out of hand onto pavement and I screamed loudly. Boyfriend came running not knowing what had happened. I had torn my food ligament and had a corking fan shaped bruise over my foot for weeks. Still hurts in the winter and it was 16 years ago.
• same pregnancy - sat on bus reading The Guardian. As I turned the page the paper flopped forward and I managed to slice my eyeball. Had to go to A&E to have eyeball antibiotics.
• got plantar fascilitis whist learning to morris dance. I was done in by the hop skip during Lorenzo's Butterfly.

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Accidentally grated my hand bloody painful and bloody.

Whilst walking, I turned to wave at someone in a shop... walked straight into a lamppost side on (it was in the middle of the pavement, not near the kerb) and broke two ribs

Dislocated my shoulder, whilst sleeping
(I have hyper mobility) 🤨

I was dancing at a party and a fella behind me kicked/knocked my ankle. After still being in so much pain 2weeks later I got it x-rayed and it was fractured!

Kicked the bedroom stool over 3 months ago and broke my toe. Still hobbling.

Remembered another one - black eye.
Was at a work conference. On the last day they reminded us to check out of our hotel room by 10am. I had forgotten and ran back to the room to quickly pack during morning coffee break. I wrenched my coat off one of those fixed hangers which swung back and cracked me right above the eye socket.

Next day I had a right shiner. The HR manager called me in for a meeting and asked if everything was "all right" at home and gave me a leaflet about domestic violence. She didn't seem to believe my explanation.

We have a long hallway that runs from one side of our house to the other with doors leading off. The only natural light is from a large window at one end and a door into the garden which is open most of the time. This particular day the door was closed and I decided I could walk from one end to the other without putting the lights on. I tripped over something that my husband had stored against the wall there. It had lived against that wall for six years without causing anyone any problems until that day when I tripped up and landed flat on the ground having bashed my knee, elbow and wrist. I wound up with a month of antibiotics because I developed cellulitis from the tiniest scratch on my shin and I still have a bruise beneath the skin and a large area of my leg is till numb.

Caught my bra strap on a door handle and cracked my collarbone 🤦🏻‍♀️

Out horse riding and got off to do an awkward gate. Horse was being a tw@t, spinning around and spooking as I was getting back on. I went to use a fence as a mounting block, slipped. Dislocated and fractured my knee. 4 months in a leg brace and 10months later it's still giving me issues 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I jumped into a swimming pool, didn’t realise it was the shallow end and broke my foot.

Sorry this happened to you but the image is so slapstick.

I have a pair of death trousers too!! Except I have fallen in them 4 times....in my defense when they aren't trying to kill me they are really comfy

My friend and I have been awarding ourselves ‘muppet of the week’ for years….some of mine are:

-popped a rib whilst wiping my bottom
-shut my own hand in a drawer (had to take my wedding ring off as my finger swelled up on my first day back at work after my honeymoon!)
-hit myself in the head with a kettle bell
-tore my calf muscle whilst boxing
-sneezed and prolapsed a disc
-broke a toe kicking a step