MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

Clearly the backstory is relevant - I cant imagine being so resistant to spending time with my parents or in-laws.

This is wild! I'm glad your husband is going to set her straight.

Let your DH deal with it? Sounds like he isn't going to obey her demands! You are definitely not being unreasonable.

This!

There’s not really a backstory! We get on ok, she’s very controlling (she was a HT so I think sometimes she forgets that she doesn’t need to also be strict with all of us now she’s retired !)

It unreasonable at all. This is a mad assumption that you can give out a schedule for others to obey.

Urgh so disrespectful of your time off. Just a conversation should fix it though. I love being at home and enjoy two weeks at Christmas just for myself

Is there a back story here? Do you all get on?

My life with my in laws has never been this hard. We like each other, they don’t do this sort of shit and nor do we. We love having them over Xmas day to our house, it’s fun.

So what’s gone on to give you all this stress? Has she always been like this or is it recent?

ETA - just seen your post on her being controlling. Just tell her straight then that she cannot control your time.

I’m feeling generous this morning, so will say “she’s just trying to be organised.” X

OP, your MIL can make whatever plans she likes: you are not compelled to go along with them. I assume you want your own family Christmas at home in Christmas Day - go for it! And let DH be the “bad” guy and tell her (although doubtless you’ll be blamed!) Is there some reason why MIL has suddenly come out with this schedule? Is she feeling lonely or something? Stick to your Christmas guns, but see if there’s anything behind this.

I hate dominate family members who try and boss you around. You are definitely not being unreasonable!

Yes he’s going to speak to her (and make sure she’s definitely ok as I was worried it seems so over the top that she might be ill)

I think it sounds nice to have a big family Christmas. Sounds like she is organising so surely that will take a load off you as well.

Sounds like you have a good DH!

@Mulledjuice - can you really not understand that spending 23-27 with one side of the family might be a little ambitious if it is not the status quo?? Not necessarily a case of being resistant, it is just a very big ask for most people I would think?

Think offering one day of full attendance is a very reasonable compromise, so Boxing Day probably best.

What have you historically done at Christmas?

i dont think a bit of a schedule over Christmas is unreasonable - including allocating jobs if you're always or usually the host. But I'd expect it to be a discussion.

My first worry was she may be unwell, but this is the first Christmas since she retired and I’m wondering if she is missing the intense organisation she would have had around festivities at a large school?

Obviously something has got lost in translation here. What’s with the ‘faaamily’ Christmas? It sounds like you’re being sarcastic - hence the comment about a back story. Do you not see the in laws at Christmas usually? What about your family?
All that needs to happen is DH gives her a quick call to explain that ‘sorry mum, we can only do Boxing Day this year’. If you’re not available on Christmas Eve because you’re working then just stick to the one day!

do you ever spend Christmas day with her?

Oh maybe that’s it then. I can see how it would be hard if she’s used to organising a school!

I think your dh just needs to sit down with her and honestly tell her that if she doesn’t chill out, she’s going push people away and be very lonely.

She has kept saying it! Like Peggy Mitchell used to on Eastenders! Suddenly everything is faaamily

Very rarely as she used to go away with FIL over Christmas, this year they have had their holiday earlier

Oh I see - you’re taking the piss!

Ah, she’s a retired HT. That explains it. She probably thinks that’s she has come up with a great idea. One that has evolved from years of planning INSET days etc etc. I was SLT and can spot a retired HT at 50 paces.

Let DH handle it and stick to your offer of the 24th or 26th, not both.

She’s just retired from a full on job.

She’s trying to find something to replace it, and that’s by going full Peggy Mitchell.

Just have an honest chat with her.

I’m sure this is it. It must be a huge change for her. How is she coping with retirement? Has she got involved in hobbies or clubs or anything else to keep her busy?