MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

You should write a book with that imagination. Maybe if the mil had actually asked instead of presenting a schedule for 4 whole days she might have got what she wanted.

There's loads of community and church groups who will be exceptionally grateful for her skills. She now needs to build the next stage of her life.

"plus this means I get some of the afternoon to myself !!"

Someone is going to post about how this must that you don't like your husband or kids 😆

Edited cos wrong thread!

And? She will have her own family to see as well. And it’s likely they don’t live close…

For my family, it’s the same.

For the last two years I’ve worked until lunch time on Xmas eve. Then on the way home from work I collect my colleague who spends Xmas eve until the 29th with us.

Between my finishing work and returning the day after New Year’s Day we have to:

Prepare for Xmas day at ours. Usually sees the children banished to their fathers until the evening then everyone, including him, turns up at mine for food and festivities.

Xmas day - anyone who wants to come by can, if you want to join us for lunch let me know by the 22nd.

Then from Boxing Day onwards - visit my side of the family - a minimum 3 hour round trip for my family of 4, but we need to align calendars with my sister and her husband, my brother and his husband. Both of which also have their inlaws to see and a minimum of 5 hour round trips. Also it must work for my aunt and uncle and mum and dad - dad who is likely working most of Xmas.

Then we need to see the “in-laws” eg ex husbands mom and dad. Who live 150 miles away, but won’t come to us because I have cats and they have a dog, and they can’t leave the dog. They’re both retired.

so guess who has to fit in? The ones with the least commitments but refuse to travel. Sometimes we stay over, sometimes we don’t.

Then, and only then, do my ex and I, get to look at spending a day where we aren’t travelling/visiting/hosting.

So whilst I’m terribly sorry if that isn’t “much time” for everyone, it’s the most we can do to be fair to everyone.

And we really aren’t unusual. At all. That’s incredibly common.

She needs to be a volunteer somewhere and stop bossing members of her around!The trouble is if she volunteered in a charity shop she would probably boss the other volunteers around and the customers.

My wife is a RT (special needs) but not HT and I can confirm that in the retired educational field this behavior is not uncommon !!!
However she will, hopefully soon realise that the adults around her are not the little cherubs she previously had "in parentis" responsibility for......

Hope she takes it well ie you have no further bother!

Please post the schedule, I can't imagine what else would be on it if "veg prep" was just one of the tasks !

I don’t want to post the whole thing as I feel bad for MIL if I do but let’s just say the dc and dh have a lot of craft and baking / food prep activities for Xmas Eve !

To be fair the dc will love it

OP, would your MIL volunteer as a school governor? They are crying out for people with educational backgrounds. She could then still have the authority and get invited to all the Christmas festivities without all the mad planning.
Glad the DC will enjoy the activities at least 😀

Is the schedule just her coordinating your family’s time for 4/5 days? Or is she telling other people in the family what to do as well?

How did she take your DH’s conversation yesterday that he’d see her Xmas eve with the kids but the rest wouldn’t be happening?

Has it not occurred to her that you will have plans of your own? Even if they are lying on the sofa eating Dairy Milk?!

23rd Dec
DH and the kids head up early to unpack; DIL stays behind working all day (duly noted in MILs little black binder of grievances, and to be ammeded for next Christmas)

Eve: Sitting round the table while she reads out the house rules before DIL gets there.

24th Dec (Christmas Eve)
DH and the kids get straight onto baking gingerbread men, mince pies, and a Yule log, plus crafting homemade presents for each other. All while MIL’s personally curated festive playlist is blasting on repeat through the Alexa DH had to go set up for her earlier this week.

DIL is working the am shift, and gets begrudingly "let off" peeling veg, although takin the day off was clearly expected (logged in the binder). But DIL has to grab emergency extra veg on the drive up, head straight to MILs without popping home first, and make sure she arrives "in the Christmas spirit"

Eve: Carols round the piano, then lights out at 9 sharp so "Santa can get in."
25th Dec (Christmas Day)
DIL on non-stop tea duty and handing round snacks while MIL supervises; DH carves the turkey into paper thin slices; kids dive for wrapping paper the second it hits the carpet.
Afternoon: Monopoly, with MIL being banker and making up the rules as she goes along "for fun", then Scrabble where her made up two-letter words aren't open for debate.
26th Dec
DH flattens all the cardboard boxes for the tip; DIL packs leftover turkey into every single tupperware tub in the cupboards; kids kept quiet to ride out the sugar crash (DH put too much sugar in the gingerbread, apparently recipe is being corrected for next year lol).
Afternoon walk to inspect other peoples decs, followed by charades in the evening.
27th Dec
DH and DIL strip the spare beds and hoover the carpets; kids put every single board game counter back into its exact drawers

Porch exit interview: standing at the door having to tell her it was the best Christmas ever before anyones allowed to leave.

(Sorry op, couldn't resist)