MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

Op, who else is in the extended family?
How far away are the inlaws?
Do you ever host Christmas for any family, or spend any Christmas Day with family?
It seems that MIL is very happy to change the schedule.
Could you invite them for Christmas lunch and also go and see them on Boxing Day?
Is there any wiggle room?

So she normally goes away so none of you could spend Christmas together if you wanted to but now she’s at home this year she is scheduling you all to her specifications? I understand why she wants to be organised and know what’s happening but equally she has to accept that you also have a schedule.

It's not at all unusual to alternate Christmasses. And it doesn't necessarily mean that the other side of the family is on their own at home.

If you can’t understand the difference then you’re probably part of the problem 🙄

She's a retired HT- that's all you need to say 😆

It can do which means that person spends Christmas alone.

As I said- cruel.

In your OP you said you would ‘try’ to see her Christmas Eve or Boxing Day? Did you say this to her? Maybe that sounded a bit non-committal and she wanted to have something more concrete?

Also did she actually say ‘enough is enough’? Families can get into very rigid routines over Christmas under the guise of tradition and perhaps she felt it could be time for a change? You don’t have to agree but sometimes unless someone takes charge things just stay the same whether people like it that way or not.

I would treat it not as a demand but a proposal. She’s let you know she would love to spend time with you and what that might look like, you can go from there. I think a bit of compromise is reasonable. If you’re not up for this year perhaps you could do more than one day next year/ invite them down to you for a few days or maybe for a few days at Easter as lots of nice activities that can be planned around then too.

I think this is very likely, and it's kind of you to have put yourself in her shoes and thought about it. Adjusting to retirement is often tough. Can you invite her and FIL to yours and delegate all Christmas prep to her since you're working up to Christmas Eve?

Well I haven't got a "problem" in the first place because somehow in our family Christmas doesn't descend into these weird stand-offs.

It’s (hopefully) normal to look forward to a family get together.

It’s not to create an unrequested 5 day schedule.

They’ve gone on holiday for previous Christmas’ - so might have been appropriate to start this years preparations by asking when they can all get together, not making assumptions.

I assume the Op has parents/siblings of her own she might like to factor in at some point.

Send her your Christmas schedule and include your chosen day/time to visit her

because OP has drawn a hard line at a visit on either Christmas eve OR Boxing day. plenty of families would regard that as not spending much time together at Christmas.

I feel a bit sorry for her. Retirement hits some people hard, particularly ambitious go-getters. Her career obviously meant a lot to her and now she’s finding herself sitting on her hands with little to do. I think she just wanted to take control of the situation because her life may feel a bit out of control right now. Just tell her it’s either DH and DC on Xmas Eve or you all on Boxing Day.

Yeh I agree. It seems a fair enough plan and clearly you guys had said 24th or 26th anyway.

I think OP comes across as harsh

I would choose to react with quiet bemusement to the schedule, not let it annoy me, try to presume her best intentions. I would not feel obliged to fit in with any of it, just calmly state when you will be visiting. I certainly would not appreciate being given designated chores to do. We host regularly and DH & I do most of it ourselves but family mucks in with stuff they bring plus offering help while they were here. I don't like the idea of rigid chores being written down, seems a bit joyless.

Its great how these AI posts always has the username relating to the post.
Very original.
Not.

baffling

I am surprised by some of the replies on here. I am "resistant" to spending Christmas day with my in-laws. Christmas day is so much easier in your own home when you've got children. If they want to come over to ours then I'm fine with that. But I'm not travelling with all of the gifts to stay with them.

Cruel.

Both my parents are retired HTs. And are divorced.

This thread resonates with me a lot.

That statement kind of explains it doesn't it; They aren't on holiday this year so everyone has to jump to their tune to compensate.

Oh god, my mums a former teacher. Yes this resonates. Assuming she isn’t ill, she’ll just need to amend her excel document.

And MIL went on holiday over Christmas in the past so wasn’t too worried what her family were doing.

"Dear MIL, thanks for sharing your plans with us. These are the bits that work for us/ we can commit to..."

yes, which was backstory we didnt have in the OP - and my very first response was "what's the back story - it feels relevant!"