MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

This ^
I would encourage DH to send her a polite short text that you’ve got plans already so she can choose 24th or Boxing Day. And leave it there. I wouldn’t go into details what you would be busy with or tell her that her idea was bad.
And then give her time to process the situation.

why do you keep saying that? OP hadnt mentioned any other family being left out , and anyway that wouldnt change the fact that thousands of people alternate Christmasses without leaving someone home miserable and alone - youre projecting massively! im really sorry if you feel you are being left home alone because the people you want to spend Christmas with arent spending it with you.

Nice. So she normally does her own thing at Christmas with FIL. Now she is engaging and wants Christmas her way with the wider family? Naah. Glad to hear your husband isn't being a wet wipe and isn't feeding into her behaviour. It sounds like she needs to be more constructive with her retirement e.g. start volunteering or something. Rather than trying to control her family.

Even without backstory nobody sends out unsolicited a 5 day schedule, surely?

I love a schedule. But the starting point has to be 'When are you free to meet up?' not 'Mary, I want you peeling the spuds between 4-5, carrot batons by 5.30pm'.

Ahhhh... there's the problem. Their regular holiday plans have changed, so she's unilaterally decided your family will do what she wants, when she wants, where she wants to feel the void she's created in her own holiday.

Nope.

Let your husband tell her no.

This makes me laugh OP (not being mean!) my DGM did almost exactly this when my DGF retired. She kind of lost her mind but it was one year only (DF didn’t entertain it and she was fine thereafter) but it was exactly Peggy Mitchell style and also included a schedule for several days

Great strategy. I wouldn't get drawn into to explaining or justifying. Its those 2 dates that are on offer

This update puts a whole new slant on things!

When you quoted her as saying "enough is enough ", I thought that meant she'd had enough of Christmases where they'd had different family on different days! But it turns out that the PiLs were the ones doing their own thing at Christmas...

So now they've changed their habit of holidaying away, they expect all family members to drop their own plans/routines etc, and fall in with what THEY want.

At least you don't have a DH problem as well as a PiL one, as he's going to be explaining why MiL's Grand Plan won't be happening.

I wonder how she'll take it?!

I agree, as you will see upthread

She’s not resistant to seeing them, she’s said she’s happy for them to decide Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

She’s resistant to being sent a five day schedule with no prior consultation. And zero thought to OP’s parents/siblings who they might also want to see at some point over the period as well.

C’mon OP. Give us a schedule 😁 it sounds better than parking diagram

I love my parents and in laws but couldn’t spend more than 2 nights with them or everyone gets grumpy. You are not being unreasonable.

as I said pages ago, if MIL wants to spend time with them I would expect a discussion, not a directive.

I’m curious as to who else this schedule includes and whether they know anything about it. I can vaguely see a “close relative over from Australia who we haven’t seen for years” scenario where one side of the family dictates proceedings a bit more but this just seems odd… unless your MIL’s schedule includes your own parents/wider family too or she knows they have other plans for this year.
Both my parents are teachers. Even though they have been retired 20yrs and I have been working in the corporate world for 30 years, they cannot get their head around the fact that the world doesn’t stop on around 22nd Dec and resume on about 3rd Jan. They still talk about the year in my mid-20s when I didn’t get “home” for Christmas (following a 3hr train journey) until about 7pm on 24th and was on the first train on 27th - and that that was with an understanding boss who let me just turn up v late on 27th as I’d run out of annual leave. They have also never grasped why I go to the hairdresser at the weekend or struggle to fit in dentist appt or book in tradesmen as they used to just do those things in the holidays.

I don’t see how that’s joyless? Some people are great at spotting what needs to be done and pitching in, others might want to help but feel like a spare part (especially in someone else’s home) and others are just clueless. I think having specific roles e.g. peeling the veg, setting the table, picking up Aunty Sue - is fine. Everyone’s contributing and feeling useful.

So what’s the schedule she’s sent?

Really? You can't imagine someone isnt you?

And She's not reluctant to spending time with them. She mentions being available christmas eve or boxing day wlto see them several times

Oh come on, there’s spending time with them and then there’s being dictated a four day schedule over the entirety of the Christmas period!

I’m happy to spend time with my in laws over Christmas at mutually-agreed times. No way would I be happy being commanded to adhere to a schedule running from 23-27 December.

ok I could have worded better - I wouldn't be offering ONLY either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day unless there were something else going on. So I wondered what was going on?

While a five day stint is obviously OTT, I’d think spending Xmas day with them is reasonable if you haven’t very often.

Yes, the communication style is odd.

The underlying sentiment less so.

Yes, I'm with you on this one (and understood what you meant).

I get on with my family quite well but there is no way on God's green earth I am spending four full days with them over Christmas.

That's crazy! For many people, 5 days is pretty much their whole time off work during Christmas. Also, deciding in October who is going to manage prepping the veg etc, doesn't really give the impression of it being a relaxing Christmas. DH needs to reiterate one day and let his Mum know that sending out an unsolicited itinerary she's thought up isn't the way to go about making plans with family.

Not Unreasonable. No discussion prior to being issued, not simply a schedule, but from an expectation you have nothing else planned from 23-27th? What about OPs own side of the family, do they not matter. It places you all in the awkward position of having to renegotiate. Maybe that’s her clever plan - aim high and she may get you for two days instead of one!