Go back to ex or face a life alone

[NatureandBee]

This is what my ex said to me earlier when discussing potentially getting back together.

He said either I come home or I sit alone in my house forever.

Also we’ve only recently been talking again and ex wanted things to accelerate, I told him that I’m not comfortable yet and can we slow things down especially as things were recently nasty between us. He said I’ve fucked everything up now and that he’s offering me everything back, he’s doing all the work and that now I need to prove to him that I want to come back.

What are everyone’s thoughts??

Zawn is an incredible writer who sees things so clearly, great suggestion.

Have you posted previously? Your ex is very abusive and your (at the time 13 year old) son wouldn’t stay at your new home? Are you that poster?

YABU to even consider getting back with this turd. Block him on every level, ignore him, and move on. There are better men out there, or a peaceful life alone is preferable to a life being abused and manipulated by a horrible POS like this.

That’s me, I know I’ve posted about this before, I find MN helpful to get an outside perspective on this difficult situation. I did post a lot about his behaviours during the marriage and MN helped me to see how abusive and toxic he was, they encouraged me to speak to WA for advice too. I find it helpful to re-read previous threads when I feel full of doubts at leaving too. Yeah it’s rubbish what’s happened with my son, he was at least coming to my home for the past year but his refusal to visit has now coincided with ex wanting me to move back. I do at least see DS out of the house for food and activities which I’m grateful for.

I’m glad you find MN helpful. Please keep posting.

Now that I know who you are, please stop engaging with this man. You cannot and should not get back together. You know this. He is an abusive piece of shit and isn’t even trying to woo you back. He’s being very clear that nothing has changed and is just expecting you to fall back in line.

This has dragged on for ages and the only person who can stop it is you. You don’t ’need time’, this needs to end. You need to be definitive about it.

You were strongly advised to seek therapy/counselling on your previous threads. Have you done so?

Your ex maybe telling your son that you’ll come back if he does what he is told to do. I have seen that happen before.

He will be treating your son poorly as well and your son will likely need a safe place to retreat, eventually. Stay the course.

As your son is 15 you are doing the very best you can. Keep doing that.
Going back into a home where you know you will be abused won’t serve your son or help him. It will make his home toxic.
This man isn’t doing a single thing to change or to provide a safe place for you to live.
Maybe he just wants you back there to do wife work, or he’s bored because you are not there to abuse and dominate.
You are not alone in this life. You have your son.
The loneliest place in the world is being trapped in a home where you are being abused.
In time you will create your own safe haven for yourself. Your son will get older and when he sees you flourish he will be intrigued. Your safe space will become a welcoming place for him.
I am old enough to be your mum and here is my take - we are all alone. It doesn’t mean being lonely.
Living in a toxic home is a slow form of torture.
Living in a safe space you have created is wonderful.
I was very close to my parents and the thought of losing them used to upset me. Now, I hope it’s a long way into your future. But you do get through it and even through grief there is a freedom. Don’t worry about it. Your parents are still here - make memories with them.

He said either I come home or I sit alone in my house forever

This tells you all you need to know because it is emotionally abusive. He is "negging" you to use that horrible term. What he is saying is 'it's me or no one' - in other words (the implication) is that no one else will want you.

What you want in a partner is someone who values you, respects you and thinks that other people value you too. Not someone who is suggesting to you that without them they are nothing.

It's clear that these are not the only options. The third option is a full happy life with someone else. Choose that. Even choose being alone for ever rather than being with someone who talks you like that. It will destroy your self esteem.

So wait a minute…
you separated because he was abusive
now he is turning it around so you fucked up and you need to do all the running ??
Surely that should be him
why the fuck is he offering it back to you?

if you go back now you will be forever apologising for what he does. He is making this all your fault and you are contemplating letting him