Go back to ex or face a life alone

[NatureandBee]

This is what my ex said to me earlier when discussing potentially getting back together.

He said either I come home or I sit alone in my house forever.

Also we’ve only recently been talking again and ex wanted things to accelerate, I told him that I’m not comfortable yet and can we slow things down especially as things were recently nasty between us. He said I’ve fucked everything up now and that he’s offering me everything back, he’s doing all the work and that now I need to prove to him that I want to come back.

What are everyone’s thoughts??

Please, it's than - more than, longer than etc.

Other than that, I agree with you.

Same here and I’d recommend it to a great many of the agonised ‘letter writers’ on MN.

Do young female students still scrawl this on walls, as was the case in the 1970s?
“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle!”

Watch this then decide

Women who are used to being alone

An older friend pointed out to me that amongst her friends, when the men lost their wife they always remarried right away. None of the women ever did.

Another older widowed friend says “I don’t want to be a nurse or a purse.”

Yet another widowed friend said “Uh uh. No way!” whilst chatting about dating after losing her husband.

All of these women adored their husbands but not one would consider taking another one. Interesting, eh?

You have a rare opportunity now to create the life you want.
Being alone does not mean being always lonely, although you will be sometimes, that's the truth.
But when you are on your own and lonely, your choices are your own. You can join a book club or a swimming class or get a dog and meet neighbours on your nightly walks. You can start a blog or join an online group - all your decisions, no need to seek permission from a small and nasty man who will try to stop you branching out while also giving you nothing of what you need in compensation.
I think you will be lonely if you go back to him. And you will be made to feel that any attempts to do anything to find other people or activities that might bring you happiness are bad for "your relationship" - I can tell he's that kind of guy.
He doesn't sound like someone who cares about you. He cares nothing for your life and how it could look, how much you could grow given the opportunity.
Don't waste your one precious life on this man.

OP you haven’t said anything about what your relationship was like but just what he is saying now has all the hallmarks of an abuser who is not even acting nice in the stage of getting you back! He is trying to erode your self esteem and gaslighting you, by telling you your only option is to be alone (as if you couldn’t be happy alone or easily find someone else). Insulting you by implying he is the only man on the planet who would be with you (in which case, why is he?) and he is taking zero responsibility for whatever problems you had by telling you that it’s you who has fucked it up.

Are you seriously considering going back? Truly just from what you have said, I can tell you will have an awful life with him. Take some time single to recover…. You might find you like it. You will feel safe, no fights, no making you feel worthless if mad, no need to walk on eggshells, just peace. Then if you want after some time, find a nice guy (which you can) who won’t treat you like shit.

Yep.

Well, he’s certainly showing his true colours.

Alone forever?

Total pish.

Do you know though what’s worse than being alone? Being alone with a man who uses controlling tactics to get what he wants.

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

apologies I voted YABU in the sense to even think of going back - avoid! Major red flags! Staying single would be the better option than living with someone who treats you like that! The right person for you would never treat you that bad! Stay strong.

This. He's already pushing your boundaries and you're not even back together!

Yeah my ex tried that.

I want to marry you and love straight back in.

Yeah mate - not happening after you cheated.

we had a 13 month old ds at the time and I wanted to start again, re connect and try and work through what led to the situation - he wanted all or nothing.

Personally I think I ended up with it all because he moved out of the family home forever, I’ve raised ds (alone since he was 2.5) and he’s had 2 further failed marriages behind him.

Don’t let anyone pressurise you - you can be apart from him and have a full life if being with him is not what YOU want.

Why did you break up in the first place?

Why are you considering going back to him? Have you been dating since you broke up?

Oh sorry I didn't realise I was posting in pendants corner! I'm dyslexic!

How old are you? Both my parents are gone now which I really worried about but it’s just a different phase in life.
Also if they are leaving you any kind of inheritance I would wonder if that’s why he’s keen?
Because he’s not treating you with love and respect.
So what if you live solo? It’s fantastic. It’s better than being stuck in a house with a nasty piece of work.

Yeah, that's a thing that abusive men quite often say. Get rid.

OP, you must have split up for good reason. What has changed significantly about him that you'd even consider having him back? From the little you've said, he sounds awful. Honestly, I've got heels higher than your standards. Don't let distant memories of good times (assuming there were some in the relationship) trick you into opening closed doors. Block him, move on and get those cats.

Ditch the abusive man pronto and get two cats. What type of cats are you going to get OP?

He’s an abusive wanker. Run for the hills and live peacefully.

Remind me - why is he an Ex?

Absolutely love this and it’s so true.

Meet up with friends or make new ones? Hobbies? New man? Your only option aren’t your ex or alone with cats.

I’d tell him

its best if I seat you free to find happiness as it’s clear from what he is saying I’ve fucked up and will probably keep doing so. Best for all concerned

id rather be on my own than play these games and be lonely

He is playing mind games. U go back and He will always have the upper hand. A life without him or any partner does not have to be a lonely life. I live alone. It's peaceful. Work on your sense of self worth OP.