Go back to ex or face a life alone

[NatureandBee]

This is what my ex said to me earlier when discussing potentially getting back together.

He said either I come home or I sit alone in my house forever.

Also we’ve only recently been talking again and ex wanted things to accelerate, I told him that I’m not comfortable yet and can we slow things down especially as things were recently nasty between us. He said I’ve fucked everything up now and that he’s offering me everything back, he’s doing all the work and that now I need to prove to him that I want to come back.

What are everyone’s thoughts??

This. He will always say you would be alone if it wasn't for his charity. You don't need him.

Thank god you can see that it would be hell to return.

He's lying abusing scum.
This is who he is.
Your son is 15 and will have to learn the truth in his own time.
Absolutely do not return, no matter what the blackmail is like.

You will have a fine Christmas.
Sometimes we have to wade through really shitty times to get to a better place.

He is 100% shitty times and always will be.

He is your nasty ex for a reason. Being alone is far preferable to being with someone who doesn't love, respect you or like you.

Better to be alone and content/happy/peaceful than with some awful man. I imagine he's your ex for a reason x

I had a friend. She left her husband after he had multiple affairs. This is pretty much what he said when she had the courage to leave him. So what happened next? It took time, but within a couple of years she met the most gorgeous man in every way. Charming, handsome and kind. The kids adore him and they are now very happily married. So I think this will all work out and you do not need to worry. Be aware though a bloke like this will get quite angry as things work out for you and "his property" no longer belongs to him. In my friends case the Police had to be called when he refused to hand them back whilst new man was in the house. He also went on a campaign of damage and intimidation which eventually landed him in court.

This is the best thing you can do for your DC OP. Be consistent, text every day, even if it’s a “hope you have a good day” or say morning ald
night.
This will show your child the door remains open, they can come back when they are ready.
I’m sorry you are in this situation, I know from
personal experience how hard it is 💐

Thanks! I’ll take a look ☺️

He is still textbook abusive! Youve fucked it up, your holding things back, you will be sad and lonely.....

I bet this time next year, your life is will be just glorious! With or without another relarionship, and likely with a better relationship with your son who will have woken up by then.

Hi op him dictating to you now is no better than how you were feeling when you lived with him. Don’t go back but try and get mediation for you and your son some schools can do this in school time but don’t go back to the abuse. Op did you try and take your son but he stayed with dad? He might not understand now but he will eventually understand that you can’t be abused and take it. Your ex sounds like he is manipulating you this is still abusive behaviour. Also why does your ex think you’re good enough for him but not another man. Most people would rather be alone than be trapped and treated like shit.

Please do not go back

Run and don't look back. Who says you will be alone forever? I was in a miserable marriage took mev40+ years to leave. Life has been so much happier since. Oh and after 3+ years on my own met someone. We both said we weren't looking for marriage etc but last year we married and it is great. I had 5 pets when we met and they all loved him. Nowt wrong with cats/dogs they are great company and if you got a dog you will meet lots of people when you go for walks. Don't go back, there was a reason why you separated and him saying that is yet another x

Time to carve out the future life you want for yourself. You may be scared but do it scared! Xx

They are WONDERFUL cats. They are affectionate, playful, relaxing to be around.
My advice? Don't hesitate. Get the ragdolls.
And NEVER GO NEAR THAT IDIOT MAN AGAIN.
With his attitude HE's the one who'll end up alone.

I never felt so alone as when I lived with my abusive husband. Without him my life is far more full and happy.

I would work on finding ways to make friends and build a community around you. It can include a new relationship eventually if you choose this, but it doesnt have to.

Womens aid can provide free counselling to help support you. They can hopefully also help with the issues with your son.

Imagine how horrible Christmas will be if you go back with him. UNBEARABLE.
He is projecting OP. He has just realised how he'll have to get his own Christmas dinner, wrap his own presents etc when you aren't there. And that'll be horrible for him. Good. He sounds like he derserves a rotten Christmas.

@NatureandBee keep texting your son. Ignore DH, or if you must contact him, do
it through a parenting app to discourage all the other noise. And please don’t go back to him 😳

@NatureandBee Is he a motivational speaker? Didn't think so. Choose the cats, you will be much more fulfilled.

He sounds selfish and coercive so do not go back! There is nothing wrong being on your own he’s trying to put you down and make you be dependent on him. You have your own life be strong and go for it x
and always message on mumsnet if you are struggling it’s a great forum for support x

I know unhelpful …. But he’s a Wanker!

Tell him to stop threatening you with a good time (home alone)

The option isnt him or noone. People meet partners in all sorts of unexpected ways.

Can’t help but think being alone forever might me better than a lifetime of this wanker

He sounds like an arrogant person who is belittling you. There is no reason why you would be alone if you weren’t with him - there are other men in the world!

I've just finished a book called nesting, although it's fiction it really opened my eyes to the manipulation some women go through. Please don't go back. X

I’ve read this, it’s a fantastic book and really eye opening to the manipulation women go through when it comes to emotional abuse and how difficult it is to leave and stay away.