Go back to ex or face a life alone

[NatureandBee]

This is what my ex said to me earlier when discussing potentially getting back together.

He said either I come home or I sit alone in my house forever.

Also we’ve only recently been talking again and ex wanted things to accelerate, I told him that I’m not comfortable yet and can we slow things down especially as things were recently nasty between us. He said I’ve fucked everything up now and that he’s offering me everything back, he’s doing all the work and that now I need to prove to him that I want to come back.

What are everyone’s thoughts??

There’s a reason he’s an ex and the third option, cats, sounds great!

Also, who says you’ll be alone? You never know who you’ll meet in a year or two time.

Make your like fruitful, develop a new social life, enjoy not having g the stress in your life. Take up a new hobby, join a Bookclub, return to a hobby you enjoyed when you were ten whether it’s ice skating, ballet ( adult ballet lessons exist), bird watching Bookclub etc.

Just to add, both my parents have since gone. I am not alone. I don't have pets either. If anyone presented this idea to me they would out of my life. He obviously thinks he is a catch- let him.bugger off OP.

Miss Helga says “He is not worthy of your time! Move on, Protect your peace and revel in the contentment of feline company”. Amen.

My image of a cat is under review. 🙄. Seriously Mumsnet don’t be so daft!

The cats are the much more loving easier option, don’t feel you need to rise to his challenge to resurrect this relationship- not all challenges should be attempted. You’re not a failure for quitting

It sounds like he's projecting and fears HE will live a life on his own. Choose freedom. Choose the ability to go anywhere, do anything without someone who is actively trying to hurt you in order to control you.

This. He's an ex for a reason.

There are millions of other men in this world, a lot of them much nicer, kinder, more supportive & empathetic.

And having a man in not obligatory. Women are typically happier single.

Option C - meet someone new
Option D - get some cats
Option E - do both of the above

whatever you do, going back is his way of controlling you, you won’t be alone forever if you leave him, but honestly if you were, you still sound like the winner here!

Get rid and moooove on!

Exes are exes for a reason.

The tone is making me think theres DV.

He makes it sound like you should be afraid to be in your own and need him You really don't your stronger on your own. Hes talking to you in a horrible abusive way. Your worth much more than that.

You need to work on yourself in therapy ASAP if you see those two as only viable options. And are so afraid of being left after your parents die that you’d choose that….

@NatureandBee you have had some great advice on this thread. I will add one little extra bit. I would thank him, directly, for showing you exactly why you broke up and why you are not going back.

When separated and wanting to reconcile, most decent people would actually make an effort to show their best side. Not Prince Effing Charming. Oh no. He’s the Big I Am who knows no wrong.

Let this paltry offer of his be the final nail in the coffin of the relationship.

Oh and the Freedom Program might be worth a look.

I broke with my ex, after a long marriage. I was fine being alone, but after a couple of years, I met a guy, and we had the happiest of marriages until he died.

You haven’t got only two choices - you start a new life, away from him, and see what happens after that.

He’s offering you everything back? What is he offering exactly? It sounds like you would bring something to his life which is why he’s forcing it and he’s not happy that aren’t on board. Does he have his own place? Why does he want to speed things up?

Agree with PP’s those aren’t your only options but of the two I would run towards being alone in my own house!

Why did you pick things up again? Was it because of familiarity and being scared of an unknown future?

Who says you’ll be alone? You may very well meet someone who treats you as you should be treated - well. Leave him to his arseholery.

I love the idea of getting a couple of ragdolls as I’ve heard they are v.docile and affectionate 💕

We are married (separated) so he means offering me our family back together again (we have DC) I left due to abuse, he’s since admitted to the abuse and we have been meeting up for short periods to discuss our marriage but he wants to accelerate everything, when I say we need to be sensible and take things slowly he says he won’t wait and because I put the breaks on he says I’ve now effed everything up, I’ve got to prove to him that I want our marriage etc. That’s when he keeps saying either you come home or you’ll be alone forever.

my response would be. “ I will be perfectly happy alive, living a stress free life, without a man child to have to appease”. His “you’ll be alone” is not the threat he thinks it is!

Oh no! I want to see 🐈😍

Hail to the glorious Miss Helga! You are so right! 🐈😍

This is gas lighting is just more abuse. A preview of what you get if you go back.

Lots of great advice here, given history of abuse and that you've got DC please don't go back! I left an abusive relationship 10 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself and my son. We both flourished and enjoyed life. And befote i hsd been so scared of being single! I can't believe it now. There are definitely so many upsides to single life- i am moving back to support my elderly mum and have applied to retrain as a mental health nurse. Making these big changes that you want to do are definitely much harder as part of a couple. And being in a relationship with this prick will prevent you from meeting someone better.

Oh OP! Being alone would be heaven compared to living with this idiot! Especially once you throw cats into the mix!

I hope you have legal advice. Crack on with the process and look forward to a blissful future.

Every experience is different of course; I left due to drinking and abuse, but went back. The drinking and abuse got a lot worse. I was considering my exit when he died. Now remarried but looks back on my time "alone" with huge affection, I had a blast. Not all of it was easy but it was a shit load better than living with an abuser. Your man sounds like a controller, as was mine. Choose the cats!