AIBU to think DS and SIL shouldn’t be commenting on DS’s bottle?

[AmpleFish]

title should say DB rather than DS!

DS (just turned 4) has always taken a bottle of milk to bed and had one in the morning when he wakes. We brush his teeth afterwards and his dentist hasn’t mentioned it so assuming all is fine.
This weekend my brother came down to visit from Scotland. He and SIL made repeated comments to me and DH about how DS was too old to be having a bottle.
AIBU to think he should stay in his lane? Particularly when he and SIL have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old and neither are potty trained! I think they need to take some of their own medicine before commenting on others!

Your DS should not have a bottle anymore. You're meant to stop between 12 and 18 months. At your DS age it is really bad for dental health and jaw development.

I don't not seeing potty trained at 3 1/2 is a big deal. Its not really out ic the ordinary. I potty trained my youngest at 3 and a bit. I waited for warm weather so I could wash clothes easily. As long as tgey are trained before starting school its not an issue.

It’s a moot point - she didn’t go to Rainbows or on any sleepovers anywhere.

I’m not saying it’s right she had a bottle until the age she did but I also don’t think it’s that big of a deal. She’s now 8 and perfectly well adjusted.

Ideally a 4 year old shouldn’t have a bottle at all but personally I wouldn’t comment unless I was directly asked to by their parent and even then I like to think I’d be diplomatic. Partly because my own experience of having a child with SN and the struggle to get them
to move on from bottles/dummies etc and partly because I just don’t care enough about this kind of thing.

Is your 4 year old upset by what has been said or is it just you OP?

Time for a visit from the bottle fairy … 😂 I told mine the younger children needed them … and she’d left them some fairy cakes 🧚 they were delighted 😀

Potty training is an absolute necessity for basic dignity and appropriate development and should be happening waaay before 3.

It's hard what actual issue there is in a four year old having bottles of milk. These days it's encouraged to breastfeed as long as you want, which could exceed 4 years old, and the bottle could be seen as a replacement for that.

Just look up the health issues caused by continued bottle usage. It’s not just about brushing teeth afterwards. It affects the development of the jaw and can cause misalignment and narrowed airways. Potty training after 3.5 has no long term health consequences.

4 year old should not be drinking from a bottle and a 3.5 year old should be potty trained

Because I speak to them often and we meet up regularly

just me - he couldnt care less!

I think with potty training it depends on the child, you can’t force them to sit on a potty and have a wee 🤷🏻‍♀️.
My DD is 2 years 10 months, and some days she will use the potty all day no problem and some days she refuses and wants a pull up, im sure eventually she will crack it, but forcing the situation tends to make potty training worse.
Personally i cringe seeing kids over 3 with a dummy or bottle (or breastfeeding so its not just the bottle) but i get it, its sad when you take away their comfort and makes you feel guilty but it has to be done, i have bought my DD tommee tippee insulated no spill sippy cups and she loves them (she was breastfed at night until a month ago she hadn’t had breast at bedtime to fall asleep for over a year but was having it to fall back to sleep in the night) buy some nice sippy cups throw the bottle away and when they arrive make a big deal about how lovely the cups are and how such a big boy he is, my DD cried the first and second night but after that was fine.

My DS loved his bottles and dummies. He would have still
had both until
he was in secondary school
unless I’d stopped them on his 3rd Birthday. Both my children would have much much preferred not to clean their teeth or to have sweets for breakfast.
just because a child enjoys and gains comfort from
something doesn’t mean we, as parents, always have to provide that.

It's not unusual to have a glass of milk before bed and also with breakfast.

As long as you brush your child's teeth and don't have him sucking milk from a bottle until he sleeps it is probably fine.

Your Brother is probably shocked to see a child as old as 4 sucking from a bottle.
Equally you are shocked about his older child not being toilet trained.

Make a joke if it....
I will throw the bottle away when DN3 is toilet trained.

Time for them to cut you out their lives

Yes, a 4yo should have been off the bottle years ago. Perhaps a sippy cup at night to prevent a spillage if he reaches for it. But a proper bottle with a teat? Absolutely not.

And also yes, a 3.5yo should be toilet trained.

I do agree that 4 yo is much too old for a bottle. I remembered being worried that my eldest still had one at 2.

They shouldn’t brush their teeth immediately afterwards as that’s when the teeth are softened from the milk, so the brushing will do more harm than good. They need to wait at least 30 mins. Milk other than breast milk right at bedtime shouldn’t mix with teeth, there needs to be a gap.

3.5 is on the outside of potty training but it’s not as far from the standard as the bottle at 4.