AIBU to think DS and SIL shouldn’t be commenting on DS’s bottle?

[AmpleFish]

title should say DB rather than DS!

DS (just turned 4) has always taken a bottle of milk to bed and had one in the morning when he wakes. We brush his teeth afterwards and his dentist hasn’t mentioned it so assuming all is fine.
This weekend my brother came down to visit from Scotland. He and SIL made repeated comments to me and DH about how DS was too old to be having a bottle.
AIBU to think he should stay in his lane? Particularly when he and SIL have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old and neither are potty trained! I think they need to take some of their own medicine before commenting on others!

I’m not deliberately babying him but yes he probably should’ve been encouraged to give it up before now.

Id argue that letting your preschooler sit in their own mess all day is probably worse!

Are you also now saying they don’t change the nappies?

As otherwise they are not sitting in the mess all day.

Though this isn’t the lazy parent competition awards.

Absolutely! I introduced the ‘bottle fairy’. My then 2 or 3 yr old (can’t quite remember) gathered ALL his bottles together and placed them in a large Jiffy bag and left them outside the front door for the bottle fairy to collect overnight, who would then deliver them to the much younger babies to use. 😂 In return and to say thank you, the bottle fairy would be leaving him a very nice present (a toy that I knew he wanted). And that was the end of that!

Why are you all so awful at parenting? It’s not that hard.

3.5 isn't that old for not potty training yet whereas 4 is way too old for a bottle. Even if dentist hasn't mentioned, it's not good to drink milk and brush teeth immediately, you should brush teeth 30 mins after final food/drink.

A 4 YO should not be drinking from a bottle.

Have you reported this to social services? That's child abuse.

My eldest had a bottle until he was 3 or 4, just once a day as part of his bedtime routine and we brushed his teeth afterwards except when he occasionally fell asleep too quickly afterwards. He now has cavities in his early teens and not cutting the bottle out at 12 months is one of my biggest parenting regrets. Dentist didn't mention it either until he needed his first filling.

I seem to remember that my three had all practically weaned themselves off bottles around the age of two. They were then onto lidded beakers for a few months and then slowly onto proper cups.

4 is too old for a bottle. I'd ditch them now, well before starting school.

Your SIL is unreasonable if she is not working on the potty training with a 3.5 year old. If she is and has been having issues then she might need to consider professional help, we just don't know.

I think people are missing the point of the thread, it wasn’t to ask for judgement on the bottle situation, it was about a family members comments, I can’t stand this sort of thing, it’s probably best not to comment on other people’s parenting unless they ask for advice or unless a child seems in danger - regarding bottles and potty training - sometimes it depends on a child having additional needs, some autistic children take longer to potty train for example.

Doesn't really matter what anyone else is doing and who is potty trained and who isn't - your son is too old for a bottle.

He's too old for a bottle

So they don't even change the nappies? Really?

That is crossing over into child neglect now.

I think the bottle is worse as it can cause long term damage as others have already pointed out.

YABVU. Take the bottle off him. He’s FAR too old for it.

and yes, the 3.5 year old should be potty training.

I think you've framed this as being about your brother's poor parenting as a bit of a tub to the whale - so people will be distracted by his failings rather than the bottle. But he wouldn't be the only person to think this isn't a good idea, and it's basically immaterial what he does with his own children: the question is really about the bottle, and you need to get him weaned from it.

3.5 yo should be potty trained by now. Some 4 yo go to school immediately after their 4th birthday.

If this is actually true it's obviously neglect. If you are being hyperbolic and you mean they haven't potty trained yet then ask yourself why you are so hung up on which one is worse and keep bringing it back to your brother. You sound very immature!

3.5 might be slightly late for starting potty training. 4yo is very late for still having a bottle

Well no not at all, they change them as much as any other parent. But a kid who isn't trained is still bound to be sitting in their own mess for some period of time until changing, which isn’t good and is teaching them that it’s ok

I was being hyperbolic. The kids are both well looked after and changed when needed

I voted YANBU simply because BOTH of you are in a position to make comments about the other person parenting. So in that ground alone, your DB is unreasonable.

Having said that, when to stop a bottle is a very cultural thing. The U.K. tends to want their dcs wo a bottle or a nap quite early on vs others countries.
But I’d want him off before he starts school.

You ARE babying him though. Deliberately or not the consequence to your child is the same. Unless you have a significant cognitive disparagement, you'd know that you are holding him back. Its lazy. You think you are doing the right thing because you don't want to upset the status quo. But is your job as a parent to guide your child through the next developmental phase. That's what parenting is and you're opting out of it, because it's easier for you. But this is harming your child. You won't listen to this because you will listen to the posters who are stroking your ego.
it's wrong and it's neglectful

Yes it’s not strictly true, I just mean they haven’t made any training attempts!