AIBU to think DS and SIL shouldn’t be commenting on DS’s bottle?

[AmpleFish]

title should say DB rather than DS!

DS (just turned 4) has always taken a bottle of milk to bed and had one in the morning when he wakes. We brush his teeth afterwards and his dentist hasn’t mentioned it so assuming all is fine.
This weekend my brother came down to visit from Scotland. He and SIL made repeated comments to me and DH about how DS was too old to be having a bottle.
AIBU to think he should stay in his lane? Particularly when he and SIL have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old and neither are potty trained! I think they need to take some of their own medicine before commenting on others!

They've obviously touched a nerve.

Op, I was you 23 years ago. DC2 was crazy for milk and I never stopped them having it. We just moved to a leak proof cup. They got through two pints a day from about 4 yrs.
Everyone said it wasn’t healthy.
Now aged 27 has no fillings and when had an X-ray on shoulder was asked if they had been an athlete as their bone density was so high.

Has to be reverse

He should be on a cup. They should potty train. Very unusual all round.

My 5 year old has been using cups for about 3 years now.

I agree with their opinion on the bottle, I can’t imagine my 4 year old still having a bottle.
But I agree with you that they shouldn’t bring it up, especially repeatedly.

One of my sons still had a bottle before bed when he was 3. Our ped said "as long as you aren't letting him walk around the shops with it hanging out of his mouth, he will eventually give it up". He did, by 3 and a half.

I think everyone should just shut up about other people's parenting unless they are asked for their opinion.

No one wants to be criticised or judged . And what is the gain except to hurt people's feelings .

I think a 4 year old having a bottle is far more unusual than a 3.5 year old not being potty trained to be honest.

What adult son??

Are they in the process of potty training but not cracked it yet? That's fine as some take longer. If they are not even trying to train him that's different. Your child is far too old for a bottle. Milk at night is perfectly normal but not out of a bottle - just put it in a cup. Perhaps instead of criticises and comparing each other, you and your brother (DH and SIL also) could try to support and encourage each other, as you both sound like you have things to learn.

No and it isn’t good for your sons teeth and you need to ween him asap.

It isn’t totally harmless and healthcare pros will tell you two tops.

Quick google:

Health organizations, including the <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=www.nhs.uk/baby/weaning-and-feeding/drinks-and-cups-for-babies-and-young-children/&ved=2ahUKEwiC-czvxsmXAxUIVUEAHeWBL0QQy_kOegoIAggACAAIChAC&opi=89978449&cd&psig=AOvVaw1phnUUoeOPDtYOFWOEIIQR&ust=1792618615446000" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">NHS and pediatric guidelines, recommend that children be completely weaned off baby bottles by 12 to 24 months of age, transitioning to open cups or straw cups. 1, 2]
Risks of Prolonged Bottle Use at Age 4
Dental Decay: Sucking on a bottle—especially with milk, juice, or sweetened drinks—keeps sugary liquids in contact with the teeth for a prolonged time, leading to severe cavities and tooth decay. 1, 2]
Teeth and Jaw Misalignment: Extended sucking habits can affect oral motor development, contributing to issues like open bites, protruding front teeth, or a tongue thrust (where the front teeth grow outward). 1, 2, 3]
Speech and Oral Development: Proper jaw and lip alignment are important for clear speech development; prolonged bottle habits can interfere with natural growth. 1]
Nutritional and Emotional Dependency: At four years old, a bottle is often used for comfort rather than nutrition, which can crowd out solid foods or create rigid behavioral attachments. 1, 2]

Just tell them that- you do you.

Same

This will rot his teeth. I've seen it happen

Too old for a bottle.

Are they actively potty training the 3.5 year old and it's taking time or are they just not bothering? Big difference between a child struggling to get it and lazy parenting. Mine was 3.5 before he was out of nappies but diagnosed with ASD at 4 so it was in line with his overall delay.

When you say a bottle of milk do you mean a baby’s bottle with a teat or a bottle as in a sport bottle type lid or spout?

The guidance is to stop bottles at 1 I believe

Exactly. My dentist commented on how she can tell my kids never had bottles or dummies. (She said that, having her own kids have them too). I was like really? And she said oh yes we can tell!
It effects their jaw development.
Hence why they say to wean off them at 12 months.

If this is true YABU and ridiculous. No 4 yr old needs a bottle. If he has milk, a cup is much better for teeth, speech, tooth decay, fine motor skills, more hygienic, encourages self regulation of appetite. Plus infantilising a reasonably old child (he’s not even really a toddler) is really bad for their self esteem and maturity. You really need to put a stop to this asap.

In other words it was fine back in my day 🥱

OP, my DS loved his bottle on a night and a morning. Refused to drink milk out of a cup. It was his comforter. I let it run ‘til he was 4 but asked him to give it up before he started reception… it was a wrench 😬

No regrets my end. Just use your instinct x

Going against the grain here but if the dentist isn’t worried tbh I don’t see the harm! He’s only 4, and milk is great for them.

I stopped my bottles at 2 because everyone and everywhere said I should- big mistake with one of them as milk was then refused forever and they had to have calcium supplements but that’s another story!

But your family should keep their nose out as it’s rude.

A baby half his age doesn’t need a bottle. He should have been drinking out of cups at least two years ago.

not being potty trained at 3.5 isn’t ideal but it isn’t physically damaging unlike the bottle.

Adorable! I think people are making heavy weather of the bottle.

I see two separate issues here, the bottle issue and people who stick their nose into your business, which is what I'll focus on here.

Ugh, competitive parenting. There's so much of that when you have kids. Everyone's a child development expert and they'll tell you just what you need to do lol.

You might want to think of a few pat phrases you'd be comfortable saying, that are kind of a nice way of telling them to shut up. "We're good, thanks," or whatever. Or just don't say a word, aside from possibly pointedly changing the subject. Or you can just get up and walk out of the room for a few minutes.

One thing I learned is to not justify or explain myself to people who give unsolicited advice because it just legitimatizes the intrusion and invites them to keep arguing with you about personal business.

But some people just don't quit and then you might want to just stay away from them as much as possible.