AIBU to think DS and SIL shouldn’t be commenting on DS’s bottle?

[AmpleFish]

title should say DB rather than DS!

DS (just turned 4) has always taken a bottle of milk to bed and had one in the morning when he wakes. We brush his teeth afterwards and his dentist hasn’t mentioned it so assuming all is fine.
This weekend my brother came down to visit from Scotland. He and SIL made repeated comments to me and DH about how DS was too old to be having a bottle.
AIBU to think he should stay in his lane? Particularly when he and SIL have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old and neither are potty trained! I think they need to take some of their own medicine before commenting on others!

Interesting if not worrying stats - the average age would be lower if disposables and pull ups were not around. Wains not toilet trained by 2.5 are being 'trained' to soil themselves. A 3 year old (Sen aside) knows when they are passing urine or having a poo.

Ohhh I see, yes it’s much less frowned upon isnt it!

Breastmilk won't be rotting a child's teeth, pooling in the mouth or damaging jaw development, so it's not at all comparable, not sure why that poster mentioned it.

Its relevant. The OP said her kid has the milk before brushing teeth.

A four year old should not have/need a baby bottle of milk

4 is too old for a bottle. Guidance used to be stop by 12m when my dd was young.
Teeth can be affected. Anything causing milk to pool and sit on teeth isn’t good.

It will still be pooling in the mouth, decaying the teeth and impacting jaw development. OP hasn't said any reason why a cup isn't being used, which has zero detrimental impact on child development.
Breastmilk is not remotely comparable.

I did check before I posted and it seems there are studies that show extended bf can contribute to decay. (Too many to link but tbf there were also many saying it has no impact on jaw development)

My comment was just a flippant one though really, it wasn't that deep.

it is too old for a bottle really - like surely most kids just have a cup of milk? my 2 year old loves milk but he just has an open cup of milk before bed

You say potty training can be controlled but then in the same breath acknowledge it can be encouraged. Of course parents need to guide the kids on this. But it’s not comparable to giving a bottle, which is entirely parent controlled. Although at 4 I guess he’s able to grab the bottle from the cupboard himself and fill it. But in any case, I’m not criticising him having a bottle - it’s working for you both. But there’s no need to turn this into a competition with your DB & SIL.

Shouldnt have milk after doing teeth though.Water is fine ,Lactose is hard on little teeth .In laws should be potty training though!

YANBU about the comments. I am a parent of a three-year-old myself, and repeated jabs from a sibling over a weekend visit would drive me up the wall too. Lecturing someone on their own sofa never changed a parenting habit.

That said, I would separate the bottle from the brother. At four, most kids will happily swap to a cup or straw cup for the bedtime milk if you let them pick the cup and phase it in, and it is one less thing to defend on visits. But that is a decision for you to make for him, not something to do because your DB said so.

Its lazy and neglectful to not progress your child. It is very clear he is an only child. You cant keep babying him because you are not ready to let him go. Im not saying this to be harsh. I did the same with mine. Its not a good thing. You will be filtering out the answers that you find soothing that is not the right way to go about it.

My son wasn't toilet trained until 3.5 years old. I tried before that age, but he simply didn't grasp it. Being a bit older, it took a week, we bypassed the potty and went straight to the toilet. He had 1 accident at pre-school and that was it.

Nothing wrong in your son drinking milk in the morning and evening, but yes, he should be drinking it out of a cup, not a bottle. He's too old to be drinking milk out of a bottle and your SIL should start toilet training her eldest.

Lack of potty training is neglectful at best. A bottle at four it's disgraceful. Your child needs to move towards school readiness. No doubt you will be seeking reassurance from posters who are telling you that your brother and sister-in-law are in the wrong. Ask yourself why

Absolutely this.

I have a 4yo and even she says bottles are for babies. I think a 3.5yo is also a bit late for potty training but still not as bad at having a bottle!

My kids were long term formula dependent due to significant medical needs and they moved to having it from cups at 2. A healthy typical 4 year old does not need bottles of milk. Stop being lazy! But your family should butt out as if they simply haven’t bothered to toilet train a 3.5yo and there’s no SEND reason, they are lazy too. You’re all as bad as each other.

I'm judging you

Nope because BF promotes natural jaw development.

As long as your child is loved, cared for warm fed and safe that's all that matters he's hardly going to take a bottle on his first date is he.

Firstly.
None of your DB and SILs business.
Just close the conversation down. "I've noted your comment. No need for further discussion on the subject" on repeat if necessary. And for that reason, I wouldn't even bother commenting on their potty training. Or I'd say something like, so glad we have parenting experts visiting to point out how we should do things differently.

If you are happy and he is happy then its up to you to decide when. It's in the distant past for me, so I'm not an expert but I think you'll find it easier to swap before school but its for you to manage, not to be forced to do it.

The eldest clung to a bottle, but the way we did it was to take him out and make a big deal of him choosing his own cup.. and to start using during day.. then breakfast ... and gradually at night time. You say its a comfort thing.. so keep the comfort side going, with an extra story or a cuddle. He'll soon get used to it.
Its actually a blessing not to have to keep bottle brushing and sterilising.

Have a look at bottle caries then decide if it’s harmless 🤷‍♀️

YABU for being so sensitive. You must learn to ignore some things.
My daughter was potty-trained at 2, but kept her transition bottle at night til about 3. All kinds of people had comments, but none of it mattered. She was developing in every other way, so had it for her night time drink.
One night she finished her drink and said she wouldn't want it anymore - the end 🤷🏾‍♀️.
She's almost 18 with great teeth and jawline. There are more important things to worry about.

A baby bottle at 4 is really bad for their teeth, you obviously know that. Would you drink loads of milk before bed without brushing your teeth after? Unless sen, why would you not progress on to a cup?
Potty training is not exactly the same as choosing to let a 4 yr old have a baby bottle.