AIBU to think DS and SIL shouldn’t be commenting on DS’s bottle?

[AmpleFish]

title should say DB rather than DS!

DS (just turned 4) has always taken a bottle of milk to bed and had one in the morning when he wakes. We brush his teeth afterwards and his dentist hasn’t mentioned it so assuming all is fine.
This weekend my brother came down to visit from Scotland. He and SIL made repeated comments to me and DH about how DS was too old to be having a bottle.
AIBU to think he should stay in his lane? Particularly when he and SIL have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old and neither are potty trained! I think they need to take some of their own medicine before commenting on others!

I think they’re slightly different. The bottle is something you control. Toileting is something the child controls. I totally understand being in a habit of giving him a bottle, and being worried about your son’s reaction if you change the routine. I think only you can answer whether you’re giving him the bottle out of fear of change (in which case, maybe you need to examine whether you’re comfortable setting boundaries), or whether it’s just literally not a big deal and you know it’ll be over soon.

I wouldn’t fall into the trap of judging your brother/SIL on toilet training. In 6 months if there’s no change I’d be having a chat, but having two kids within a year must be exhausting for them, and maybe there are other things they are working on.

Im confused, you obviously know a dentist would recommend against doing it, so why are you still doing it? Just because its fine now doesnt mean its not doing damage - tooth decay can take a really long time to show signs, which a dentist would be able to tell you, so maybe its worth having a proper chat with him? Not sure why you would risk your child having issues with his teeth in future just because its fine now... thats like saying he has healthy teeth now so why brush them?

Ditch the bottle OP.

Brushing his teeth won’t help. The problem with bottles at this age is in proper jaw development, not tooth decay.

You’re all unreasonable
4 year old needs to ditch the bottle
and the 2.5 and 3.5 year olds need to start potty training !

I'm going against the grain. My eldest had a bottle until just before school, my Grandson is the same. My youngest gave up the bottle at about a year old. Children are all different. Was I pleased about the bottle, no. Did people moan at me, yes. My bottle lover is now 36, has never had any problems with her teeth, nor did she need a brace. I think.far more children stay on bottles than people would have you believe.

He’s way too old for a bottle. A year old is when you phase them out, certainly by 2. Yes I would judge you

Its recomnended to stop bottles by 12 months, 18months at the very latest.
It affects the growth of the teeth, not just decay..

I don't see a massive problem re: bottles. Yes, if they had a bottle hanging out their mouth half the day, it'd likely affect their teeth and jaws. But not for a couple of minutes before bedtime. It's just milk and I presume he uses a cup during the day. Adults and older kids often drink out of sports cap bottles etc and nobody shouts about that - all things in moderation.

Lack of potty training, I would judge. YANBU, OP.

Look up bottle mouth.

By the time the dentist spots the issues, they're already there.

It can affect everything from their jaw and palate and how their adult teeth come in to their speech. Your bro and SIL are correct.

The milk is fine, the bottle is ridiculous.
Bottles are for babies, he’s far past being a baby.

It’s not fine. Especially at night.

The affect on teeth can be very delayed and not show up for years. I really would stop this as the risk of needing braces or other orthodontic treatments are massively increased.

Most people have this idea that if you do something wrong the dentist will be able to tell. Yes they can but often not until 3 - 8 years after you have been mucking up your teeth. Unless it's very very sever like rotting teeth.

The way you talk about your adult son it sounds like you don’t like him.

Your child is too old for a bottle. Give him milk in a beaker

4 year olds don’t need bottles. 3.5 year olds need potty trained.

My sister had a bottle until she was 4 years old at least.

It didn’t do any harm, she was a great eater, popular at school and did great at school/uni/career.

Definitely too old for the bottles.

with regards to the potty have they just never tried or is the child just not ready.

If they have never tried then your both lazy parents maybe learnt behaviour.

He should have been weened off bottles by around 1 year old. They are unnecessary and not good for teeth. Have you actually told the dentist he has them?
3.5 is late to have not started potty training but that is a developmental thing unlike using a baby bottle.

https://healthforunder5s.co.uk/sections/toddler/bye-bye-bottle-hello-cup/

I think theyre probably trying to help you. Is he your only or youngest? Sounds like this is something you like not really about the child as 12 months old is when weaning off bottle is usual - do you wish he was still a baby? Hopefully now hes a little boy and not a baby or toddler you can try to move to the next stage?

My dentist said it would affect second teeth positioning because it pushes out the baby teeth.

They are right, he should absolutely not still be taking bottles. Potty training is different, it’s based on when a hormone comes through, and can be later for some kids,

This

Mine stopped bottles at a year, to be fair not at my behest but he pushed the teat into the bottle and poured the milk over himself and I just stopped his brother on them when he got to a year too.

3.5 is in the old side for potty training my youngest was this age when I finally managed to crack it with him, he’s autistic though.

We potty trained DS at 3.5 (mixture of mild SEN and couldn't face it in first trimester of pregnancy) it is on the late side but doesn't have any lasting impact. Having a bottle affects teeth in the long term so I would phase it out. Don't be petty because there are things you perceive you can judge them for.

It pools the milk and they are designed for babies