To feel my friend is being petty over cuddles with her baby

[Billynomatesonhere]

One of my close friends (Friend A) has just had her 2nd baby - as background context, she was the first of our group to have a baby so the whole group was desperate to come over and see the baby early on and have lots of cuddles which my friend was happy to do.

Anyway this time round I wasn’t invited round to meet the baby until he was 8 weeks old and wasn’t offered a cuddle which I totally respected as it’s her baby & post partum can be different each time.

However, there have been photos on the group chat of some of the other girls meeting & cuddling the baby - I saw one of them yesterday and she basically said that Friend A told her that she was treating their girls in the group the same way they treated her when we all had babies. So the girls who were happy for her to hold their babies, have been allowed cuddles and photos.

Now I know it’s 100% the Mums decision, but I just feel quite humiliated by the whole thing. I had a very stressful pregnancy and was worried about germs so I was a bit cautious about people coming over and then it just happened that baby was always asleep when my friend came over. So yes she didn’t get to hold my baby, but it wasn’t a personal thing. Whereas this feels personal as a couple of us are being singled out.

We are all due to go out for brunch next week and I’m thinking of not going as I feel like I’m going to be singled out.

AIBU to feel like my friend is being quite petty ?!

I have friends who were the same as you op, I love a newborn cuddle but if it's not happening then that's that. I didn't hold it against them and I certainly didn't 'get my own back' when it was my turn! That's actually quite nasty.

agree wholeheartedly ! What’s the earthly problem 🙂.
& actually not all that interested in holding babies or puppies or etc etc

Op, I wasn’t precious my child so this isn’t coming from a nasty place.. but you didn’t want her germs on your baby. She doesn’t want yours on hers .. seems fair to me.
as for the lunch, I doubt they will cancel if you don’t go, so how important is this friendship to you?

😂 that is bonkers! Using a newborn baby to settle tiny grudges! Very petty! But post partum can do that to you. Things that, from the other side, look insane make total sense at the time.
Try not to take it too personally, OP. It will all pass.

This.
your friend sounds unhinged!!

That’s not a friend , she is a crazy person !! Who keeps track on who let her go pick the baby simply to do the same ? So weird .

I think you are entitled to feel the way you do. This woman seems a bit immature and insensitive to me.

Give her a wide birth but do keep your other friends.

You’re overthinking this. You’re expecting people to be rational at a time when they often are not. Go to the party and drop it.

You don't like it, yet it was ok for you to do it. You need to speak to her to clear the air between you. Explain how you were feeling after your birth.

This is childish! Although, you're getting a sense of how your friend felt.

Did your friend explicitly say this to you?

She can very much behave in a manner in which she chooses, you can either be a friend and understand or you can listen to the other friend, who quite frankly is being a bitch, and get bogged down. Maybe she feels the other friends have been more supportive.

I would choose to be a friend and support her choices.

Hypocritical of you.
We are all protective of our babies..
Just accept she treated you the same way you treated her when you had a new baby.
If your fear her having germs holding your baby, why should she want you holding her baby? Germs go both ways.

Going for brunch isn’t the time to talk about it, but she may still have been hurt by how you behaved and likely then it seemed personal (even when it later became more about timing of DB sleeping) as she never got to hold your baby, when others had.

Recently there seems to be a lot of anxiety in general around this (post COVID?) and maybe this is her way of controlling her own anxieties to create her own rules to restrict physical contact of her DB with others.

If she is a really good friend find a time to have a chat about how she is feeling and how you were feeling at the time you had your DB.

I would probably cut her some slack and go, you don’t need to hold her DB unless she offers.

Let your rage build up in silence, and wreak your revenge when the child turns 18! Or maybe just forgive and forget...

I think the issue is the fact that OP has been deliberately left out of the cuddling and is feeling rejected. (I personally love cuddling babies, but mostly my own or family babies)

Apparently the OP does as well.

I don’t get why it matters whether someone holds the baby or not. tbh. It’s not like the baby will notice.

I think she was hurt at the time and now she’s creating the same situation for you. I guess it’s a treat people how you are treated situation. I’d be annoyed she was being petty but also accept that I expected her to accept that so should be able to accept it myself.
i wouldn’t fall out over it but i would probably feel a bit less close to her

100% this ^

Nothing else. She’ll look bad if she carries on the pettiness after you’ve said that @Billynomatesonhere

Not nice to be deliberately excluded. I'd be upset too

I think that's very petty, yes. Petty and immature.

Yes your friend is likely being petty but she may feel the same way towards you. The issue isn’t a big one, swallow your pride and go to dinner with them and let the bad feelings pass they always do.

Grow up. A baby died recently from catching the simplex virus from a kiss. I would not let anyone near my baby for about 5 years !

A baby died recently from catching the herpes virus from a kiss. We as adults have all sorts of germs and stuff going on. Why on earth would you want to pass this on to a tiny helpless baby. Of course it matters !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excellent advice. You both acted in ways to try to control each other, and use your babies as pawns in your friendship.

She sounds petty. Don't stoop to that level. You had legitimate reasons for why you acted as you did with a newborn. She shouldve been understanding of that. Instead she is being petty. Just ignore her if you can and try kilking her with kindness she won't expect that. Hopefully it will blow over

The fact that she did it seems petty, the fact that she told anyone is dulally- she should try and hide her crazy thought process!!