To feel my friend is being petty over cuddles with her baby

[Billynomatesonhere]

One of my close friends (Friend A) has just had her 2nd baby - as background context, she was the first of our group to have a baby so the whole group was desperate to come over and see the baby early on and have lots of cuddles which my friend was happy to do.

Anyway this time round I wasn’t invited round to meet the baby until he was 8 weeks old and wasn’t offered a cuddle which I totally respected as it’s her baby & post partum can be different each time.

However, there have been photos on the group chat of some of the other girls meeting & cuddling the baby - I saw one of them yesterday and she basically said that Friend A told her that she was treating their girls in the group the same way they treated her when we all had babies. So the girls who were happy for her to hold their babies, have been allowed cuddles and photos.

Now I know it’s 100% the Mums decision, but I just feel quite humiliated by the whole thing. I had a very stressful pregnancy and was worried about germs so I was a bit cautious about people coming over and then it just happened that baby was always asleep when my friend came over. So yes she didn’t get to hold my baby, but it wasn’t a personal thing. Whereas this feels personal as a couple of us are being singled out.

We are all due to go out for brunch next week and I’m thinking of not going as I feel like I’m going to be singled out.

AIBU to feel like my friend is being quite petty ?!

I had a friend like this, invited 4 of her best friends round to see her newborn baby and I was the only one not allowed to hold the baby because I was not a mum at the time. Made me want to take all the baby gifts back I had brought her

Oh come on! Sounds like OP had one rule for all - she didn’t single out one friend like the silly friend is

Safe to assume a new mum worrying about germs was maybe hormonal and irrational!
which she isn’t now… the ‘friend’ is just being bitchy

@Billynomatesonhere did you go? And if so how did you get on?

That’s awful!
how did she say you weren’t allowed ?

Go to the park and ask to cuddle a dog FFS. At least you'll both enjoy it.

Why would you get so upset about not being able to hold a baby that isn’t anything to do with you though?

Dont bite my head off...but do you and it is known if the 'non cuddlers' get cold sore viruses?

We've got a new niece here, and we're not racing to see her because we have a snotty toddler, and my husband has a heavy cold too. I skipped visits to my nephews when they were tiny and I had a cold that floored me - I didn't want his mum having it either! And my friend was pretty over keen to have us visit her 3 week old when my husband had COVID.

None of my friends with kids raced to see us when we had a child in snot season. They all left it until he was a little more robust.

Babies keep.

The issue is the op is being deliberately left out

But your rule is tiny babies shouldn’t be held by strangers, so she’s just respecting your rule???

She’s literally said Billynomatesonhere didn’t offer out her baby for a cuddle so she won’t get one with my baby

She's absolutely ridiculous. Who gets into a tit for tat over baby cuddles?!
"You can't cuddle my baby as I didn't get to cuddle yours.' She sounds like she's still a baby herself!
Rise above her childishness.
Still go out for the get together, but are you really that bothered about cuddles anyway?
I'd just be like "ah, cute" and make all the appropriate noises but not even mention cuddles.
It's her making a thing about it, not you.

Well apparently she's not even said this to the OP. Seems a case of Chinese whispers.

I’ve managed to hold plenty babies when they are sleeping. You were weird with your ‘no one touches my baby’ thing, she probably felt like you do now.

It’s not like you are missing out on sparkling conversation if it’s asleep! Aren’t they just sleeping/pooing/puking machines for the first few weeks?