To feel my friend is being petty over cuddles with her baby

[Billynomatesonhere]

One of my close friends (Friend A) has just had her 2nd baby - as background context, she was the first of our group to have a baby so the whole group was desperate to come over and see the baby early on and have lots of cuddles which my friend was happy to do.

Anyway this time round I wasn’t invited round to meet the baby until he was 8 weeks old and wasn’t offered a cuddle which I totally respected as it’s her baby & post partum can be different each time.

However, there have been photos on the group chat of some of the other girls meeting & cuddling the baby - I saw one of them yesterday and she basically said that Friend A told her that she was treating their girls in the group the same way they treated her when we all had babies. So the girls who were happy for her to hold their babies, have been allowed cuddles and photos.

Now I know it’s 100% the Mums decision, but I just feel quite humiliated by the whole thing. I had a very stressful pregnancy and was worried about germs so I was a bit cautious about people coming over and then it just happened that baby was always asleep when my friend came over. So yes she didn’t get to hold my baby, but it wasn’t a personal thing. Whereas this feels personal as a couple of us are being singled out.

We are all due to go out for brunch next week and I’m thinking of not going as I feel like I’m going to be singled out.

AIBU to feel like my friend is being quite petty ?!

I mean, yes your friend is being quite petty.

However, I dont understand why you are apparently so upset/angry at being treated in the same way you treated her? if it was ok for you to do, why is it not ok for her to do it?

Seems rather hypocritical to me

Voted yanbu because it’s definitely petty of her.

However don’t cut off your nose to spite your face and miss out on brunch with all your friends.

I never knew people were so desperate to cuddle other people's babies tbh.

She probably felt hurt by your behaviour towards her so is being petty now. Frankly, you both sound ridiculous.

so? who cares? besides which you said 'a couple' of you have been 'singled out' (contradiction in terms) - how big is this group? If at least 3 of you have not been allowed cuddles then surely you represent half/third of 'the group.' Plus hopefully most of your other friends have more going on in their lives than to work out who has/hasn't cuddled someone else's baby. If you honestly think that is a topic that might come up at brunch, then no, I wouldn't go - mainly because the time would be better spent making less boring friends!

It’s petty but understandable.

I don’t think you can complain about being treated in the same manner you treated somebody else.

If op was initially worried about germs and then didn’t want to wake her sleeping baby then that’s fair enough.

But those weren’t the reasons that op was denied a cuddle with her friend’s baby or any other understandable reason. It was pathetic tit for tat “you wouldn’t let me cuddle your baby so now you’re not allowed to cuddle mine” - we know this as other friends have been allowed, plus she actually said it.

This.

Maybe new mum was limiting visitors and prioritised those who reciprocated to her?

I dont see whats so horrific about that. Whether its pathetic or not, she does have a right to limit visitors to whom she feels comfortable with- just as OP did 🤷‍♀️

Also post partum hormones might make someone super sensitive about things they might ordinarily let go

So you were not really letting your friend cuddle your baby because - reasons, but your friend is being petty when she limits your contact with her baby because - reasons.

You’re both as petty as each other.

It all sounds very petty and silly like teenagers
Perhaps the friendship has lasted it's course now.

Actually sorry, I apologise. My comment wasn’t intended to insult but I can see it was insulting. Many of the best mothers I know are very young and they wouldn’t appreciate my comment either.

YABU being friends with such juveniles. Honestly is this really how adult women behave? Quite pathetic.

It’s up to your friend of course but it does sound very petty and tit for tat so I voted yanbu based on that.

I wouldn’t miss the brunch though, just carry on as normal in my opinion. Can she be a bit like this generally or is this a new thing? Maybe it’s postpartum related, sometimes that can make us think and do odd things that feel rational at the time. Not worth making a big thing over right now though.

Are either of you old enough to be parents? It all seems very childish.

She is being petty. But I don’t understand the entitlement to hold anyone’s babies. Always strikes me as weird to be so consumed by it. I have 2 kids 1 being under a year and I was hesitant to pass him around. They are not toys to be passed around

I do love babies! I just think in this instance the focus on cuddling or not is a bit ott.

If you were worried about your friends holding your baby due to germs then why would you expect your friends to offer you to hold theirs surely you’d be worried their baby would be at risk of germs being held by yourself? I’m not being horrible just asking because if it was me who was cautious of others holding my newborn baby, I wouldn’t think of holding another’s newborn for the same reason. I wasn’t concerned about germs providing people visiting didn’t come knowing they were unwell, but I didnt let people kiss my babies on face, therefore I wouldn’t dream of kissing anyone else’s baby on face.

Personally I wouldn’t take it personal I would go for out for the meal and just act completely normal. But I kinda of understand (although very petty and immature if your friend) if you didn’t allow people to hold your baby why would you expect to hold theirs

No she doesn’t as as she said she was fine not getting cuddles if that’s what mum wants but mum is just doing it to op as a tit for rat, that’s what’s hurtful

But she’s allowing the other friends to hold the baby so she is not doing it out of anxiety like op did, she’s singling her out as payback which is awful

No I'm sorry but if OP thinks holding a newborn baby is too dangerous for her child then why is she willing to risk it for someone else's? that shows a blatant lack of care

What?! Who on earth would even remember who did or did not allow them to hold their newborn, let alone enact revenge on the ones who did not?

Come to think of it, this is actually hilarious. You should definitely attend, then come straight back here and report any other unusual behavior. :p

What are people not understanding? Op isn’t pining for a cuddle, she says in her op she doesn’t mind, she’s upset that her friend is playing tit fur tat and telling other friends, its not nice, and if a friend done this to me our relationship would be over

So she doesn't care about germs when it comes to her friend's child?

Only her own?

Are you all teenagers?